When I finally calmed down, I told her what had happened. She’d been the one to encourage me to believe that there was nothing going on between Nate and Tracy, but when I told her about Brian and the story that was thrown at me, she cursed a blue streak. I made her promise not to be angry with Nate. It was inevitable that we’d break up, I had just been ignoring the signs that the time had come. I also made her promise not to take it out on Tank. He and Nate might be best friends, but Tank wasn’t responsible for Nate’s actions.
Ironically, it was Tank who came to see me a few days later.
“Come in,” I said and wondered who would be knocking. I was on my bed in the same spot I practically lived in these days. When Tank walked in, I scrambled to straighten myself up. I was a hot mess, to say the least. I barely left the room, except to go to class. It had been at least a day since I’d showered, and my desk was full of empty food wrappers and a couple of dirty mugs. “Tank! Um, Gwen’s not here.”
“I know,” he said, and slowly walked into the room after closing the door behind him. “Did you know I’ve been dating Gwen for like, six months now, and know a teeny bit about her class schedule?” He joked.
“Right,” I said. “That means you’re here to see me. I guess you’re pretty pissed at me for basically ending things with Nate.”
“Not at all, honey,” he said, as he pulled my desk chair out and sat on it. “I don’t pretend to know all of what’s gone on between the two of you. I only came to tell you what he confessed to me last night.”
“What, that he’s fallen for Tracy Abbott—or at least his dick has—and that he hired another tutor as a way to break up with me?”
“No, not exactly. What I mean is, everything he’s done has been under pressure from Corky McDaniel.” I thought about what Tank was telling me.
“If you’re trying to tell me that Tracy pawing all over Nate at the pep rally was a publicity stunt? Because he sure wasn’t backing up off of that. And why else would he have hired Brian to tutor him, and then have Brian lie about it?”
“I’m telling you Keira, it’s all McDaniels. Nate doing well this season and getting signed by the NFL goes a lot deeper than him getting a football career. I don’t say it’s right at all, and Nate sure could have handled it better. But it’s a lost game all the way around, Keira. I’m not saying you two shouldn’t have broken up, or that you wouldn’t have anyway when he graduates. But could you really stand by and watch him with Tracy for the rest of the year?”
I sat there for a long time, and Tank sat there and waited with me patiently.
“Why couldn’t he just have told me himself?” I said through my tears.
“Because he’s scared, Keira. Too scared to stand up to McDaniels, because football is his life. And not scared enough to come and talk to you about it, and at least go on and break up with you like a man. Hell, Keira, we’re barely twenty-one, he and I. We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing. We’re barely hanging on, and in Nate’s case, there’s a lot more at stake for him.”
“What about Gwen? You don’t seem to have any trouble staying loyal to her.”
“I admit, I’m probably gonna put a ring on it,” laughed Tank. “Then again, I’m not trying to play pro ball when I graduate. I love the game, but unlike Nate, I plan to use my marketing degree for more than just to open a restaurant after retiring from football. I’ve got an internship in San Francisco this summer, which I hope will turn into a permanent job.”
“What about Gwen? What is she going to do?”
“If I get the job, she’ll transfer to UCSF to finish her undergrad. They have a pretty good nursing school too.”
“And if you don’t get the job?”
“Then we’ll wait and see where I end up before we make our next move.”
“You really love each other,” I said with fresh tears streaming down my face. “I just thought…” I couldn’t finish that thought, that I’d thought Nate and I felt the same way about each other. “I thought he’d loved me.”
“He did, honey,” said Tank as he leaned over and rubbed my shoulder. “And I’d be willing to bet he still does. But this whole nasty business with McDaniels, and frankly the school as a whole, just blindsided him. And I can guarantee you, as badly as he handled it, he wouldn’t ask you to quit school just to run off and be a pro football player’s wife. Not that you would have to give up everything, but your scholarship’s here, and everything. He’d never ask you to upend your life just to be with him. Think about it. Even if the school wasn’t asking him to front with Tracy, you’d still have to decide what to do when he graduates.”
I knew Tank was right about that much, but it didn’t take the sting out of the way things had gone down between me and Nate.
“What about Brian?” It was a small detail, but I knew that Nate knew that I’d never be too busy to help him with school.
“That was all McDaniels too, according to Nate. I hate to be so blunt, but McDaniels wanted you out of the picture, Keira. Completely. That story about you being too busy to help Nate? That’s what Corky told Nate to tell Brian. The whole image—Tracy, all of it—is to groom Nate for certain scouts that MSU is pandering to, teams that would raise the prestige of the school if their star players got drafted to.”
Even if every word of what Tank said was true, the fact remained that Nate hadn’t come to me, told me himself, talked it out.
“It still hurts,” I said. I felt bad for Tank in that moment, because he really didn’t know what else to say, and there wasn’t anything else that could be said. Luckily, we were both saved when Gwen came in.
“Oh good, my best friend and my man-slave.” Gwen had a way of improving even the darkest of moods. She gave me a sweet smile, and I knew she wan’t angry to find Tank talking to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d told him to come and tell me what he knew.
They made me take a shower, and then took me to my favorite Thai restaurant for dinner.
Starting with Homecoming, my life just became a kind of hell. There was a dull ache that never left my heart. I buried myself in schoolwork as best I could. It was hard for Gwen and Tank too. Tank was still Nate’s best friend, and he and Gwen still hung out with him, and now Tracy, but they made an effort to spend time with me too, for which I’ll always be grateful.
By the end of the term, we were all exhausted, including Nate, although I didn’t have first-hand knowledge of that, since I’d avoided him like the plague. I’d seen him from a distance walking to class, often with Tracy. I had to admit, neither one of them looked particularly happy. I was tempted to call him, to see if we could talk, but that would be too little, too late. He wasn’t going to fall out of line with what the school wanted him to do and risk not being drafted at all, and Tank was right—I wasn’t going to give up my scholarship and run off with him to whatever city, even if he did break up with Tracy after the draft.
Just when you think life doesn’t have any cruel tricks left up its sleeve, there’s always one more cruel joke. It was almost the end of the term, and as numb as I was, at least I was killing it in school. As per usual, the Spartans were heading for the championship. Gwen had told me on the sly that Nate was already being courted by talent scouts from the Titans and the Ravens. Well good for him. I was honestly happy for him.