They took a step back. “She doesn’t look feverish,” Pete said.
“We’re here if you need us,” Lynn said, and they both fled my area.
I took advantage of their departure and dove into my work. I loved data in general, so even when the findings weren’t significant, they were enough to keep my interest. The problem was that each time I surfaced to take a break my mood plummeted.
The office emptied for the day, but I stayed, trying and failing to think of anything but Kal. If I removed Robert and my residual certainty that all men are cheaters, what was I angry with Kal about? From our prior conversations I knew that Kal had felt torn between his loyalty to his mother and his inability to stop his sister from going against their mother’s wishes. I knew how worried he’d been about meeting Dominic and now I knew that their meeting hadn’t gone well. He’d rented a place in Cape Cod and hidden? To think? Alone?
Outside of the messages I’d read that were evidence of how readily available female company was to Kal, did I have any reason to doubt his version? Had he actually done anything to warrant me calling him a rebound fuck and tossing him out?
When I boiled down the reason for my anger, a lot of it was due to how worried I’d been for him. I’d also been hurt because I’d taken his silence as a lack of care for my feelings.
But what if . . . what if his pulling away hadn’t all been about me? What if he’d just needed time to clear his head before returning to me?
My face warmed when I remembered how heated that return had been. I’d never understood people who claimed to accidentally have had sex with someone. Prior to Kal, passion had always been something controllable—like sailing on quiet waters. Kal was the storm that came out of nowhere with high waves that crashed over the deck. Scary. Overwhelming. Exciting.
I didn’t want to go back to how things had been before him. I didn’t want things between us to be over. I took out my phone and texted Kal: I’m sorry about the rebound comment.
He texted back almost immediately. I understood that you were angry.
I shouldn’t have gone through your computer.
I have nothing to hide, so search away. Considering how we met I get why you’d have doubts.
I know you’re not like Robert.
Good.
I held my breath and typed: Would you want to meet for dinner tonight?
My heart sank when he didn’t immediately answer. I let my breath out in a gush and gave my cheeks a smack. When it came to Kal any coolness I may have had fell away.
I’m flying to Boston. In fact, I’m just about to board a plane.
Oh. I scrambled to know what to write to that. Visiting your family?
Yes. My sister is getting engaged tomorrow on Martha’s Vineyard. I’m here for the weekend.
That’s great. It was—even if it meant I couldn’t see him, I knew how much his family meant to him. You wouldn’t want to miss that. Would he return to Florida afterward? I’d already asked him to dinner, I wasn’t ready to sound needy as well. I waited for him to say, “I wish you were here . . .” but he didn’t. I did have something I needed to say. Thank you for the gift, Kal. That’s an amazing opportunity. Do you plan to join the dive as well?
I would, but I’m working on something right now that’s time sensitive.
Oh. Well, it was really considerate.
I was hoping you’d like it.
I did. I do.
Hey, I’m boarding my next flight. Text later?
Sure.
I replaced my phone in my bag and dove back into work. I told myself I needed to finish entering the data before I left. The truth was, I didn’t want to go home. Too many questions waited for me back at my apartment—along with too many memories.
I couldn’t lie in my bed without thinking of how good it had felt to have Kal there with me. The shower only reminded me of laughing our way through our first time washing each other down. Would I ever look at my living room without my face warming from memories of him carrying me through it and how exciting not being able to make it to the bedroom felt?
Yeah, I didn’t want to go home yet.
I took out the paper he’d sent. His handwriting was big and bold, just like his stage persona, but what he’d written was sweet and thoughtful . . . the Kal I’d welcomed to my bed. My opinion of him the last few days had been pretty low. He’d avoided me as well as his family, it was easy to judge him, but was I any better?
My grandparents may not have always said what I wanted to hear, but I’d never lacked for food or clothing. They’d been at the sidelines of every sport I’d ever played. No, they hadn’t coddled me when I lost, but they’d always bandaged me up and sent me back in the game. More than anything, they’d raised me to get back up every time I fell.
I’d craved physical affection and praise, which explained the lure of Robert. Right out of the gate, he’d said he loved me. I’d found comfort in how often he held my hand or put an arm around me. Although I considered myself a strong woman, I’d traded my independence and dreams to have him. Love shouldn’t come with that price tag.
In the quiet of the empty office, I reflected on the relationships in my life and the role I played in each. There had been so many signs that Robert wasn’t faithful to me, but I hadn’t wanted to see them. There were an equal number of signs that my grandparents loved me. Why had it taken hearing about Kal and his family for me to see that?
It had been over a month since I’d called home. I’d told myself separation was good for all of us. They could take a rest from worrying that I’d fail, and I’d have a break from trying to convince them that I wouldn’t. I thought about how not hearing from Kal had made me feel and realized I’d been wrong.
Since they detested texting, I called them. “Hi.”
My grandmother answered. “Jade?”
I laughed with little humor. She asked that every time like my ID didn’t come up on her phone. “That’s me. How are you, Grams?”
Instead of answering me, my grandmother called out to my grandfather. “It’s Jade. She wants to know how we’re doing.”
In the background I heard my grandfather ask a slew of questions: Was I still in Florida? Did I find a primary doctor yet? How was my car holding up around all the salt air? Did I take his advice about getting it treated for that yet?
I smiled because nothing had changed. “Everything is fine here. I was just missing you.”
“She’s missing us,” my grandmother repeated for the benefit of my grandfather. He said something I didn’t hear, then she added, “No, I haven’t asked her anything yet. You’re standing right here. You would have heard me. Well, then go get your hearing aid.” To me, she said, “Your grandfather is in deafness denial. Or he just doesn’t want to hear anymore. I’m not sure which.”
“I’m sure it’s denial,” I said to be kind although it could be a case of both. “I would have called earlier, but things were busy here . . .” It was just an excuse and it didn’t land well. At least when Kal messed up he owned it. I needed to do the same. “I’m sorry, Grams, I needed time to sort myself out.”
Her tone softened. “Of course you did. We understood. I wanted to give that Robert of yours a nut twist for how he treated you.” My grandfather said something in the background and my grandmother said, “Yes, that’s what I said, I wanted to give him an iced tea. Does that even make any sense?” In a lower voice she added, “I’m beginning to think his deafness is a gift. I can finally say whatever I want to.”