“Not ugly, Starling,” he said. “Broken isn’t bad.”
As I twisted, he loosened his grip and I turned so I could face him. Not an ounce of deception reflected in his expression.
“What?” I’d heard him but…
“Broken isn’t bad,” he repeated. Then he tapped his chest. “Broken. Liam? Broken. Jasper? Vaughn? We’re all broken, Starling.” Head tilted, he cupped my cheek and I leaned into the contact. “Broken isn’t ugly, or wrong. It’s not bad.”
“It feels…” If bad wasn’t the right word then… “Exposed? I can’t just act like you don’t know and I’ve spent so long—”
A knock sounded on the door.
“Go away,” Rome said without taking his gaze on me.
“I love you too, bro. I’m making food.”
“Don’t care,” Rome replied. “Go away.”
I frowned, but more because I didn’t want them to fight. Then again, Liam sounded like he was laughing as he walked away.
“You don’t have to act,” Rome said after a beat, like he waited to make sure Liam left too. “I know. It’s better. I can protect you better.”
“But…”
“You’re still my Starling,” he said, not blinking. “You’re still you.”
“Broken bits and all?” I didn’t mean to sound so self-pitying, but Rome just nodded.
“You like me?” The question surprised me.
“Yes.”
“Then why can’t I like you?”
It was different. Before I could make an argument though, he brushed his thumb over my lower lip. The soft stroke made my breath stutter.
“This is okay?” The intensity in his eyes riveted me. “You said the doctor touched you.”
I made a face, but I didn’t pull away from Rome. “I didn’t want him to touch me.”
A nod. “It’s okay for me?”
He’d been telegraphing every hand movement, except for when we’d gone to sleep. Then he’d just wrapped around me like a blanket and I hadn’t wanted to be anywhere else. “Yes,” I whispered. I licked my lips and dipped my gaze to his lips when he mirrored the action.
This was weird. I was still feeling off center and disconnected, as though I were in the floating place, only I could focus and Rome tethered me to the here and now.
“I want you to touch me,” I said. “I like that. Even if—” I didn’t get to finish that thought because his mouth claimed mine. What might have begun as a whisper of contact, turned into something far deeper. The gentle pressure from his hand tilted my head, and then his tongue swept across the seam of my lips.
The fierce contact steadied me, chipping away at my fear. The rasp of stubble against my skin sanded away at the jagged little bits. The massage of his lips on mine and the thrust of his tongue kindled something deeper. He still tasted a bit of his toothpaste, but it was like he breathed fire into me.
The scars, the broken bits, and the damage were all still there, but the rush of touching him painted over them. It was like I was one of his projects or murals. Air-brushing away the invisible injuries until the only thing present was where his skin pressed against mine. The fact I was only in a t-shirt while he was in pajama bottoms just left me skin to touch.
When I hesitated, my hands just hovering over his shoulders, he nipped at my lower lip. “You can touch me, Starling. I like it when you touch me.”
Heat licked at the ice threading in my veins, melting it until I shuddered under the weight of it all. When I slid my fingers over his collarbones, Rome stilled. Then he lifted his head to watch me. I hadn’t even realized my eyes had opened again, until the wonderful blue-green of his eyes filled my vision. This close, I couldn’t miss a single nuance of the color.
It was perfect.
His skin was so warm. The tension in his muscles beckoned for me to explore them. He and Liam were so alike, even how they bulked. But Rome was definitely leaner. Then he flexed his arms and a laugh escaped me as the muscles rippled over his chest. When I glanced up, he watched me steadily. His lips were kiss swollen and damp.
My belly tightened at the look on his face, the openness in it. “Rome…”
“I’m here.”
Two words, just like when he was outside the bathroom and they wrapped me up in an embrace of their own. He was right here. When I moved to sit more firmly on his lap, I had to straddle him. He dropped his hands to my hips and then settled me there. There was no hiding the thickness of his erection.
But… “I’m not…I don’t want to just…” The words kept stuttering out. How did I tell him I didn’t want to ruin anything for him? He’d been so surprised when I’d sucked him off, so— “You’ve never done this before, have you?”
I suspected. I thought. Had we talked about this? The buzz under my skin and in my head was back.
“Kiss?” He looked curious.
“No, I know we’ve kissed.” The kisses I remembered.
He raised a finger back to my lips and stroked the lower one before he pressed it forward gently. The question in his eyes didn’t need explanation. I sucked his finger against my tongue and his pupils dilated.
“I liked this,” he said.
I kissed his finger as I let it go and nodded. “I liked that too.”
“You liked it when I kissed your cunt too?”
A grin slipped through, even as another rush of heat flash fired over me. “Yes. I liked it when you licked me—even when you licked Vaughn, too.”
“He was in the way.”
“So you said.”
“He’s not in the way now.”
No. He wasn’t. But… After Doc insisted on the test. “Maybe we should wait?”
“For Doc.” It wasn’t a question.
I made a face, but then I nodded. “I don’t want to hurt you.” I didn’t want to hurt any of them.
He ran his fingers through my hair. “We can kiss?” I nodded even as he patiently loosened a snarl. “I like kissing.”
Maybe it hadn’t been an invitation, but I leaned into him anyway and he went still again as I kissed the corner of his mouth gently, then the other side, and when I slid my hand to his nape, he clasped mine. Then his tongue was there to duel with and I sank against him. Yes, I liked the kissing too.
Another knock on the door and Rome ignored it. His mouth held me captive as he nipped, licked, and sucked at me until I groaned. The knock came again.
And again.
The fourth time, he lifted his head. “Fuck. Off. Liam.”
He spit each word like a bullet.
Outside the door, his twin laughed and I blinked, glancing from Rome to the door then back. Rome’s expression declared pure mutiny and I smoothed my fingers over his lips. “It might be important…”
He sighed, before he called, “We’ll be out in five minutes.”
“I’m counting!”
“Fuck. Off.”
Liam was still laughing when Rome dragged my mouth back to his, but I let go of all of it. Five minutes sounded really good right now.
CHAPTER 37