As I was heading to dinner from my last class on a Thursday afternoon, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. It was my mom, probably calling to ask me what kind of Christmas cookies I thought we should bake when I came home for break. Except she was calling to tell me that my father had just been in an accident. He was dead.
Chapter 13
Nate
My world had imploded, and I felt like I was walking around in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It was all my fault, and I knew that. The problem was, I had trouble believing that I wouldn’t have gotten the exact same outcome had I just told Keira the whole thing as soon as I’d had that meeting with Corky McDaniels. But I put it off and took my angst out on her when she was just trying to reconnect with me. Strike one. Then I put it off again and got caught with Tracy after the pep rally. Strike two. I thought I’d been saved by my make-up sex, and planned on really coming clean a few days later, again when we were supposed to be studying together. But fucking McDaniels had showed up—or rather Brian Easterling had shown up with the story McDaniels had fed him about how he’d be helping me from then on since Keira was “too busy.”
I was fucking furious and dashed off a text to her. I knew she’d never buy it, but I also didn’t expect her to trounce across campus and confront me. Like an idiot I thought she’d wait to chew me out until I could find her and finally come clean. Strike three.
When she walked out of the Crow’s Nest that night, I was no longer of a mind to get any schoolwork done, so I told Brian to take a hike.
“I’ll shoot you some money on PayPal later,” I told him.
“No worries, man. It’s covered by the athletic department, just don’t advertise that, okay? Look, I’m sorry if I caused any trouble between you and Keira.”
“You didn’t cause anything, Brian. Thanks for coming over. I’ll text you to schedule another session in a few days.” He nodded, and I left him loading his stuff back into his backpack.
I really just wanted to climb into bed and pull the covers over my head. But Gwen and Tank had seen Keira leave the building, and Tank was waiting for me when I got back to the room. While he’d never take a girl’s side against me, Keira wasn’t just a girl. He had a “what the ever-loving fuck” look on his face when I walked in.
“I really fucked up,” I said as I flopped down.
“No shit, Sherlock. What the hell happened?”
I recounted the three strikes that had just ended things with Keira.
“I knew you were feeling the pressure this term, it being our senior year and all. But what. The. Fuck, Nate.”
I didn’t even try to pretend like I wasn’t at fault. Then I told him what had happened with McDaniels. At first, he just stared at me, and then he gave a low whistle.
“Fuck me,” he said in disbelief.
“Actually, I’m the one who’s fucked here,” I reminded him.
“Sorry. What are you going to do?” I just looked at him. “Right. Nothing you really can do,” he added glumly.
“Not if I want to be a first-round draft pick apparently.”
“This totally sucks, man.”
“I wish I didn’t want this football thing so much. I keep telling myself that I would have broken up with her eventually. It’s different for you and Gwen. Keira has a scholarship here, and two years left. I’d never ask her to give that up just to follow me God knows where to be a quarterback’s wife. And I wouldn’t let her if she tried.”
“You’re probably right, but that doesn’t make this any easier. Let me know what I can do to help.”
There wasn’t much Tank could do, except endure double dates with me and Tracy, and smile and play along like this was what I wanted. All I could do was keep my grades up and play my heart out.
As for Tracy, if she thought we were going to consummate this thing, she had another thing coming. I might have to be unfaithful to Keira and ditch her as far as the outside world was concerned, but I wasn’t going to do it behind closed doors, and I said as much to Tracy. She didn’t take it well, of course.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me Nate. I have needs, and so do you.”
“That’s what the adult sex shop downtown is for,” I said. Plain and simple.
Her hand shot out in an attempt to slap me, and I caught her wrist midair.
“Tracy, you’re about five seconds creating a whole shitload of grief that neither one of us needs. I agreed to date you publicly and make use of the tutor that McDaniels hired for me should the need arise, and of course do my best on the field. I’ll keep up appearances until the draft in April, and that’s it. Period.”
I knew things couldn’t get any worse for me, and I prayed that they wouldn’t get worse for Keira. I didn’t really see her around much, but Gwen and Tank spent time with her whenever they weren’t going on obligatory double dates with me and Tracy. I was glad that Tank remained friends with her.
Right after Thanksgiving, Tank came back to the room from being out with Gwen with a pained look on his face.
“Now what?” I asked. “Did they run out of Twinkies in the dining hall again?” He crossed the room and slumped down on his bed. Whenever I gave Tank shit and he didn’t return the favor, I knew something was seriously wrong. “What’s going on, Tank? Spill it.”
“Keira’s dad was killed in a car accident. I’m sorry, man.”
Well, I’d been wrong. Life just got worse for both me and Keira, certainly exponentially worse for her. I hadn’t done the right thing at any point this semester, and I knew I had to find a way to do it now. I was going to show up at the funeral. I was going to be there for Keira whether she wanted me to or not.
For the first time ever in my life, I think I genuinely grew a pair. I went to McDaniels’s office without an appointment and told him what I planned to do.
“Have you lost your mind, Buckingham?”
“I most definitely have not. Look, Corky, I need to be away overnight for the funeral, which means missing two days of classes and one practice. Shouldn’t be difficult to arrange, same as when my uncle died last year. Hell, say it’s my aunt this time. I don’t fucking care. And I can get Brian to help me make up the schoolwork. That’s why you hired him, isn’t it? Either way, I will be at Keira’s dad’s funeral.”
“You forget who you’re talking to, son.”
“No, you’re the one who’s forgetting. And this really isn’t a big deal. It’s one fucking practice. But if you want to make it a big deal, I’ll throw every fucking game for the rest of the season. I’ll tank out of school.” He just laughed then.
“You’re not going to throw your football career away just to go to some damn funeral, and you know it.”
“I might lose my scholarship. I might lose the chance to get drafted by the NFL. But football is in my blood, and I’ll find another way. Haven’t you ever seen Invincible? But see, I don’t think you want the bad press, even if I do sabotage myself. That would be an awful lot of ruin just to keep me from going to ‘some damn funeral’ as you put it.”
My heart was pounding, but I stared him down. I knew I was taking a huge gamble coming to his office like that. But after a long moment, he threw his pen down on the desk in defeat.