“You are not. You’re freezing and that rabbit is no pillow.” I helped him sit up, then gave him a hand up to stand. “You’ll sleep better in your own bed, I promise.”
“God, I’m a mess.” Following me into the hall, Felix glanced down at his clothing. He’d lost his dress shirt at some point, and his white T-shirt wasn’t so white anymore and his pants were hopelessly wrinkled.
“You are.” I couldn’t disagree. “You want to try a shower first?”
He glanced toward his room, then shook his head. “I shouldn’t. One of them might need me, and I can’t hear in the shower.”
“I’m right here.” Opening the linen closet, I found him two clean towels. “I can hold down the fort long enough for you to shower. Trust me.”
“If they wake up...”
“I’m planting myself on the couch here.” I pointed to the small couch tucked into the loft reading area near the top of the stairs. “I’ll hear them. And if they need you, I’ll come for you.”
However, I planned to try my darnedest to solve whatever came up so he could get some consecutive hours of sleep. I’d already snatched a few naps myself on the couch, but I was used to irregular sleep patterns from my time on the sub. And of the two of us, Felix had had the far rougher night, doing the lion’s share of the comforting. Cleaning was easy. The sort of emotional support he’d provided for the girls was the real feat.
“A shower does sound good.” He took a few steps toward his room, then stopped to look between the two girls’ rooms.
“Go on. I’ve got this.” I used my chief voice even though inside I was hoping the kids stayed asleep. Comfort was far outside my wheelhouse, and I didn’t want to have to wake Felix up to admit that.
Finally, Felix grudgingly trotted off to his shower, and since I wanted to stay awake to hear the girls before he did, I busied myself cleaning their bathroom. This would be a fun room to remodel. More involved than the pantry and closet projects, but it would be neat picking out paint and tile with them. If Felix kept me around.
And that was the big if hanging over the whole night. He’d decided to let me stay, but I didn’t delude myself into thinking our earlier conversation was resolved. He’d appreciated the extra set of hands, but I had no clue as to whether he’d changed his thinking about us at all. At least I’d made sure he wasn’t alone, and gotten him some rest. That was something.
Back on the couch on the landing, I checked my phone. Max had won big. I still wasn’t jealous. A few hours earlier Gabrielle had thanked me for the updates and reported that she was off to bed. A more recent text from my mom revealed she was up to her old insomniac ways.
How are the kids? she asked. I did a quick reply.
Sleeping. Was a long night. Your grocery ideas helped.
She texted back quickly, exactly as I’d predicted. Good. Hang in there. I bet they wake up far improved.
I hoped she was right. A quick check revealed both of them to be fast asleep, and Madeline was far less flushed. I peeked in Felix’s room to discover him sprawled out on the bed, still in a towel, sleeping the sleep of the utterly exhausted. My heart did a weird squeeze I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt before. And I’d never had a person where I both wanted to take care of them and wanted them to care for me in return. Perhaps that was what all good relationships were—taking turns caretaking—but I’d never wanted that on such a visceral level before.
I drew the covers up around him and was more than half tempted to lie down next to him if only for a minute, but I wanted to be able to head the girls off before they woke him. After a last long look at him, I returned to the couch with a blanket I’d raided from the linen closet. The couch was nowhere near long enough for my height, but I’d slept worse places.
I let myself doze, but I roused at the first sound of awake noises coming from Charlotte’s room. Morning light streamed through her windows, and true to Mom’s prediction, she had a big smile, no more groaning.
“I’m hungry,” she announced in a voice worthy of a stadium announcer.
“You sure?” I whispered, trying to get her to dial back the volume.
“Yes.” My trick worked because she lowered her voice at least somewhat. “My tummy doesn’t hurt.”
I didn’t share her certainty that breakfast would stay down, but I also knew that powerful morning-after-being-ill hunger. “I’ll see what I can find and bring you up something small.”
“Where’s Uncle Felix?” Curls all rumpled, she tilted her head, considering my presence for the first time.
“Asleep. He was really tired.”
“Is he sick?” She sounded so worried that I put a hand on her shoulder before she could race down the hall.
“I don’t think so, but the rest will help him.” I tried to pitch my voice as reassuring as I could. “Let me bring you breakfast in bed while he sleeps longer?”
“That sounds good.” She sounded like a businesswoman striking a deal, but then her voice went back to little-kid worried. “I don’t want Uncle Felix sick.”
“Me either.” My voice came out scratchy. I’d known since our first meeting that Felix was the girls’ guardian, but I hadn’t truly understood until that moment, that fear in Charlotte’s eyes, what it truly meant that he was all they had.
If he got sick, they didn’t have a fallback plan. They were counting on him to make good choices and to put them first. His objections to dating made more sense now. It wasn’t simply about what Felix wanted for himself and what he should let himself have, but about the best interests of the girls.
And a relationship with me might not be it, and that was deeply humbling. I’d structured my life to be worthy of praise and advancement. To be a winner, no matter what. But Felix’s life wasn’t a game, wasn’t a rank to achieve. My stomach churned the whole time I made Charlotte a breakfast tray.
Taking my mom’s advice from the night before, I made her a couple of small things to try—some dry toast, a cup of electrolyte drink, a little applesauce. I returned to find her in Madeline’s room, cozied up in her canopy bed, both of them under the covers.
“How are you feeling?” I asked Madeline as I took a fast picture of their adorableness for Felix for later.
“Better.” Her eyes turned sly. “Charlotte said we get to eat in bed if we let Uncle Felix sleep?”
“Absolutely.” I nodded. Bribery was totally acceptable if it bought Felix another chunk of sleep. “I’ll bring you a tray too.”
“Can we watch a movie?” Madeline asked. They were undoubtedly taking advantage of me not knowing the weekend rules for screen time, but I’d beg forgiveness from Felix later.