“Why are you here?” she repeated, even less sure now than before.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I admitted, feeling vulnerable for the honesty. She made me come to life, kept my emotions present, and fuck, she definitely made me unhinged.
My skin itched, something that came with touch and emotion, two edges of the same blade. One of the biggest reasons I left her and Carson behind was because they had the ability to make me feel everything whereas being alone allowed numbness to take over.
Our eyes connected and the way her delicate throat swallowed had my mind racing. She was pure sex when my mind went to this place.
“I-I don’t think you should be here. You said—”
“I said what?” I challenged, wanting to hear her tell me whether she chose him or not. That was my stipulation only a few hours ago.
“That I had to choose.”
“Well, little demon. What will it be?”
“Madden...”
I closed my eyes, knowing if she picked him, I’d destroy the world. She couldn’t pick him. He was a fucking loser. Her boss, no less. Yeah, I had Royce dig into him after the dinner we had. Unworthy. That guy didn’t deserve her.
He probably took advantage of her. Seeing a new hire at the company, wanting to fuck her senseless, needing to have control.
If Andy walked into my office, I’d fall to my knees to worship her, beg her for a chance. That wasn’t something that could ever happen, though.
Our destinies were intertwined by family.
We were never supposed to mean anything to one another.
“Well?” I pushed, watching as she worried her lip with her teeth. If not for her nervousness, it’d be another thing that turned me on. Andy had the lips of a fucking angel. They were plump in every way and yet fit her face perfectly.
I wanted to kiss them again.
It’d been years.
So many long ones.
Back then I was sixteen, barely learning my sexual tastes, I wasn’t someone who knew what he wanted or how to take it, but I wanted that now, to taste her as a man.
Now, my tastes were Andy.
Only Andy.
“Our wedding—” she began, but I didn’t want an excuse.
“Put that aside in your mind,” I directed. “Is he who you want right now? Is it his cock you imagine, his tongue? Because I haven’t eaten a pussy or touched a woman in years, little demon. I want it to be your body in my bed. Your cunt in my mouth. Your body is all I want.”
She whimpered, her lip between her teeth as she looked me over. Even when I had my body tattooed, it was Grizz or Carrig who did it. Not anyone else.
I hadn’t willingly touched a person since they died, except Andy.
She was the first I chose to touch and even then, I kept my distance. But fuck if I didn’t want to touch every part of her and suffocate with the feeling of only her.
“Madden,” she said again and I worried I’d broken her with my words, but she continued, “I want you. Only you.”
Before she finished the last word, I’d grabbed her, scooping her in my arms.
I didn’t kiss her, just held her tightly as she wound her legs around my waist. She felt right here, like she was only meant to ever be held by me. My body tensed where our bodies met. Clothing aside, she shocked my system with her thighs, rewriting its chemistry with her warmth.
Going to my room—not hers—I opened the door and tossed her on the bed. Unlike her bed, mine didn’t have other suitors. Even when I hooked up while visiting back then, it was never in my bed.
“Why your bed?”
“Only your body has ever touched it.”
She shut up after that.
Pushing her legs apart, my high-addled mind settled on the fact that she was bare. “Fuck.”
Her eyes came to mine, her little smirk enough to make my balls feel broken from edging so much lately. I held her knees apart, needing to see her fully. Her body melded well for me, putty for me to mold. It reminded me of a submissive who liked pleasing their master.
I like that thought very much.
“Lay back,” I instructed, not knowing which part of her I wanted to touch first. I hadn’t allowed myself to touch anyone—not even her—and the way I was famished had me near shaking. She laid back, keeping her legs apart, and I mentally captured this image. Her in her black lace, no makeup, and wet hair.
Fuck, she was stunning.
She was mine... even if only for tonight. The bed dipped as I leaned above her, needing to see her face. I felt like a teenager having his first fuck. I didn’t know what to do even with the practiced hands I had. Of all the times I messed around, my hands weren’t their instruments. I didn’t use them to get them off, I only instructed.
Right now, even wanting to touch her, I needed to start slowly. Falling apart wasn’t something I could condition myself to.
“Lift your nightie,” I instructed, feeling heat rise up my body. The overwhelming warmth gave me pause and I closed my eyes, feeling dry-mouthed. I needed water or something. Being high and wanting to fuck didn’t mix. My skin felt hot as fuck.
Panic settled in, sweat finding its way across my skin as my mind raced. Touching, something I avoided for so long the entire idea of it unsettled me.
“I’ll be back,” I rushed out. She gave me an uncertain look, but I couldn’t explain how I’d taken pills earlier and needed hydration so I didn’t get overly fucked up and overdose.
It’d only happened twice, the OD’ing. The guys gave me shit for weeks and now babysat me. They weren’t there as I broke down outside the club. They didn’t know this time.
I went to the bathroom, turning on the faucet. Once the water felt cold, I leaned down, drinking it with ease. The liquid met my tongue, refreshing and satisfying. It also helped the nerves I felt. Not touching people was natural at this point, but touching—it felt like I’d fucking dared myself to skydive without a parachute.
I rinsed my face twice before my heart calmed down enough to go back into the room.
But by the time I was back, Andy was out cold. Her little snores filled my ears and I couldn’t help the smile that took over my face.
Her face looked so serene, calm, like she hadn’t slept in a while. Grabbing my blanket, I pulled it over her body, covering her up. She seemed so young right now. She was only two years and a couple months my senior, but right now, she seemed even younger than me.
I didn’t kiss her goodnight or even lay next to her like I wanted to. Instead, I disarmed her condo and left, knowing it was the right thing to do.
By the time I got back to my apartment, I felt like leaving was the right choice. I rushed over there before, wanting to fuck her, but she never said she chose me for good. And somehow, I thought she was about to tell me she hadn’t chosen me.
She said she wanted me.
But was that a temporary desire or a permanent one?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
You Stay by the Sea – Axel Flóvent
Madden
You were gone when I woke up. Andy’s text stared back at me at work today and every day since she sent it. She texted me that a week ago after leaving her apartment. I’d avoided her, needing the distance so she could truly have time to pick me and not him. I sat in my office at Inked in Chaos, going through the paperwork. Before I worked here, it was a goddamn mess.