“That a hint?” He pushed my shirts up higher, palm skimming over my ribs and chest.
“If you want it to be.” I could joke, but I had no interest in pressuring him further than he wanted to go. Like him, I was already high on the closeness, and much as I craved some skin, I’d be okay if this didn’t end in orgasm.
My cock twitched impatiently in my jeans, objecting to that idea, but my brain was much more about figuring out what Calder wanted and needed. And maybe he didn’t entirely know the answer to that because he took his time, playing with the edge of my sweater as he kissed my neck, delicious torture. Goosebumps multiplied on my arms and legs with each lick and tease.
“Fuck.” I moaned softly. His thumb moved idly against my nipple, random sparks that joined the shower of sensations stemming from the neck kisses, and the combo was almost enough to get me there with zero friction or clothing removal.
“Okay, yeah, I want your collar out of the way.” He rolled away enough so that we could both sit up and pull off our shirts. I toyed with my belt, not wanting to rush him, waiting until he nodded at my hand. “Jeans too. I want to see if the neck trick works a second time.”
“Neck trick, huh?” I chuckled as I pulled off my pants and he did the same. “And, yes, it will work. I’m kind of embarrassingly easy.”
“I love that about you.” He grinned broadly. “Be easy all you want. Anything else unusual that gets you off? I want to know all your secrets.”
“All of them?” I faked shock, eyes going wide, like I had anything worth hiding.
“All of them.” Tickling me lightly, he tumbled us back onto the bed, naked now, and I groaned from how damn good his bare skin felt against mine. He had more body hair than a lot of fair-skinned guys, fuzzy chest and abs, which rubbed deliciously against me as he returned to spooning me. “Tell me everything.”
“Uh... I’m pretty tame, honestly. Kiss my neck and give me anything resembling friction and I’ll get there. Or grinding and kissing. Give me a steady diet of making out, and I’m a happy guy.”
“What about the other stuff?” His hold on me tightened, and I could practically hear his frown. Heck. Maybe I’d misread him, and he wanted something other than fooling around and kissing endlessly. Most guys eventually did, so I made sure my smile didn’t dip.
“It’s all good. I’m not always the most on bottoming, but I will if that’s what you’re up for. I like oral too, giving especially.” I started to turn in his embrace, but he held me fast.
“I wasn’t hinting at wanting either of those things.” His tone was still too serious as was his heavy sigh. “I love what we’ve been doing. Can I tell you something?”
“Absolutely.” I had a feeling that if I looked up at him, he’d stop, so I let him talk into my hair.
“Sometimes I have a really hard time getting off. I hate disappointing people. Like oral is amazing but then I feel bad because someone’s jaw is locking up and I’m nowhere close. Or we do all the prep and buildup for fucking, and then I still need my hand to climax. I feel like such a buzzkill.”
“You’re not,” I hurried to add, but he was already shaking his head.
“Yeah. I kind of am. There’s lasting a long time like sexy endurance and then there’s marathon slog where I can legit sense that the other person really just wants to be done and go to sleep. So you being super easy to make come, that’s amazing. I love that. Makes me want to get you off over and over.”
“Well, I knew having a hair trigger would come in handy sometime...” I waited for him to laugh before getting more serious. “There’s no one right way to have sex. Including not having it. If it doesn’t feel good or does feel good for a while and then stops feeling good, it’s okay to switch to things that do feel good. I’m not feeding you a line when I say that I really would be okay with kissing for the next three hours, even if neither of us comes. I can give myself orgasms. But self-cuddling is way harder.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” He chuckled more freely now. “I love cuddling. I miss being a teen when all the expectations for what comes after weren’t there yet.”
“They don’t have to be there now. I am way too old to give a fuck about other people’s expectations—”
“You’re not old.” He tickled me until I giggled. “See? Not old. And you’re right. Maybe that’s why it feels different with you. The pressure to fuck you through the mattress doesn’t seem to be there.”
I gulped because I honestly wouldn’t turn that down, but I also meant what I said about liking other things more and about us setting our own rules. Seeing him so down on himself made my voice firmer even as my heart went that much more tender. “If you got to decide, like ordering at an ice cream place, no expectations or pressure, what would you like most right now?”
“Hmm.” He kissed my neck in between making thinking noises that made my spine vibrate. “I want to kiss your neck while you tell me where else to touch you that makes you feel incredible, and I want to keep kissing you until you come, and then I want to cuddle you all boneless and happy. That was the best last time.”
“Yeah, it was.” My throat was strangely tight. His wants were so simple and so nicely aligned with mine that giving him this was ridiculously easy. “Let’s do exactly that. And if you want to come too, I found it hot as hell when you stroked off last time, but I’m also cool if you don’t want that.”
“Not sure what I want. Rubbing against your ass feels good right now. I like lying like this.”
“Me too.” I tipped my head back for a leisurely kiss. The angle wasn’t the best, but the gentle gratitude of his mouth more than made up for any neck strain. “We’ll figure everything else out as we go.”
Chapter Seventeen
Calder
I was naked in a bed with another person, and it was apparently A-OK if no one came. Well, Felix was going to come because getting Felix off was fun, all his little reactions and sounds. But I didn’t have to, which was weird, but also freeing as hell. For all that I told others to have fun, shutting off my own inner perfectionist was hard.
Felix made it easy to let go though. I ran my hands all over his lean body. He was slim and strong, but not wiry or muscle-bound. I liked the softness to his belly and the downy hair on his thighs. I liked even more that he hadn’t tried to use doctor or therapist talk on me when I’d told him about the unique way I seemed to be wired.
I wasn’t clueless. I knew that sex drives came in many flavors and strengths, everything from ace to hypersexual, vanilla to kinky sprinkles, and lots of combos, but my body wasn’t so easy to classify. I did have a sex drive, but I got randomly horny in hard-to-predict ways. And for whatever reason, friction or familiarity, I found it far easier to climax from my own hand. And Felix had taken all that at face value, made me feel normal even, and not tried to pin a label on it.