With each step he took, his gaze remained tethered to mine, and fireworks exploded within me, further canceling out any other emotions that lay dormant beneath the alcoholic buzz.
And that buzz I had going may have been responsible for suddenly feeling horny, but his appearing without warning while looking so damn sexy was what had my body responding on its own accord. I stalked down the hall toward him, determined to use that electrical current to help me further forget.
“Hey, Jersey. I was worried about—”
I grabbed his jaw and jerked his lips to mine. In that moment, nothing mattered but kissing him.
He allowed me to control the kiss for a few long moments before he palmed my ass and pulled me into his hard frame. His mouth began to devour mine… taking over in true Nate fashion… and I was happy to let him. But when he was first to break away, I didn’t bother masking my disappointment.
“More.”
“I’m seconds away from hauling your ass to your bed, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I didn’t want to go there, ruin my sudden shift in mood. So instead, I closed the distance again, practically attacking him with my second attempt. And again, he pulled away with a smirk.
“Have you been drinking?”
“Yes.”
One brow rose as his smirk deepened. “Jersey.” It wasn’t necessarily a scolding I heard in the nickname he favored; it was the concern he admitted that came through. He took my hand and led me into my apartment, shutting the door behind us. “How drunk are you?”
Aligning my forefinger over my thumb, I giggled and said, “Just a little bit. But now I’m drunk on you.” I had attempted it to be a happy-go-lucky admission, but it instead sounded deranged. Regardless, he wasn’t buying it and pulled his hand from mine to walk toward the fridge and grab a bottle of water.
After twisting off the cap, he pushed it at me and commanded, “Drink.” I took the bottle like a child, while the concern in his eyes worsened as he folded his arms. “About Runnel.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I griped between gulps. “It’s over, done.”
“Not necessarily.” His expression revealed nothing, but those two little words held a ton of weight.
“What do you mean ‘not necessarily’?”
He searched my face. “I have some news… good news.”
“What now?” I was still processing my mom’s good news.
But instead of responding, he walked to the couch and sat, patting the space beside him. “Come here.” I did as he asked, gripping the bottle tight enough to have the plastic crinkle. “Do you remember the woman you saw me with outside my office?”
Was he joking? “Yes.” My heart pounded so loudly I was sure he could hear it.
“Her name is Clare Johnson.” I couldn’t imagine what he was about to tell me, and I remained silent, waiting. “She’s an entertainment lawyer… has many connections in the business. I had passed your books along to her that night, and today she informed me that a friend at Sphere is very interested. Clare wants to meet with us to discuss it.”
It was hard to understand what I was feeling. It wasn’t appreciation, as it should’ve been. It was more embarrassment. It was humiliation. It was that hunch that had been nagging at the back of my mind.
My drunken state killed my original motive of speaking to Janis first to get some answers. And with the lack of the filter that being slightly drunk caused, I pointed an accusing finger. “Runnel only passed on my books a few days ago. You met with her a few weeks ago.” Nate’s green eyes cut away from mine, and when they came back, along with his silence, the humiliation worsened. “You knew Runnel was passing before I did?”
“Amy…” He took my hand in his before continuing. “I couldn’t say anything. You know that.”
“I do.” I did. Still, now knowing that a man I’d fallen in love with had played a role in my unfortunate outcome and kept it to himself while having no problem reaching out to a former lover hurt me to the core.
“You deserve this,” he went on to say. “The way you lost that opportunity isn’t fair. In Clare, I saw a new opportunity and took it. Clare would do anything for me—”
“Of course, she would,” I scoffed, pulling my hand away on reflex. “You fucked her.” I hated that I said that out loud, although I meant it.
“That’s over. She’s engaged now. It’s not like that between us.”
“I’m not saying it is like that, Nate. You couldn’t tell me, yet you could solicit an ex-lover to help you be my hero in the end?” It was all too much, and I stood to gain some distance.
“So fucking what? I did it for you, not me.”
“Oh my God.” Every ounce of frustration I carried all day long literally erupted like a volcano. “This was my goal, my dream. Something I prayed on, wished on, much longer than you even know. And in one day, I find out that dream is dead, because of your dick client… but hey, no worries. The woman who used to fuck the man I’m fucking can help me out.”
He stared at me, blinking. This was a waste of time, because he truly didn’t get it, and I released a heavy exhale through my nose before trying a different tactic.
“As large as the entertainment business is, it’s minuscule when it comes to gossip. It’s hard enough for an author to organically gain respect for her work. If success comes from a handout—”
“It’s not a handout,” he argued before rising to his full height. “The entertainment business is also based on word of mouth, a lucky break, who you know. That takes nothing away from your talent, Amy.” He was right, somewhat… but the sting remained all the same. The success wouldn’t have come from my own merit, and that I couldn’t live with.
I felt myself recoiling, regretting, and questioning everything.
Meanwhile, Nate scrubbed a hand over his face, revealing his own frustration. “Look. I hate that this happened to you. And my involvement makes it hard to deny that played a part. But the last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt.”
Hurt. It was too late, because the one sentiment that broke through all the confusing thoughts—I knew getting involved with Nate would be a mistake. I now recognized the mistake I’d anticipated had come to fruition, and it managed to hurt not only my heart but my pride as well. In all fairness, he’d been oblivious to my revelation, one I kept sweeping under the rug, denying it and even pretending things could possibly work out. Still, I couldn’t go on with our situation… not anymore. I cared about him way too much and could no longer pretend that I didn’t.
The pain in his eyes worsened my own, and I cupped his face to try to lessen it. “I’m not blaming you, Nate. This is all on me. This Runnel thing is just an unfortunate aftershock of Janis and Richard’s divorce. And unfortunately, Richard’s greed screwed not only Janis but me too.”
“Richard may have been greedy, but Janis was no victim in this, Amy.” I stared at him, waiting for more, but got nothing.
“What are you talking about?”
“You need to ask your agent. Yes, the Runnel thing falling through was an aftershock of their demise. There was nothing I could do to stop it. What I could do was talk to an old friend who happens to be in the business. Fucking sue me for caring.”