“Fuck, Gabs. I’m legit speechless. Thank you for your confidence in me.”
“It’s not just about that. It’s good business. I’ll have my lawyers get you the business plan and take a look at your current contract. Talk to whomever you need to talk to and let me know. Hey, sometimes it’s good to shake everything up to see where you can really go.”
***
A pizza dinner with Garrett and Gabi was exactly what I needed. We talk about old times, and I am able to toss it back to them so I can hear about their lives. It gives me a bit of space to start to process the last twenty-four hours. I give up my hotel room to couch it at Garrett’s. It feels like another family instead of more alone time.
I’ve always loved my family, both my one by blood and the ones by choice. The past couple of weeks have shown me I need them more than I’m willing to admit. On the flight back, I sleep for a bit. When I wake, I stare at my laptop screen. I begin and delete an email to Hayley about six times. I want to tell her about everything that’s happened, all the things I’m considering, and ask what she wants to do.
I end up writing it and sticking it in the drafts. In some small way, it allows me to process all the things I’m thinking and feel like I’m telling her. When I close out of it, I see an email from Hannah in my inbox. It’s a schedule of upcoming appointments for her until delivery time. Her next one is tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
I haven’t gone to any yet. She didn’t offer and I didn’t ask. I don’t know why I didn’t. I need to get better at this and quick. After a quick response to Hannah, asking for the address and telling her that I’d like to go, I shut my laptop before I change my mind.
I land at LaGuardia late and ask for the rideshare to take me to Eli’s. I text on the way over. Eli does answer and is waiting for me when I get there.
“You’re damn lucky I was working late instead of working late, Mav.”
“I know. I get it. It’s just been a hell of a couple of days. I’m moving my shit this weekend. With any luck, this will be the last night I crash the party.”
I move past him with my carry-on bag, pushing it to the side. Making a beeline for the kitchen, I open the special cupboard and find my bottle of tequila in the back corner where I left it.
“Okay, it’s nearly midnight on a Thursday and you’re drinking like it’s Saturday. Did something happen?”
My glass and the bottle hit the counter at the same time. “A lot actually. This isn’t about that. It’s about what I have to do tomorrow. I’m going to an appointment with Hannah and I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“Oh. Wow. Okay. Pour me one too.”
I let a long pour fall out into his tumbler after I assess the depth of my glass. “Jesus. I said one not three. What kind of appointment is it? Did she say?”
“Just a routine visit. I guess we can hear the heartbeat and stuff.”
I take sip after sip of my glass. The heat begins in the back of my throat and feels like it travels all the way to my feet. “You’re just realizing this is really real, aren’t you?” Eli asks.
“I wouldn’t be here letting this burn my throat to stop my hands from shaking if not.”
“Look, I know you’re freaking out. But I want you to take that moment in when it happens. You’ll want to remember it.”
Chapter 25
Wes
Hannah waits for me on the street. She’s on her cell when I approach her from behind. Her hair is pinned up off her neck. The sides of her camel-colored trench coat fly open as she turns to see me. I haven’t seen her in weeks. Her bump then was easily masked behind the designer clothes she likes to wear. There is no disguising it now. She’s fully rounded out into a nearly perfect basketball. I think she can read my mind. Quietly the phone call ends, leaving us awkwardly standing on the busy streets of New York.
“Thank you for coming.”
That’s how the ice is broken. I can take it as an honest thank-you or that she thought I wouldn’t show up. “I want to be here, Hannah. You’re used to this. I’m still figuring it out.”
“I know. Look, we’ll make it not awkward, okay?”
“That’s what I need. I know that sounds selfish. We haven’t talked about everything. I think we need to. Are you up for dinner after this? I mean, do you have to go back to work?”
“I’m off the rest of the day. I want to talk in private. Are you okay with us going back to my place so we can order in? I need to get these shoes off sooner than later.”
“I have no plans.”
“Will your girlfriend be okay with it?”
“It won’t be an issue.”
I open the door for her, and we enter a new phase of our relationship. The ride on the elevator is hot, nearly too hot. Hannah has to shed her coat. I offer to help. She lets me. It’s the first time we’ve been this close since the last time we were together.
Eli’s words keep tumbling over in my head. Be present. You’ll want to remember it. Hannah put my name in her file as an emergency contact. That’s one thing I’ve never been before. I follow her down a long hallway to one of the back suites. She sits down on the exam table like she’s done it a thousand times. I don’t quite know what to do with myself.
I sit down for a minute or two, pace for another few, then practically jump out of my skin when the door opens, and the doctor enters. He extends his hand to me; I shake it like it’s the first time I’ve ever shaken anyone’s hand ever. Finally, I take a seat and stay there. I can feel my heart racing in my chest like I’m waiting in the penalty box, itching to get back on the ice.
The doctor makes small talk with Hannah. He wants to know if she’s been feeling well and if there are any changes he needs to be aware of. She talks about having to drop from her three-mile walks every day to two miles. He chuckles and praises her for still doing that but to be careful and listen to her body, in case she would need to reduce again or stop all together.
He finally turns his attention to me. He asks what I do for a living and if this is my first child as well. I never considered myself to be someone who that question was for. My first child. I can feel the anxiety give way to ache while answering yes. This should be Hayley. This should have been something we got to do together.
My thoughts take over as the doctor approaches Hannah. He listens to her heart, feels over her bump, then takes a few measurements. She’s right on for her due date he says. What happens next is what Eli warned me about.
The doctor takes a device from his pocket and cues it up. He rolls it over her belly until a sound comes through loud and clear. I can only describe it as what the whoosh of a siren would be at the bottom of a body of water. It’s strong, muffled… and beautiful.
That’s my baby.
That’s the heartbeat of my son or daughter.
“Wow. I have no words. Wow.” I stare at Hannah’s ivory skin connected to the wand before I find her face. She is smiling from ear to ear. “Are we allowed to record this?”