I could tell from the outset that she was excited about it. I suspected that she thought that was the night that she would get through to me, find out what the hell was eating me lately. Part of me wanted it to be the night for that too. I also knew that once I told Keira what was really going on, there’d be no coming back from it. Either she’d insist that she could play along with me pretending to date Tracy as a front, or she’d just break up with me on the spot, which was probably what I would do anyway, if I had any balls. I was still clinging to the hope that I could figure a way out of this mess that would allow me to keep Keira and my pro football career. The worse part was, I knew that made me a selfish son of a bitch, but I wouldn’t give up.
I should have though, because Keira came loaded for bear.
She had a tin of her mother’s freshly baked cookies, for one thing. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but to this day, I’ve never been able to resist them.
She was chattering on about something or other, and she must have seen that I really wasn’t paying any attention to what she was saying, and the next thing I knew, she was bending over with her pants down, bare-assed in front of me. I could see the red thread of a thong disappearing in her ass cheeks. Just like the first night she’d gone down on me, my sweet sexy girl was trying whatever she could to snap my out of the foul mood I’d been in, to try to connect with me somehow.
I should have just gently helped her get her pants back and on and sat her down and talked to her. Or at least participated fully and genuinely in the amazing sex she was trying to initiate. I should have done just about anything other than what I did in that moment.
I went on autopilot, and turned her around and started fucking her, just like I’d done with those cheerleaders in my freshman year. I was trying to disconnect with the fact that I was with her, with the girl that I cared about and was supposedly falling in love with (even though I hadn’t told her), and she knew it. Thank God she put a stop to it.
I never, ever would have raped her. She said stop and I did. But if she hadn’t, if she’d just let me do it out of some warped sense of love for me, I would have kept fucking her. And I would have hated myself for it, even more than I hated myself for treating her like that in the first place.
I made some halfhearted apology, then said some other stupid shit. This was not going to get any better, and I knew what I had to do, but I was going to do it on my terms.
There was no way I wanted Keira to see me at the pep rally with Tracy. I wasn’t too worried about convincing her not to attend, because I knew she hated them anyway. I told her I would come and find her after the rally was over. I fully intended to take her someplace neutral and quiet, and I’d not only tell her what was going on, but I’d admit that I was going to go along with it for the sake of my football career. Then I’d wait for the only outcome that made any sense. Either she’d break up with me so my coward ass wouldn’t have to, or she’d make some crazy promise that she’d just go along with the whole stupid plan until I was drafted and follow me to a new city like Gwen was apparently planning on doing for Tank. Except that Gwen wouldn’t be giving up a scholarship. So in that case, I would just have to break up with Keira. Either way, I’d be losing her and that was killing me inside.
I was pretty much a robot for the entire pep rally. The stands in the gym were full of students and other screaming fans, the cameras flashed, and I gave the standard answers to the programmed questions from the media that was present. Coach said a few words while McDaniels looked on from the side like the toad he was. Then the band played and finally the whole thing was over.
I knew I’d have Tracy clinging to me from now on, at least until the draft was over. Once we got outside and the crowd started to dissipate, I would disentangle myself from her long enough to spend what would probably be my last evening alone with Keira.
Except that when Tracy and I stepped out of the gym, Keira was right there waiting for me. Deer in the headlights doesn’t even begin to describe me in that moment. If our failed study session the night before was strike one, this was strike two, big time.
“Listen,” I whispered to Tracy. “I know we’re supposed to be dating as of now, but I need you to back off. I need some time with Keira tonight.” I tried to pull my arm away from her.
“It’s not my fault you didn’t have the balls to break up with her before now,” Tracy hissed, as she jerked my arm back into her hand. “You’re not the only one who’s benefitting from this arrangement, so don’t fuck it up for me!”
I tried to smile, but it was hard when I couldn’t break free of Tracy’s grasp.
“Keira,” I said, more stiffly than I intended as we approached her, “I thought you were going to wait for me in your room.”
“I wanted to surprise you,” she said flatly, as she looked at me. She wouldn’t look at Tracy at all. It was almost as if she hoped that ignoring her would make her disappear. I knew the feeling. “But it looks like I’m too late.”
Fuck. I had to get control of this situation, and fast. I did take Tracy’s hand off of my arm then, cameras and McDaniels be damned.
“Not too late at all. I mean, the pep rally’s over, but you’ve been to one, you’ve been to all of them. I’m definitely surprised, and I’m glad to see you.” She smiled then, in spite of Tracy huffing beside me.
“So, are we heading out with Tank and Gwen somewhere?”
“Um, actually, I thought we could just hang out together, maybe grab a bite somewhere.”
“But Buck—“ Tracy was about to fuck this up, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Thanks for the photo op, Tracy, way to show school spirit.” Tracy glared at me, but I could tell she knew that if she didn’t give me this round, there’d be hell to pay later.
“I’ll see you later, then,” she said, and had the nerve to kiss me on the cheek.
Before Keira had a chance to think about that too long, I took her hand.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
I led us the long way around the back of the gym before turning back up toward the path that led to my dorm. I really wanted to take Keira to a nice quiet place off-campus, but I knew going out in public was a chicken shit move.
She seemed relieved to be holding my hand and heading back to my dorm with me. On the other hand, we were quiet until we got back to the dorm. Instead of heading to my room, I led her to the elevator.
“I thought we could order in some pizza and talk for awhile,” I said.
“Sounds good.”
When we got to the Crow’s Nest, it was empty. I think people had kind of assumed that it was our space now for the most part. I took off my jacket and started to look for the number for Angelo’s Pizza in my phone.
“Should I get our usual? Half pepperoni, half—“
“What’s going on, Nate? Why was Tracy clinging to you like a dryer sheet on socks?”
Shit. I couldn’t just blurt out the whole thing. I wanted to start at the beginning, with that awful meeting with McDaniels. Even though I knew I should tell her the whole truth, I just couldn’t do it.
“Publicity stunt,” I said, which was partially true. It just went much deeper than I was letting on. “You know how the media is. They wanted a photo op with the head cheerleader and the quarterback. Tracy just let her go to her head is all.”