I drop one more kiss on his mouth which he returns without hesitation, it’s different this time. Soft and full of emotions that I can’t bear to name just yet, it’s breaking and mending my heart all at once. How are we going to survive this world, when all it does is cause us pain? Maybe just having each other will be enough to get us through, please let it be true.
Amias is excused from classes for a week and me and the girls are given passes so we can get clothes for the summer party. It doesn’t feel right buying dresses to have a party when Harrison is lying in the intensive care ward. The girls feel sorry for him but it’s more of a general concern, but it’s different for me.
I understand what Amias is going through, only he isn’t hiding from it like I did. Don’t go there Henleigh, no good can come from it.
I pick up a pale pink dress, which is surprising for me as I don’t usually go for this colour, but it’s stunning. And I’m teaming it with silver kitten heels and a teardrop jewellery set.
The girls are complaining about being hungry, but I can’t think about eating right now. Instead, I tell them that I’m going to grab something for Amias, and I’ll meet them back at the school. Luckily, we were brought in by two cars as Roxie joined us later, so I take her ride and it isn’t long before I’m standing outside of the ICU.
What am I doing here? He’s an arsehole who told me to my face that I should go and kill myself and yet here I am. Fighting with myself on whether or not I should go and see him.
I had already phoned ahead and knew he wouldn’t have any visitors until later, the only problem is I had to lie and say I was his girlfriend to even get to see him. They weren’t going to, but I think his mum or dad were there at the time and they said he’d want me there.
I feel so bad for lying, but I need to see him with my own eyes, for Amias.
I walk in and I’m quickly shown to his room, he’s wired up to so many machines I don’t know where to look.
“I know it looks scary, but he’s doing better than it seems,” says the nurse who’s escorted me in. She checks a few things off of his chart before leaving and giving us privacy.
“Hey Harrison, I know you don’t want me using your name, but you haven’t really got a lot of choice at the moment. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I hate you for the things you’ve done and what you got the girls to do, I can’t help but think you were responsible for what put me in here as well. But even if that is true, I still hope you make it through this unscathed. Not just because of Amias but because, no matter what you’ve done to me, you don’t deserve this.”
I hold his hand and talk about mindless crap, I even read the sports section from a newspaper that’s been left on his table. I feel like an idiot, but I don’t feel right leaving knowing that he’ll be alone for a few more hours. So I stay, up until half an hour before his parents will arrive, because I do not want to have to meet them and admit to my lie. I’m not his girlfriend. In his eyes I’m the enemy.
Mrs. Hutchinson is surprised by my request to continue visiting him, and unsurprisingly, she refuses. I’m not sure what she thinks I’m going to do, but I don’t really have a leg to stand on, so I have to let it go.
Amias wants to visit him but his parents have refused, at least for the time being. He’s finding it hard and he’s been keeping to himself a lot more lately. I think he’s only really spoken to either me or Noah. Of course, everyone finds things easier when Noah is around.
One issue that has arisen however, is that Elijah has asked me to go with him to the party and even though I want to say yes, it doesn’t feel right. Just because he would be open to sharing me, doesn’t mean the others would and I already know Amias is the jealous type and wouldn’t want to share. I just don’t think I could choose between them and it makes me want to speak to Elijah’s family even more.
He isn’t pleased by my refusal and I really don’t trust the huge smile that overtook his face when he said he completely understood. Oh no that boy is up to something, and I doubt it’s anything good.
It’s why I feel so nervous as all three of them sit down with Ivy and none of them, apart from Elijah, is smiling.
“You need to sort these guys out, before I get back with my food. I am fed up with being the manliest one here and I haven’t even got a dick,” she says and glares at Elijah when he offers his hand for a fist bump.
“What’s going on?” I ask, cautiously, this could be about anything, but my gut is telling me it’s about Elijah asking me to be his date.
“Oh nothing, you know just this idiot telling us how we should all be your date for the summer party. As if that would even work,” says Amias. His tone is dark as usual but the haunted look in his eyes is new.
“It’s not that difficult, we go as a group and we all get to dance with her. Why are you making such a song and dance about it all?” Yeah because that sounds so simple, I swear he lives in the clouds. “There’s nothing wrong with dating more than one person.” His words are like a punch to the gut, all this time I’ve been thinking about how much I want them all. I hadn’t even considered that they may want me to share them as well.
“Elijah, shut up. He didn’t mean it like that, he’s on about how there’s nothing wrong with you dating more than one person, not us,” Noah cuts in and I feel confused.
“You don’t want to date me though.” Hasn’t he made this clear enough already, what is he trying to do to me. Talk about a head fuck.
“Not yet no, but I meant what I said to you in the hospital. If I can find a way to quiet my demons, then I’m fighting for you. I don’t know if I can share, but I’m not saying no either,” he rushes to add, before giving me my favourite smile of his.
“I am, I don’t share, and I won’t share my cub. If she wants to be with me great, but honestly right now, a party is the last thing on my mind. You guys want to go that’s fine by me, but if Henleigh decides she’s ready to try a relationship. Then it’ll be just me and her or I’m out. Until that moment, do what you want.” So final, maybe there really is no changing his mind and I don’t know if I’m selfless enough to give him up.
I think this is worse than having a bucket of ice thrown over you, in two-degree weather. He’s fine with me kissing the others as long as I don’t want to be with them, fuck me. I could lose Amias if I choose wrong. But what if making a choice in the first place, is the wrong choice to make?
“Enough, I will go to the party by myself, if you want to dance then ask. Otherwise I’m going stag, and you can sort this out between yourselves.” I shoot them all with my best stare, showing them that I mean business. “And as for you Amias, I’ve already told you that I’m not going anywhere, and you are not getting rid of me that easily. So, sort yourselves out and I’ll see you when you stop arguing over things that are irrelevant.” I stand up and give them one last glare before turning around and walking away. I won’t storm off, but I also won’t look back.
“What did you do this time?” Ivy says to the guys as I make it to the door. I roll my eyes as I imagine her expression when Elijah talks about his ‘great’ idea.