He's also taking a hiatus from his side gig. He and his bandmates work for a security company—as secret agents. I didn’t see that coming.
At least one of us knows what we’re doing with their life. My professional career is up in the air. I plan on going into pediatrics. The question is where will I be working? My life shouldn’t revolve around a man, but if we’re a family…we should agree on what’s best for the three of us. But are we a family? The doubts about our future appear. Where is this going? We love each other, but is it going to last?
He’s new to relationships. We’re both new to love. We’re like a couple of toddlers learning how to walk. What happens when we fall? Will we be able to stand up, shake it off, and keep going?
Keaghan’s happiness is important too.
What’s best for him?
I don’t question any of that because Fisher has his own issues. His parents screwed him up. He doubts a lot of the things he’s done in his life. There’s a nagging voice in the back of my head asking if he regrets me too. What if he decides to give Keagh’s mom a chance? What happens then?
Our insecurities can be scary sometimes, but I hope they’ll pass.
It’s the end of August when there’s a knock on the door, and my brother Elroy is on the other side. Out of my two brothers, he’s the one who checks on me the most. He’s a pulmonologist. The one who never lets our mother down. The times I disobey her, he’s the one who talks some sense into me.
“It took you long enough,” I say, changing Keaghan to the left side of my hip.
The poor boy isn’t feeling well. He’s had a cold for the last couple of days and he started coughing today. I was about to get him into the shower, hoping the steam would open his airways so he could breathe better. That’ll have to wait.
Elroy shakes his head in disapproval. “Are you babysitting to make some money?”
“Who is it?” Fisher comes running down the stairs. He looks at Elroy and frowns. “Can we help you, sir?”
“I’m…”
“He’s my brother, Elroy,” I introduce him. “El, meet Fisher.”
My brother glances over to Fisher and shakes his head again. “What’s with the kid, Nathalie?”
“He’s my…” I want to say son, but he’s not. Fisher and I don’t have titles. Honestly, we’ve never discussed what we are to each other. Keaghan has never been part of a conversation where I’ve asked what my role is in his life.
Am I expecting him to call me mom when he starts talking? I look at his angelic face and his sparkling blue eyes smile at me. Yes, I’d love it if his first word was mama. I adore him more than anything in this world. In my heart he’s mine but…
“He’s my son.” Fisher takes him from my arms. More like snatches him away. “I’m heading to the farmhouse with the guys. Call if you need me.”
I do need him, but I don’t say anything. He seems upset. I wonder if it’s the call he received earlier today.
We’re fine, I repeat.
My eyes follow them as he jogs with Keaghan in his arms. It’s as if he’s running away from something or someone. I realize that he didn’t take the diaper bag with him. I sigh with relief and relax. He’s not going to take long. The moment only lasts a few seconds when I recall that Nydia set up a nursery for Keagh.
They have everything for the baby in case we ever stay overnight. I’m about to take off and run after him when my brother speaks. “Are you going to invite me in?”
No. I don’t want to speak to you. He’s here to treat me like a child and convince me to go home. Elroy is great at telling me how much I’m fucking up my life. He made sure to tell me that when he had to fly to Mexico because his little sister destroyed a hotel room. I’ll never understand why Mom sends him to bail me out of sticky situations. Well, it’s probably her age. She might’ve been a great parent to my brothers, but I was the afterthought.
“Sure,” I say, opening the door wide.
“Mom’s losing her mind because you’re here.” He walks around the living room with his hands behind his back. “She hoped that you’d come home. We have to do some damage control, but if you want, you can still apply for one of the fellowships. I can put in a good word. One of my partners in the practice can write a recommendation.
“Noel is willing to let you back into the program. He’ll even let you change departments if that’s what you want. As long as you promise that you’ll take the position seriously and you won’t quit because you’re having an existential crisis. If none of them appeal to you, I can hire you as an intern.”
Wow, he came with more than one suggestion. That’s so unlike him. He usually just tells me what to do and expects me to apologize to our parents in the process. He’s the one who works the hardest to make our parents happy. The guy bends over backwards in every way possible to ensure that no one upsets them, including me.
If he had been as dutiful with his ex-wives as he is with our parents, he might still be married. He’s just as insensitive as our parents. I should give him some credit though, since he gives me a few morsels of attention, unlike Wilson.
He stops in front of me, crosses his arms, and stares at me like a father trying to reason with his unreasonable child. “You can decide once we’re home. Let’s go. Do you need help packing? Should I call the moving company?”
Usually, I do as he says because, like an idiot, I want my big brothers to love me. It never works. He’ll be pleased for a moment, then he’ll leave, and he’ll never pay attention to me until I upset our mother again.
“No.”
“No to which option? You don’t have to go back to work with Noel.”
“I’m staying.”
He exhales loudly, tossing his arms up in the air, and continues pacing. “Nathalie, you’re playing with your future.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. This town has less than five thousand people. Nothing good will come from living here with that thug.” He stops, giving me a look that says you-are-just-a-stupid-stubborn-kid. “Are you so desperate that you had to be with that man? I bet he dropped out of high school. Is he an addict? Are you on drugs? Are you drinking again?”
“Fisher Hannigan graduated from Julliard. He’s a smart man who…he’s a better man than you. Having a tattoo doesn’t make you less of a person. He’s not an addict. And you make me sound like an alcoholic, Elroy. It was one time in Cancun.”
“Twice. I bailed you out of jail twice because you can’t hold your alcohol.”
Okay, so he’s the one who saved me twice from my stupidity—only because his mother made him do it, not because he cared.
I put my hands on my hips. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here to take you home.”
“This is home.” At least for now. Once I know what I’m going to do with my life, Fisher and I will decide where we’re going to live. That’s the plan, isn’t it? I have so many questions.
The uncertainty isn’t going to send me back to New York. Being with Fish is important. I love him. However, I can make it on my own. My stomach clenches just thinking about losing him.