“Tyff,” Whelon said, his voice rough with intent. “Do you feel her? Do you feel the Knowing?”
Tyff shook his head but held even tighter to Renay’s hand.
“I see things. Sun-soaked fields of wheat and an old farmhouse.”
“That’s home,” Renay whispered. “My great grandparents’ house.”
“I see rows of books… Happy children.”
“The library,” she replied.
“Anything else,” Yazen prompted. Tyff shook his head.
“I’m not feeling… Anything.” His voice was pained. “I mean, I know she’s my mate. I can’t let go of her. But my heart—” he placed a hand on his chest and looked around at the others, as if asking for help.
“My heart doesn’t sway. I’m so sorry, my love.” He leaned over and stroked her hair. “I can’t connect with you. I can’t feel you.”
Renay blinked back tears, looking as deeply into his eyes as she dared. He wasn’t happy. That was clear. Maybe he didn’t want to be mated.
The idea shocked her to the bone. The Knowing told her that Preor lived for their families, and that came before duty. Yet Tyff was standing right in front of her and the only emotion he showed was confusion.
“Do you even want me?” Her voice was a soft gasp. Both Yazen and Whelon looked over at Tyff in alarm.
“I…” He looked into her eyes, but all she could see was his fear. The silence in the medbay deepened and became as sharp as a warrior’s blade. No one knew what to say.
Chapter Seventeen
Tyff kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look up. He knew Whelon and Yazen were just desperately trying to understand, but they were giving him a look that seemed just slightly judgmental. Maybe he was imagining it since he was certainly judging himself.
He could not bear to look into Renay’s face. She was full of longing and hope, and no matter how hard he tried, his heart simply would not open for her. He kept searching himself, waiting for the wave of power to rush through him. He was actually beginning to think something might be wrong with him.
“Tyff.” Yazen’s hand on his shoulder startled him so badly he jumped out of his chair. “You are in perfect health. I know what you are thinking. That maybe you’re injured in some way, but I tell you, you are fine.”
“Are you sure?” He looked up, begging Yazen for a better explanation. “There must be something! Please, tell me there’s something—”
Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m injured, damaged, anything!
Yazen shook his head.
“This is fascinating, Yazen,” Whelon said with some excitement. “You must document everything. This has never happened before, not from the Preor side.”
“No, it has not,” Yazen agreed. “And the women had physical enhancements that blocked the Knowing.”
“Any suggestions, Yazen?” Whelon clearly didn’t have any.
“Heart Master,” Yazen said, immediately. “It’s a pity Khaza is down at the Tower with Chashan. I’d like her opinion.”
“She trained Dawn,” Whelon replied. “I think Dawn can certainly give you some guidance.”
Yazen nodded. “Will you see her, Tyff?”
Tyff nodded, letting his eyes slide back to the floor. He held Renay’s hand as tightly as he dared, but he couldn’t look her in the eyes.
“I have to go. The hospital is still full over here,” Whelon said.
The monitor clicked off, and Tyff was at complete odds with himself—with all the things he felt like he should be feeling. Instead he felt completely alone.
You aren’t alone, shaa kouvi! Renay’s hand gripped his even more tightly and he heard her words in his mind. He managed to smile at her, but he was unsure if he had actually heard her, or told himself he had because he wanted to.
In the quiet after Whelon’s call, Yazen took a few more readings. While Tyff finally looked into Renay’s eyes and tried to feel something—anything—Yazen called Dawn.
“She can see you soon,” Yazen said, breaking them both out of contemplation. “I assume you’ll be staying here?”
“I can’t.” Tyff stood up, ready to leave the room. He looked down at his hand in surprise, because even though he had taken a step away from the bed, he had not let go of her.
“What?” Yazen asked uncertainly.
“The ship routines have only just been put back in order,” Tyff said firmly. “They need me. The ceremony will be in a matter of days. I can’t stay idle.”
“Yes, my love,” Renay said gently. “You have to go.” She let go of his hand and pulled back on the bed, putting space between them. She looked up at him with compassion and understanding, and Tyff felt like he should apologize for some reason.
“I’m going to put you to sleep, Renay,” said Yazen quietly. “You will heal much faster. She won’t even know you’re gone, Tyff.”
He opened his mouth to speak, desperate to make this situation right. He didn’t even know what to say to her. The harder he reached into his mind and heart, the less he felt.
“Go, shaa kouvi,” Renay whispered. “Go and lead your warriors. I’ll be waiting.”
Tyff stayed until her beautiful eyes fell closed, knowing she was far away now. He also knew there was no safer place for her to be, even if part of him did not want to leave her.
Muster your strength now! he told his dragon fiercely. Many a time a Preor had to leave their mate to fight! If I do not perform my duty, the ship is not safe for her.
Tyff thanked Yazen and left, telling him he would catch up with Dawn later. He felt an intense trepidation about the event, as if he were afraid of what she might find.
As he headed down the halls, he couldn’t stop thinking about Renay. He could literally feel her skin on his work-worn hands, smell her and taste her. His dragon rolled somewhere deep inside him, filling his blood with fire. Lust was not the problem. She inflamed him completely and only her injuries had prevented him from claiming her right there in the medbay.
Her skin was so very pale, softer than spider silk. Her hands were fine and smooth, her body rounded and soft. He couldn’t wait to lose himself in her, touch every inch of that curved loveliness with his lips.
He wanted her. He loved her, but it wasn’t enough. Not without the Knowing.
As he headed back into the training room to join the drills, he was relieved to see that Choler had taken on command and was keeping all the warriors working. For one thing, this incident had only heightened the need for an infallible chain of command.
He jogged around, grabbing a medicine ball and tossing it through the ranks so everyone had to bend, twist, and throw as well as keep pace. The hard exercise brought clarity to his mind and he finally realized that the horrible feeling in his chest was fear.
I fear nothing! No enemy! I am Preor!
Even though he tried to deny it, fear still trickled through him, freezing his heart.
He was afraid of Renay.
What if she’s like Lane or Sasha? What if she is against us and brings hatred to us? What if our situation demands that I sacrifice my position, as the others have? What if—