“Sure. I saw your tablet downstairs. I’ll bring that up with your breakfast.”
Quickly I fixed a second tray and brought up Madeline’s tablet. Moving her charger closer to the bed, I then propped it up with some books so they could use it as a TV in bed. And they managed to talk me into using my account to rent them a musical with a soundtrack I recognized even if I hadn’t seen the movie yet.
“You stay for the movie,” Charlotte ordered sternly. I started to object then remembered how much I wanted Felix to keep sleeping. As I dragged the chair closer to the bed, I also tried to channel the way Felix always indulged their requests like this. He was such a damn good parent, showing up for them over and over in big and small ways.
In many ways, making the girls happy was as easy as pressing play on the movie, but in other ways, complex calculations were needed to determine what their long-term best interests were. Felix was right. They didn’t deserve more upheaval in their lives. If I was going to be there for Felix, I needed to be there for all of them.
Partway through the musical, a song came on that I had on a workout playlist of mine and I found myself humming along.
“You know this song?” Eyes wide, Charlotte looked like she’d discovered I had a set of fairy wings.
“Uh. Yeah.” My cheeks heated even though she seemed more impressed than ready to tease me.
“That’s so cool.” She bounced against the mountain of pillows and stuffed animals behind her. “Let’s sing along.”
“Uh...” The old me would have objected rather strenuously to the suggestion. But why? It was another easy way to make her happy, and with my brain still buzzing with all the way harder choices, I was all about seizing the easy win. “Quietly. Uncle Felix needs the rest.”
And so we rewound and watched the number again, singing along this time. I wanted a snapshot of this moment as well, a chance to freeze time with the three of us exactly like this, happy and singing softly, real world pressures far away.
“There’s a sequel.” Madeline’s cheeks were pink with excitement, not fever, and no way could I turn down that enthusiasm.
“We can watch that next.”
The question of what was in their best long-term interest continued to loom large, but as we watched and sang, I wanted to be right there. Showing up for them was a grave responsibility, but also a privilege. And not one I could win or charm my way into but rather something to earn. If I was going to make this thing with Felix succeed, I needed to be ready to do that work. And even then, it might not be enough.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Felix
The soft sound of off-key singing woke me gently from the deepest sleep I could remember. My mouth was all cottony and my brain fuzzy like I’d wallowed in dreamland longer than was prudent. Because the noises sounded happy, I took a fast minute to brush my teeth and pull on some clothes.
Damn. Had I really fallen asleep in my towel? I really had been out of it when I’d stumbled out of the bathroom and landed on the bed. Thank God for Calder. He’d been right about me needing the shower and sleep even if I didn’t want to admit it.
The sound of his baritone mingling with the girls’ voices continued to carry as I headed down the hall. He’d stayed. I’d tried to send him away, and he’d stayed. That mattered.
I passed the hall bathroom, which was sparkling despite the abuse it had taken the night before. If I hadn’t already been softening toward Calder, that might have done the trick. He’d literally cleaned up our mess and was still here. Singing even.
I paused in the doorway to Madeline’s room. Calder’s back was to me. He’d dragged the chair next to the bed and the three of them were watching some show with a lot of people dancing on tables on the tablet, giggling and singing along. Calder was sprawled in the chair as if he were battling some exhaustion himself, but his laughter was strong and genuine.
He wasn’t faking it for my benefit either. None of them had spotted me yet, but they appeared to be having a great time. Two trays with empty dishes indicated he’d even fed them. My chest...
I couldn’t even describe the feeling inside me. The first time I’d held Madeline as a baby, it was like my heart found an extra chamber, one that had only expanded when Charlotte came along, and the last few years were full of dozens of little moments when that extra space reserved for them became my whole entire heart.
Watching Calder with the girls was one of those indescribable moments where I wasn’t sure my heart was up to the task, let alone my vocabulary. I was still struggling to find my voice when Charlotte turned to Calder.
“I’m hungry again. I want soup.”
He sat up a little straighter like he was searching for a new reserve of energy. I knew that feeling well. “I ordered some cans of chicken and rice.”
“Ew.” Charlotte made a sour face. “I want tomato.”
“That sounds like a recipe for disaster.” Calder’s voice was teasing, not calling her on her rudeness.
“He means you might hurl again,” Madeline added, elbowing Charlotte. “I’ll have more toast. I’m never puking again.”
“Never say never.” Calder laughed heartily. Stretching, he caught my eye and smiled wider. “But not today would be helpful.”
“Not today would definitely be helpful.” I stepped more fully into the room. “You both look well. And cozy.”
“We got breakfast in bed,” Charlotte announced. They both looked like little queens propped up in the bed on pillows and floating in a sea of blankets and quilts. “And a movie. Calder paid.”
“And he sang along,” I couldn’t help but tease.
“Guilty.” Oh, his blush was so damn sweet. I had to work hard to resist kissing him.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” I settled for touching his shoulder. “You’re a lifesaver. Thank you for the sleep.”
“No problem. You probably need coffee and food now.” He stood up and retrieved the two trays. “There’s some I made earlier, but I could do a fresh pot.”
“What’s there is fine. I can help you with the soup while I find some cereal for me.” We were both being too formal with our speech, overly cautious. While the girls had been so sick, we’d been a team, but now that they were better, his question and our prior conversation seemed to hang in the air, impossible to ignore much longer.
“You all set with the sequel?” Calder asked the girls, who nodded.
“Maybe you feel up to lunch at the table?” I suggested, but Charlotte wrinkled up her nose.
“Where’s the fun in that?”