It took me a while for the shock to wear off enough for me to think. I was pregnant with Adam’s child. A baby I’d ached for when I imagined our marriage was strong. Now this baby was the ultimate sacrifice. I saw my future so clearly now, where before there was an exciting purpose to explore a love of a lifetime—a life with Rafe.
But this was another type of love. Already, I felt the connection between us, my hand resting on my flat belly. A brother or sister for Pris. The gift of a life given to me to care for. It was all mine if I did one simple thing.
Walk away from Rafe a second time.
I went to the gynecologist the next day, who confirmed the news and sent me happily off with some prenatal vitamins. I was seeing Adam for dinner, and I had no idea what I’d do. Did he even want another baby? Maybe he’d used the time apart to realize he didn’t want to be married any longer. We could raise both children together but separate. I could still go to Italy for the summer with Pris, then return home to have the baby. There must be options I wasn’t thinking of because my brain was foggy.
But first, I needed to talk to Adam.
We went to our favorite restaurant, a tiny Italian place with good food, dim lighting, and privacy. Seeing him after the time apart was strange. My gaze took in his slightly rumpled clothes and tired eyes. He looked different, almost as if he’d aged these past three weeks. A certain arrogance that had always been part of who he was had been ripped from his demeanor. “You look wonderful,” he murmured, mouth curved in a soft smile. “I missed you, Liv. How was Italy?”
I fiddled with my napkin, overwhelmed by emotion. A part of me still loved him. There was a familiar solidness to us as a couple, even with everything that had happened. Rafe brought out a different type of love, one coaxed from my very soul, as if I’d found my other half. With Adam, it was more of building a life together that fit. There was a connection from the familiar, and from loving and raising Pris.
I hesitated. “It was good. I took the time to think about some things. How are you? How’s work?”
He gave a half shrug. “Busy, as usual. Pete offered me the senior-level promotion I’ve been looking for.”
“Congratulations.”
“But I’m not taking it.”
I blinked. “Why? That’s what you’ve been working so hard for, isn’t it?”
“It used to be. Not anymore.” Silence fell. He took a sip of his bourbon and cleared his throat. “I have some things I need to say, Liv. I’m ashamed of the man I’ve become. Of what I’ve done to you. To us.”
My eyes widened. Adam wasn’t the emotional type. He shied away from tears, professions of everlasting love, and deep inner sharing. He always said showing up and keeping your word was a better proof of love than flowery sentiments. But the man before me seemed softer, more vulnerable.
I swallowed, my hand rubbing my belly in circles under the tablecloth. “You broke us, Adam. I don’t know what we could ever get back. What made you do it? Was it the woman you fell for? Did you just want more sex? Was I not enough for you?”
He rubbed his head. “You’ve always been enough for me. I began losing myself, Liv. I wish I could explain. It was like work was consuming me, and then I felt there were these leftover pieces to give to you and Pris, and nothing for myself. I was a selfish prick. I had to work with this woman on a deadline, and one thing led to another. And even though I felt guilty and sick about losing you, I still did it. I swear to God, she meant nothing to me. I kept thinking it would blast me out of my cage and I could get back to you.” Misery etched his face. “Stupid. I ended up ruining the only things I treasure. You and Pris.”
I thought of Rafe and how I’d never told my husband about Aunt Silvia’s house in Italy. How I’d kept a piece of my life a secret, because it was all for me. And I had now officially cheated on my husband. It didn’t matter that he’d done it first. Perhaps I was just as guilty as Adam.
“Maybe it was a sign,” I murmured. “Maybe you were looking for a way out instead. We had a hard time, Adam. I don’t think you liked the person I became after Pris was born. And I don’t know who I’d be if we did decide to get back together. It’s time to be honest with each other. Is this something we want anymore?”
His blue eyes lit with a fierce determination, and he leaned forward, his voice raw. “Yes. Yes, you and Pris are what I want. Please listen to me, Liv. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but I’ve changed. I started seeing a therapist to figure things out. I finally realized nothing matters more to me than my family, and I spoke with Pete this week. I not only turned down the promotion, but I told him I wanted to pull back on a few projects so I have more time at home. I used work as an excuse to shut myself away. I realize if we have any chance to make this work, I can’t be that man anymore. I want more for all of us.”
A strange grief washed over me. My husband was finally opening up and sharing some honest truths. But a part of me only wanted to keep him vilified, an easier way for me to justify leaving him to be with Rafe. I wanted black-and-white decisions, but like the baby I now carried in my belly, things were so much more complicated.
“I know you needed time away to process things. Is there still a chance we can work our way back to each other? I’ll fight for us, and for Pris. I know it will take time and there’s no quick fix. But I’ll show up, every day, and regain your trust. If you let me.”
A sob choked my throat. Dear God, what was I going to do? I’d never imagined Adam like this—open and real, willing to fight for me. He’d turned down a promotion. Yes, he’d been unfaithful, but if there was a chance I could keep our family together, didn’t I owe it to my children to try? Remnants of emotion between us still burned. Could they be reignited?
There was one more thing he had to know.
“Adam, I found out yesterday I’m pregnant.”
Shock flickered over his face and was replaced by pure joy. He sprang from his chair and came over to me, dropping to his knees. “Liv, are you sure? My God, are you feeling okay? What did the doctor say?”
His hand rested on my thigh. I gazed down, studying the cowlick at the top of his head, the tears in his amber eyes, and the face of a man who seemed honestly moved by the news of the baby.
And in that moment, his reaction changed everything.
I was pregnant. I had a responsibility to see if I could make this work. How could I go back to Rafe with a newborn in tow and try to make a life there for us? How could I turn my back on Adam, who wanted a chance to make it right for all of us?
“We’re both fine. I’m only six weeks, still early.”
He lowered his head and kissed my fingers. “Baby, please give me a chance to make this right. This time, I won’t screw up. I’ll be a good father. I know my priorities now and I love you and this baby you’re carrying. Don’t do this alone.”