“Did you get a yacht?”
“Money isn’t one of my issues.”
Yeah, I could see that.
After a moment, he asked, “What are you messing up by taking time out to think?”
I tapped my phone and showed him Jade’s last message before returning my phone to my pocket. “I should have answered her on Monday when she sent the message.” I ran my hands through my hair. “She’s been wonderful to me. I’ve read the message about a hundred times. I’ve even started to respond a few times, but . . .” Did I really want to say it aloud? On the other hand, keeping it all in my head wasn’t taking me anywhere good. “Things used to make sense. I knew who I was—even if who I was wasn’t someone I liked. I don’t know anymore. Everything is changing so fast. My sister is getting engaged to a man I’ve never met. My mother is dating now. We used to be so close I knew what they had for breakfast most of the time. How did we lose that?”
“You tell me.”
I wanted to lay the blame at someone else’s feet, but when I looked back, the fault was mine. “I got frustrated and angry—mostly with myself—so I pulled away.”
“Did that make anything better?”
“No, Captain Obvious, that appears to have been a bad decision.”
Rather than snapping back at me, I could have sworn Sebastian hid a smile behind a fist before he responded. “My father is much better with advice than I am, but have you considered that you might be stuck in a pattern?”
“Pattern?”
“You deal with problems by pulling away . . . hiding isn’t the right word for what I’m trying to say but isn’t that essentially what you’ve been doing with your family . . . and isn’t it what you’re doing with your female friend as well?”
“I’m not hiding,” I said forcefully, then looked at my recent behavior and corrected, “I’m totally fucking hiding.” Not out of fear, but because I didn’t want to face how both situations made me feel about myself. Shit.
“It does seem that way.”
I sighed. “Why? I face most things head-on.”
“No one is like that all the time. Your mother hid you and Riley from Antonio.”
“She had no choice.”
“Exactly. Pulling back from a situation she couldn’t control was how she survived and how she kept you safe. She taught you to do the same.”
“That’s not healthy.”
“Then stop it.”
Why I hadn’t called Jade back finally made sense to me. “I’m starting over from scratch. Jade’s in a good place . . . finally happy after having a rough time. I don’t want to pull her down.”
“Then don’t.”
I nodded. “That’s why I’m staying away from her.”
“Solid plan—as long as you don’t care about her.”
“I do. I care about her—a lot.”
“Then answer her. Break the pattern before it breaks you.”
Break the pattern before it breaks you.
He made that sound so easy, but how do you stop something you weren’t even aware was a part of you? You face it head-on. I need to do better. “I want to be with her.”
“Then get off the beach and go to her.” He rose to his feet and dusted the sand off his trousers. “Come on. This is a place we all visit sometimes, but you can’t stay here.”
He might have been referring to Cape Cod, but I guessed that he meant the place my thoughts had taken me. I stood as well, brushed the sand off my jeans, then fell into step beside him. “Hey, Sebastian.”
“Yes?” He paused to look at me.
No more hiding. No more holding back. “This whole having brothers thing takes some getting used to, but thanks.”
He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Anytime.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jade
Hair tied in a sloppy knot on top of my head, I closed my eyes and sank neck deep into the bubbles I’d added to my bath. I was tired, but in a good way. Not only had I cleaned my apartment and my car, but I’ve boxed all traces that Kal had ever been in my life into a cardboard box and put it just inside my door. Tomorrow, if I still hadn’t heard from him, I’d put it outside the door.
I was angry with myself for taking the day off work over someone who very likely wasn’t putting a single thought into me. The lack of consideration some people had for others still shocked me, but I told myself it shouldn’t. Life had been teaching me that lesson from day one when my mother had chosen a lifestyle over me. My problem was I refused to believe that it could happen again.
At the very least, I needed to take a break from men until I finished paying my grandparents back. I also should warn Sasha that building Daniella up in Nikki’s head was setting her up for more pain.
Breaks were better when they were clean. Not a heated storm-off. A betrayal that couldn’t be forgiven hurt but was final. Despite the difference in length of time I’d known them, I preferred how things had ended with Robert over Kal.
Even when I added in the embarrassment of having to contact everyone who my side had invited to tell them the wedding was off. I’d choose going through that a hundred times over waiting and worrying that Kal might be dead only to face that he didn’t care enough to call me.
At least Robert had groveled and tried to fix things with me. He might not be able to be monogamous, but I did believe him when he said he was sorry. He would have still married me. He swore he could do better. On some level, by his own definition of it anyway, he did love me.
That wasn’t a love I could live with.
Kal hadn’t said he loved me, but he’d said he cared. He’d sat with me, planned out how a future together would look, and let me believe.
A sound caught my attention—was someone knocking on my door? The water sloshed as I hastily got out of the tub. I threw a towel around me, found my phone, and checked my security app for video.
Kal.
I sat heavily on the corner of my bed. No.
He had a wrapped gift in his hand.
I tapped a button on my app so he could hear me. “No.”
He was looking into my doorbell camera. “I’m sorry, Jade.”
“Sorry would have been enough Tuesday morning or even this morning. You let me worry for days that something might have happened to you—you could have been dead for all I knew.” My voice thickened with emotion at the end. “If you wanted to prove to me that I mean nothing to you, you chose an effective method.”
“I was thinking only of myself, Jade. I’m sorry. I swear it won’t happen again.”
I shuddered. “Robert said those same words to me. Exactly the same words. I didn’t believe him either.”
He had nothing to say to that. Good. While I was feeling strong, I said, “I have something for you.”
Uncaring that I was only wearing a towel, I swung the door open and pushed the cardboard box toward him with my bare foot. “Here’s your stuff.”
I shouldn’t have looked him in the eye because when I did desire slammed through me. We might not be a good match for each other, but my body certainly hadn’t gotten that message. It was so acutely aware of him, so hungry for his touch, I ached.