“Guess she’s done eating,” Dryerson responded, and I realized that Remy had left me alone with him. Flat out alone. Great. This would be fun. Time to put on the mask I used when he was near. Each time I put it on, it got heavier and heavier to hold up. I feared one day I wouldn’t be able to hold it up when it came to him.
“It’s her party. She can run if she wants to,” I answered, not looking up, needing a brief moment to pull my shit together. We hadn’t been alone together for a month or two, but it felt like yesterday. His touch was seared into my memory and made chills run down my spine just thinking about it. Avoiding him these past six months had been seriously challenging with him so close to Ensley and Remy.
His whispers on my neck and his hair tickling me as he kissed me. All of it I’d never forget.
“She can do anything with Micah around. He lets her get away with murder on a daily basis. Told him he’d have his hands full if he didn’t watch that.”
This grabbed my attention, and I looked at him. “Daddy Dryerson? Do you have kids you’ve never told me about?”
He laughed. It was deep and sexy as all heck and a pain in my butt. “No. Just have seen it with Mazie.” His head nodded over to the young woman in question. She was smiling and talking with her father.
“I wouldn’t think she’d get away with much considering Rhys is her father.” Rhys was scary. There were no other words for it. He freaked me out, and I gave him a wide berth.
“You’d be surprised.” He chuckled, taking a large bite of his burger and chewing it. His heat was like a magnet, a tethered string that kept wanting to pull me in. I wanted to be closer and feel that warmth, but I hung back and forced myself not to lean into him.
No one had ever told me how much strength it took to hold someone at arm’s length. It was exhausting.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I dug into my food. At least if my mouth was busy, I didn’t have to talk. Right?
“Tell me how you’re doin’. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Small talk. I could do this. It wouldn’t be too hard. Hopefully. “Workin’ nine ta five.”
“What a way to make a livin’,” he started singing, and I caught myself from laughing. Instead, I raised my brows at him, a smirk tipping my lip. The man was funny, that I had to give him. One of the qualities that drew me to him in the first place.
“Seriously, Katie. I wanna know you’re okay. You haven’t answered my calls or texts.” His expression turned too serious.
I didn’t want the heavy. I couldn’t. Not with him. So I went the other way. Sarcasm. “Awe, is your wiener having issues again? You should really get that looked at.”
He gave me a small smirk, but his eyes were dead demanding, not allowing me to talk my way out of this one. “I really want to know that you’re okay. Can we leave the smartass to the side?”
I felt myself slipping from the mask a bit. It took a moment to slide it back into place. It was becoming more natural. Which I didn’t know was a good thing or a bad thing.
“I’m all smart. You know that.”
His face blanked, expression turning deadly serious. “You’re not going to answer me, are you?”
“Told you I’m fine. Leave it.”
He shook his head, face turning to disappointment. “You did, but you’re lying.”
I gave him a small smile. “Nope.” I lied. The war paint was threatening to crack.
“What happened to you…” He started, and I abruptly stood.
“Stop. You want to be a martyr, find somewhere else to stick your flag. We will never be discussing that, and if you bring it up again, I’ll just stop speaking to you all together.”
I grabbed my and Remy’s plates and tossed them in the garbage on the way inside. I didn’t talk to anyone. Instead, I made my way to the bathroom, giving small smiles as I went, hoping not to give away the pain killing me inside.
After closing the door and locking it, I collapsed to the floor, my back against the doorjamb and head in my hands.
Every emotion welled inside of me threatened to burst out. That damn tornado was back, tugging and pulling at me to spin away with it. I could feel it through every cell in my body.
Keep your shit together, Katie. I whispered to myself, taking in some deep breaths.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
I’d thought leaving my parents’ home would allow me to have a better life and it did for a couple of years. Now though … I felt as though I did when living in that place. Only this time I had the added benefit of scars and marks on my body to remind me of the horrors that lived out in real world.
My chest hurt so badly that it started to strangle the breath from me. Gulping in deep breaths didn’t help. Not that I would know, but it felt as though I was having a heart attack. Like barbed wire was making my heart bleed and squeeze in my chest.
Moving to hands and knees, I tried to get up, but the pain doubled. What in the world was happening to me?
Hands clutching my chest, I laid down and curled to my side, wishing the pain away. Lord only knew how long I laid there, but the tightness finally subsided, and a calm came over me. Only then was I able to get up off the floor.
It felt as though I ran a thousand-mile marathon.
After sucking in some much-needed breaths, I got up and clutched the basin, not wanting to look in the mirror, but unable to stop myself.
My makeup was still in place thanks to all the Bailey Sarian YouTube videos I'd watched. She taught me how to make the mask not go anywhere. Not a speck out of place and after what had just happened; I had to admit it was impressive.
It was my eyes that were the problem. They were void. A shell of what I knew they were once upon a time. After leaving home there was a spark in them, but now they were dead, not even a shimmer.
I absolutely hated the new me I’d become, but there was no way to fix it. I didn’t think there ever would be, and that was the scariest part of the whole thing. Being this shell wasn’t what I wanted for my life.
It wasn’t why I’d risked everything to leave home and build a new life in hiding. Now, it all seemed worthless. Every struggle to get here didn’t matter because I ended up in the same cage I’d run away from.
Pulling myself together as much as I could, I used the facilities and tried to put some light in my eyes, by smiling several times. I’d heard somewhere it worked. For me it didn’t, but it would have to do.
Opening the door to the bathroom, Remy came running right to me. “We’re doin’ take!” she yelled, grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the opened area where her cake was set on the table.
Everyone was gathered around it, waiting for the guest of honor. Remy charged right through them, pulling me along. I tried pulling back so I could stand in the background, but Remy wasn’t having any of it. She was on a mission.
“Move peeze,” she said as we bumped through the mass of people, pushing them out of the way. They parted ways, allowing us to move through.
“Sorry,” I murmured as we made it to the table. Remy sat at the head of the table.
Remy said, “Here,” pointing next to her. It was a full out order, not a request. I loved that little girl. I never wanted her to lose that part of herself as she grew up. I wanted her to know what she wanted in life and to go for it. She deserved the world.