“I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Good. Did Thomas send you that picture at the Tower of London? He’s such a joker.”
She laughed, picturing her son pretending to scream from the top of the tower with his buddies. “Yeah, he seems to have some good friends. The last time we talked he actually said they were going to get a pint.”
Garrett laughed, and they spent the next few minutes talking about their son. When he was ready to hang up, she was surprised to realize there was a flare of longing burning in her chest. A need to look into her husband’s bright blue eyes; touch his face; be held by him.
“I miss you,” she said.
His voice was a low rumble of sound. “Miss you too, sweetheart.”
She clicked off and smiled. Sat for a long time in the garden, pondering her choices. Looking at her list. Thinking of Mom and her own path. Realizing just because she’d embraced motherhood, it didn’t mean she had no regrets. All this time, Bailey had been right. Pris looked at her mom as a mother, a parent, a person with no right to live in the gray zone, because that’s where she’d placed her father, and there was room there for only one parent to screw up.
“I understand, Mom,” she whispered.
The birds twittered and the bees buzzed and the sun shone.
Pris made her decision, opened her email, and began to write.
chapter thirty-four
Olivia
I spoke with Adam and told him I needed a few more days. My mom had already checked in with me and said it was no problem to keep Pris a little longer. She was having a wonderful time keeping her entertained in Boston and spending some quality time with her. I talked with Pris on the phone, her precious voice rushed and excited as she told me all the things Grammy had shown her, and when we hung up, I sank to my knees and cried for a long time.
I knew I’d been tired and more emotional than usual, dealing with on-and-off nausea, but I had a big decision to make. Or not. I also realized I could go back home and try a temporary separation with Adam. If we both wanted it to work between us badly enough, we might be able to repair the broken pieces.
But the more time I spent with Rafe, the more I knew I was lying to myself.
I’d never fallen out of love with him. I’d veered off course because I’d been too young and couldn’t make the final commitment. But now I knew this relationship had been so much more than a summer affair or a bittersweet first crush.
This was a forever love.
Yet, I faced the same obstacles. Adam and I had a child together, and I couldn’t just move to Italy to be with Rafe. I needed to think about the fallout if I suddenly declared to my husband that I was in love with another man and headed to Positano with Pris. Then again, Adam had made his choice to take another woman to bed during the most difficult time of our marriage. Wasn’t that when true character and loyalty were tested? Could he ever love me the way I needed him to if it was so easy to be intimate with another woman while lying to my face?
My mind became a jumbled mess, but beneath it, I knew there was an answer. I needed to be brave enough to really admit what I wanted and to accept that it would be hard either way. Piecing together my broken marriage would be the hardest thing I took on. And if Rafe was truly my soul mate, I’d need to find a compromise with Adam—maybe dual custody with half the year in Italy? Yes, it would be messy, but the thought of Pris growing up here, speaking Italian, living a simple life beyond all the trappings back in New York, called to me. It felt . . . right.
I spent the day on my own. I sketched, journaled, and sat with myself to ask the hard questions I rarely faced. I alone owned the capacity to create a life I loved and needed. And yes, Pris was everything, but I also knew she needed me fully committed to whatever future I chose. That way, I could be the best mother.
I saw Rafe that night. We dined at a quiet café overlooking the rocky coastline. The air held a deep-seated longing neither of us could hide. I reached for the bread and he gently clasped my wrist, his thumb pressing into my palm. The touch seared through me and I gasped at the familiar heat between us. His dark eyes glittered with emotion, and within them, I saw his unanswered question.
He released his grip and shuddered, as if trying to gain back control. “You leave on Saturday,” he said quietly. “Are you going back to him?”
The tangle of doubt and grief and guilt suddenly loosened. I looked into his eyes and felt the truth bubble up from within to spill over my tongue. “No. I’m not going back.”
A sharp breath expelled from his lips. “What are you going to do?”
I squeezed my eyes half shut, terrified but knowing now what I needed to do. “I’m going to tell Adam the truth about us. My feelings for you. And I’m going to bring Priscilla here for the summer. I want her to experience Italy and I want to see if this is something we can make work even if it’s complicated.” A sob caught in my throat. “I know it’s crazy, Rafe. I know it may blow up all over again and we won’t be able to patch together a life, but I want to try. I owe it to myself, to you, to us. I want to . . . try. If you want it too.”
The fierce joy carved out on his face told me his own truth. “Livia, it’s always been you. I will take anything you have to give me, don’t you realize this? Yes, I want you and Priscilla and to see however we can be together.”
My heart leapt, and we stared at each other over the flickering candlelight, poised for a whole new chance. This time, everything felt different. It was still hard, there were still obstacles and a difficult road ahead, but there was also less doubt. Yes, I still loved Adam, and he was Pris’s father, but Rafe completed me in some way that was a gift.
I couldn’t walk away from it again. This time, I knew exactly what I wanted.
We left the restaurant and went back to the cottage. As we had years ago, we made love, rediscovering each other, falling back together with whispers and soft caresses. My body welcomed him as fiercely as my soul, and I wept with completion as we came together. Later, we lay together in a tangle of naked limbs, talking late into the night, afraid to break apart for fear it was all a dream and we’d wake up alone again.
“I love you, Livia.”
I held him tight. “I love you too.”
His voice broke. “You will come back? I won’t lose you again?”
I kissed him softly on the lips. “I will come back.”
He nodded, his body relaxing against mine.
Finally, we slept.
chapter thirty-five
Dev
The scream stopped her cold.
Heart racing, she flew down the hall and flung open the door to Pris’s room. “Oh my God, are you hurt? Do you need medical attention? Did you see a spider?”