“Devon, no, please tell me. I can’t keep living like this, and you can’t get out and go after someone you’ll end up straight back in here,” I exclaim, now feeling scared for him. He’s going to get himself into more trouble, he isn’t invincible!
“No I won’t, because I don’t plan on surviving it, when I take them down I’ll be a good little captain and go down with the ship. And I won’t tell you a damn thing, why would I let you risk yourself for a fool’s errand? It won’t bring Elliott or any of the others back, you won’t be getting any help from me little Hen. And I severely doubt you’ll get very far on your own.” He’s so hard and mocking and although it’s angering me, I still love him.
“I want to help you get justice for them.” Yeah I really am a fool, as if he’s going to agree to that. I need to stop letting my emotions rule my actions and words.
“Henleigh I promised your brother I would keep you safe and that’s exactly what I have and will be doing. I haven’t left you alone for a single day that I’ve been locked up. There has always been someone keeping a watchful eye on you. I’ll admit I wanted to wring their neck when you ended up in the hospital but unfortunately things can happen.” I know that look, he’s going to make them suffer because I was attacked by the Shepherds. Wait a second, he’s been spying on me.
“Hang on, you’ve got someone in my school. Watching me?” This is so messed up.
“Got it in one, do you want to know who it is little Hen. I can guarantee you won’t like the answer,” he offers me the crumb and I snatch it up.
“Why would you tell me this, but not the truth about my brother?” That has to be the best question I’ve asked so far.
“Because he broke the rules and I do not appreciate that. He wasn’t supposed to get that close to you, so now he can face your justice. Please, little Hen, drop the rest of it. Don’t ruin the image you have of Elliott. He can never improve it.” This would be the time that anyone but Devon would beg; he’s not the type of person to beg for anything, he orders and you better listen and do as you’re told.
“Nothing will ever change the way I see him, but if you won’t tell me then I’ll find a way to figure it out for myself. I won’t let sleeping dogs lie, so tell me who you set on me and then I’m gone.” I’ve had enough, if he refuses to help me then I’ll go it alone.
“Can’t you see I’m doing this to protect you? the people responsible are not to be messed with. Especially not for you, they will crush you and they’ll take immense pleasure in doing so. I will make them suffer and pay, just enjoy your life. It’s about time you started to actually live.” Devon tries one last time, surely he knows he’s failing miserably.
“Despite what you think, I don’t need your protection. I love you Devy, I always will, but I’m through with you messing with my life. That’s all you are really doing. So, stop, stop ruining it and trying to keep me out of danger, because it keeps on finding me. Whether the bullies or whatever messed up shite life throws my way. You can’t protect me, so just tell me who you forced into my life so I can kick them to the curb.” My voice is rising and I’m drawing unwanted attention, but I’m nearly past the point where I give two shits about it. So, he tells me.
He’s right, the answer hurts and it is leaving me with so many doubts and painful questions. Has it all been a lie? Did he ever really care for me or was it all a ruse so he could do Devon’s work. Once summer is over I’m going to find out, and this time, I won’t be lied to or deceived. He thought he knew enough but he and even Devon are about to discover, they never really knew me.
I will find out not just who killed my brother but why he had to die, my parents are through avoiding my questions. No more miss nice girl, from here on out, anyone who misleads me or keeps me in the dark, will discover just what kind of person I truly am.
I climb back in the car and the hurt has given way to anger, but I’m not going to show it to Elisa and Eli. I still want to know how her relationship works and how she knew it was what she wanted, or maybe it was more of a need. Right now, I can’t see mine being bigger than two people not after what I just discovered. I am wondering if the other two knew, and I’m praying to whatever force is listening that this isn’t the case.
Can I forgive him for manipulating me and making me think he liked me, I don’t know. I was so close to loving him that I want to believe it wasn’t all pretend, but how can I trust anything he has to say. He wants to be with me come September, well he’s going to have a long road ahead of him to even stand a chance of making that a reality. I’m not ready to let him go; not yet, but I’m not about to let him any further into my heart. Watch out Amias, I know where your true loyalties lie and clearly it was never with me.
“Did it go okay sweetie?” Elisa asks, as I sit staring out of the window without actually taking anything in.
“As well as could be expected, I didn’t learn much but my suspicions were correct. He didn’t kill my brother. I don’t know who did but he made it clear it wasn’t an accident.” My tone is hard, unintentional but I can’t help it. I’m so angry, I just need to work out how to use it constructively to get everything I need.
“Shit Hen, I’m sorry. What are you going to do?” asks Eli.
“I'm going to figure out the answer to my questions myself, but first I’m going to enjoy my holiday with the people who matter.”