“Indeed. And we could all use a little more fun.” I shot a meaningful look at Calder, but he was busy collecting dirty dishes and avoiding my eyes.
“We’ll be back,” he said on our way out the door. The we sounded right. A team for more than the dire emergency of the night before. But first we needed to get past this awkward too-polite thing.
“You did a good thing.” I followed him down the stairs.
Pausing near the bottom, he shrugged. “You needed the sleep.”
“I did. I could have managed—”
“Of course you could have.” He laughed but there was a tinge of frustration there too, and that was on me.
“But I didn’t have to.” I touched his arm as if I could rub away the effect of my stubbornness. “Thank you for being here. I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time about staying.”
“It’s okay. It was sort of awkward timing.” He made a vague gesture that undoubtedly encompassed the unfinished conversation. “And you like to handle things yourself. I get it.”
“Yes, but maybe I could dial back the self-sufficiency.” Admitting that was hard. My fingers dug into the stair railing. “I think I got so wrapped up in proving that I could do it all for the girls that I forgot how good it feels to not have to.”
“I understand.” He put a hand over mine before I could gouge the rail. “I really do. I spent so many years trying to prove something as well. I wanted to show the world I was a winner. Over and over. You made me realize that maybe I don’t have to always go hard-charging through life.”
“You don’t.” My heart twisted that he couldn’t easily see his own innate worth. “You’re already a great guy. You don’t need to do anything other than be yourself to prove that.”
“Thanks.” His cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as he trudged the rest of the way to the kitchen. I wasn’t sure he believed me, but his voice was fond. “That’s what I like most about you. Here I can truly take a load off. And that’s why it feels so good to be able to do the same for you. If I can make it so you don’t have to always work overtime, then that feels like a different sort of win.”
“It’s a big win.” I swallowed hard. Perhaps he needed to take care of me. I’d been so busy trying not to be a burden that I hadn’t thought about what he might get out of helping. “And you do take good care of me. Even when I don’t want to let you.”
He retrieved a can of soup and pot before turning back to me with a smile. “Hey, I wasn’t going to let you sleep all night on that poor rabbit.”
“Thanks, Calder.” Unable to wait another moment, I gave him a soft kiss before he could set the pot down. He made a soft, almost wistful sound as I released him. “Was that okay? Sorry. I know things are weird...”
His smile turned wry. “They are. But I’m never going to turn down a kiss.”
“I want more.” Somehow, it was easier to talk to his back while he opened the can of soup and dumped it in the pot.
“Good.” He leered over his shoulder at me.
“I don’t mean just kissing.”
That got him serious again in a hurry. “Yeah?”
“I’m still worried though.” Now that he was looking right at me, it was hard again to get the words out. I didn’t have a plan for this conversation and that was almost as scary as the emotions involved.
“Me too.” He nodded solemnly. “Definitely worried. More so now.”
“Oh.” My shoulders deflated and I occupied myself by retrieving the coffee I so desperately needed. I should have known. It was too late. He’d likely had second thoughts himself. “It’s all right. I understand. It was a hard night.”
“Hard doesn’t scare me.” Setting the soup to simmer, he turned me so I had to look at him. “You’re not going to chase me off with a little puke and some lost sleep. I meant more that I get it now. You have to put the girls first and not in some vague idealistic sense. Putting them first means sometimes giving up what might be best for you. It’s a lot of responsibility.”
“It is.” Him coming to understand my point was huge and made it easier to see a path forward. If we both wanted the same things, including what was best for the girls, maybe reaching for each other wasn’t such a terrible idea. “I also think the kids thrive when I thrive. Me being happy isn’t a trivial thing.”
“You being happy is everything.” His eyes crinkled before he dropped a kiss to my forehead. “But I’m willing to admit I might not be the right thing for all three of you being happy. I want to be. So badly. But it’s not as simple as you and I deciding to give it go.”
Cocky and confident Calder turning all humble made my resolve that much stronger. He wasn’t trying to charm his way into my heart, and he was truly putting my needs before his own. I trailed my fingers down his jaw.
“Perhaps it could be. I’m not saying we ignore the kids. But if we’re cautious, dating doesn’t have to be off the table.”
“I’m good with cautious. Slow.” His smile was still rather tight. “And you need to go slow for more than simply the girls. You’re still recovering from the divorce. I want to be more than your rebound.”
“You are.” I brushed a fast kiss across his lips before sighing. The mention of the divorce reminded me I had baggage beyond the kids to contend with. “I do wish my life were simpler for you.”
Calder gripped my shoulders firmly. “I told you. Your mess doesn’t scare me. And I trust you to handle it. I only want to be that landing spot for you, something to make a hard day better.”
“You do.” I gazed up at him, unsure where we went from here, but certain that I wanted to at least try. Because he did make tough things easier. “I want to be scared together. Let’s try being the kind of friends who date too.”
“I’d like that.” He lowered his head to kiss me right as feet sounded on the stairs and we jumped apart.
“Can we watch the third movie when you come back?” Charlotte asked. “And that soup is bubbling.”
“Oops.” Calder went to rescue the pot, cheeks adorably rosy. “Sure thing on the movie. I don’t have anywhere else to be. It’s a good day for a movie marathon while you recover.”
Nowhere else to be. I continued to work on trusting him that he wanted to be here. He certainly seemed content enough to watch bad musicals and eat slightly burned soup, and maybe that was enough for now. We’d figure out a plan eventually.
Chapter Thirty-Seven