Normally I would have told him he was being too hard on himself, but I couldn’t comfort him while I was still upset.
“We argued and I flew back to the mainland. I thought about calling my family. I thought about calling you . . .”
“But?”
“Have you ever gotten yourself so tangled up on the inside that you just want to be alone?”
I had. Still, I had to ask, had to hope I’d recognize a lie if he told me one, “And that’s what you were . . . alone?”
He held my gaze. “Yes. I rented a place in Cape Cod and . . . hid.” He said the last word with disgust. “I’m not proud of that.”
One confession deserved another. “I looked through your computer and your messages. I’m not proud of that either.”
He tipped his head to the side. “My messages?”
“On all of your social media accounts.” My hands fisted. “You get so many offers to hook up . . . the temptation must be overwhelming.”
He leaned forward in his chair. “I don’t even read them. They don’t matter.”
I waved a hand in the air. “They never do.”
He frowned. “I’m not Robert.”
“No, you’re my rebound fuck after him.”
He sucked in an audible breath, and I couldn’t look him in the eye. That had been a low blow and I regretted saying it as soon as it came out of my mouth, but I wasn’t ready to apologize for it.
Neither of us spoke for an awkward amount of time. Eventually, he said, “I should go.” He stood and waited.
I fought back a strong desire to stand and throw myself in his arms. “Kal?”
His eyes met mine and I couldn’t tell which of us was more miserable. “Yes?”
“Don’t forget your box.”
He rocked back on his heels then picked it up. He lingered there for a moment as if he might say something more, then silently walked to the door. At the door he bent to also pick up the gift he’d brought me. He placed it on a small table near the door then let himself out.
I didn’t move, didn’t let myself beg him to stay. I just sat there, blinking back tears until I forced myself to stand, walk over to the door, and lock it.
We really were over—and it was for the best.
No matter how wrong it felt.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Kal
I sat in my rental car outside of Jade’s apartment sorting through layers of regret. I couldn’t go back in time, but there had to be a way to show her to give me another chance.
I took a deep breath.
Even if she forgave me, I was barely better than the man who’d disappointed her—and I meant the me from a few days earlier, not Robert. I was still broke, unemployed, and at odds with my family. I kept thinking she deserved better, but I didn’t yet have better to offer her.
You’re my rebound fuck. She hadn’t said it because she meant it. No, I’d hurt her, and she’d said that to hurt me. That was a cycle I understood too well.
All that had stopped me from snapping something back was what Sebastian had said, “Break the pattern before it breaks you.”
I drove to my hotel, carried the cardboard box of my things into my room, and placed the box on the bed. Everything I’d left at her place was in it, right down to my toothbrush. I took my laptop out to see if the screen was cracked from when I’d dropped the box. It wasn’t and I smiled at the irony. The only thing that wasn’t broken was the one thing I would know how to fix.
I pulled out my wallet, removed the credit cards from it, and laid them out on the counter. “Which one of you has enough credit left on you to get me home?”
None volunteered so I did things the old-fashioned way: I booked a cheap flight and tried each of the cards until one worked. My sister was getting engaged. No matter how much I didn’t want to leave Florida yet, or how much time had gone by since we’d spoken, I couldn’t miss a life event like that.
I needed to begin to fix what was broken—not just with Jade.
Flight booked and paid for, I decided to tackle another issue. The spreadsheet Jade had made for me was detailed and a great place to start. Step one was to reach out to the marine biologists I’d already connected with. I smiled at the list she’d started for me based on the ones I’d written in the margins of book she’d sent me.
I glanced back at the box. The book was there as well. Not a good sign.
When I returned to my computer, I saw the folder I’d made for her and wondered if she’d read through that and what she’d thought as she had. I knew she’d read over my message boxes and, after Robert, I could understand why. I didn’t need to open them to know what she’d seen in there. In the very beginning of my career, I’d found those messages exciting, easy pickings. Time had proven how meaningless they were. A person really could have too much sex. A younger me wouldn’t have believed that possible, but there was a tipping point to gluttony—where overindulging led to self-loathing. Walking away from that lifestyle hadn’t been about changing who I was, but rather raising my standards both for myself and for those I spent time with.
The situation I found myself in was similar. Only instead of indulging in blowjobs from strangers, I’d allowed myself to put my needs above those of the people I cared about. Some people might feel empowered by always putting themselves first, but I loved my family.
And I love Jade.
It’ll take time, but I can be the man she needs.
Knowing that I was the only one who could make the changes I needed to, I took out my phone and texted a number I had before. Have Dominic call me.
A few minutes later, my phone rang. “What do you need?” Dominic asked in a harsh tone.
I put my pride to the side and said, “I’m sorry. I really am grateful for all you’ve done for Riley and my mother. Also, thank you for releasing me from my tour contract.”
“You’re welcome.” There was silence, then he said, “And I am the last person who should judge how someone treats their sister.”
I cleared my throat. “What do you say we wipe the slate clean and start over? I want to be there when Gavin proposes to Riley.”
“You belong there. I’ll send a plane—”
“No.” I softened my tone and added, “I already have a ticket back. All I need are the details.”
“Everyone is staying at my place on the island.”
“Your house?” I didn’t know if I was ready for that.
“I renovated a beachside hotel. It’s all private suites. You should stay there with us. Your sister will want you to.”
“Okay.” He was right. It would also give me more time with my mother and this man she was dating. “Thank you.”
After a moment, Dominic asked, “Is this as hard for you as it is for me?”
I chuckled. “I hate this stage.”
“Me too. A clean slate is a good idea. You were never a little prick, and I never lost my temper with you.”
“Hold on, who are you calling little? I don’t do anything halfway.”
He laughed at that. “Something else we have in common.” After a pause, he added, “Riley will be really glad you’re there.”