A snort escaped me. “Because everything else has just been a softball.”
The corner of Liam’s mouth kicked a little higher. There was no mistaking the worry in his eyes. For all that he acted put upon, he’d been nothing but kind, if a little pushy.
“Do you want some privacy for the questions?” Doc pressed on, apparently not impressed or moved by my response.
Did I want to be alone with him? Let me count how many ways I didn’t. Not after what he said. Not—after that humiliating display. I’d just rather not. “Just ask, please.”
“All right,” Doc said on a long exhale and then sat once more on the rolling stool. “Were you sexually assaulted that you’re aware of?”
The direct question just ripped that Band-Aid right off. Truth and lies danced on my tongue, but I didn’t want to give voice to any of them. “It doesn’t matter.” Now I didn’t dare look at Liam or Rome.
“It does.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It doesn’t. I have the IUD, so pregnancy isn’t an issue.” I didn’t want to go through that again.
“That’s not the only issue that comes from sexual assault.” Doc mouth firmed into a line. “Little Bit—yeah, deal with me calling you that—this isn’t just about pregnancy. There’s tearing that can happen, there’s disease—there’s the psychological trauma.”
I almost laughed. “Pretty sure we’ve established that I’ve got that. They put me in Pinetree, didn’t they?”
When he said nothing, I closed my eyes.
“You want to do a physical exam for that.” It wasn’t a question.
“I want to make sure you’re all right,” he said. “I can’t imagine how uncomfortable this is for you. But you don’t have to hide anything from me. In fact, I’d prefer it if you didn’t. Let me help you. I won’t do anything I don’t tell you about first, you have my word.”
The element of soft gruffness in his tone invited me to believe him. “If—if—I do this. Can we go after?”
“I’m going to give you a couple of shots—antibiotics only. Just to be on the safe side. Then we’ll make sure you’re fully hydrated and after that—yes. You can go.” The last few words seemed to cost him, but he still made no move to close the distance.
That helped more.
“You guys don’t have to stay for this part,” I said to Rome and Liam both, even though I was still holding Rome’s hand. No matter how much I’d rather skip this part of being exposed, he was right. It probably needed to happen and the sooner it was done, the sooner I could try to forget about it all.
Pushing away from the wall, Liam walked over to us. “You don’t want to be alone with anyone, we can do that.”
It wasn’t just anyone, I just didn’t want to be alone with Doc. That said, Liam gave me an out and I nodded. “This probably won’t be as interesting as me dancing at the club.”
The corners of his mouth quirked a little higher. “I’ll survive. What do you need?”
Rome stared down at me with the same intensity and I exhaled. “Probably a stupid gown.”
The fact Doc was about to get up close and personal with my cunt in a purely medical way hadn’t been lost on me. Yeah, I could have gone my whole life without this. With a little assistance from Rome, we got my pants down. My shoes were already off, but I got to keep my socks.
Liam focused on the floor and Doc turned his back. Once my bare ass and I were back on the bed with the sheet covering my legs, Doc got moving. He got gloves and set up a light, laying everything out. Liam moved to stand on the other side of the bed, opposite Rome, and they both stayed by my head.
As promised, Doc spoke to me all the way through the internal. I focused on the ceiling and not on the discomfort. When he finished, he helped take my feet out of the stirrups and then backed off while I sat up.
“I’m gonna do some general tests, the blood work and like I said, the antibiotic.”
I kind of only half-listened. They’d gotten almost all of one bag in me, he wanted me to stay long enough for another. That was fine. He was giving Liam a list of things to look for and he kept casting concerned glances at me. It wasn’t until he prepared to step out that I roused.
“Doc…?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Even if he hurt me, he wasn’t trying to hurt me now. He’d been nothing but kind to me.
He studied me for a long moment. “You need anything, big or small, you need something, just tell me.”
“Don’t tell Milo.”
That got all of their attention.
“Little Bit…”
“Just don’t tell him. He knows about Eric, that’s enough.” I hadn’t even been the one to mention that to him. But it didn’t matter. My brother had given up so much for me, he didn’t need to know this.
“I was going to say, doctor/patient privilege. I’ll keep your secrets.” Then he focused on the twins.
“No problem,” Liam said, meeting my gaze. “I’ve got your back, Hellspawn. Now get dressed, I’m going to check on Freddie and then we’ll get you guys home.”
Rome had been still and quiet through it all. After the door closed, he lifted my hand where I still held his and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Mr. Cole?” I knew what he was asking.
I shook my head. “No. Don’t ask. Please—I just—want to forget it all.”
“Starling, are they still out there?”
Could they still hurt me?
“Yes. But they’ve always been out there.” I didn’t want to tell him. I’d hated telling Freddie and at the same time… “Rome, promise me you won’t go after them?”
“No.”
I blinked. “What?”
“If I promise, it would be a lie. They hurt you. We’ll hurt them.”
The raw honesty shifted one of the stones sitting on my chest. “It’s ugly.”
“Tell me?” Not an order. A request.
I swallowed. Could I handle saying it aloud? After the exam, I was already raw and exposed. What was one more secret? My uncle was—a horrible man. What if when I told him it changed how he saw me? But Freddie knew and he hadn’t changed. Then again, Freddie got it on a level I really hoped none of the others did. I didn’t want them to know what this was like.
Meeting Rome’s gaze, I searched his eyes and there was no judgment in them. Only patience and need reflected back at me. The flash of his dick, how it felt on my tongue, and the fact he’d inked me on his cock. It had to have taken a long time. That day with him and Vaughn flooded through me, it was like I could feel them both. It had been a good day. So much better than the last few weeks.
As much as I craved that loyalty and affection they’d given to Milo and showered on me, they deserved so much better. Just say it, I told myself. Just say it.
Reaching for his other hand, he rewarded me by gripping both of mine.
I could tell him.
“My uncle…”
CHAPTER 36
EMERSYN