“You don’t,” he said back, arching into me again. “You can’t.”
I grabbed his hand and yanked it to my own dick, forcing him to feel how hard I was for him. “Tell me I don’t want this,” I growled against his cheek. “Tell me I’m holding your hard cock in my hand and thinking about anyone other than you.”
He whimpered again, as if fighting with himself, but then he must have come to a decision. Suddenly, he was the aggressor again, ripping the front of his jeans open and moving my hand inside before shoving his own down my pants.
As soon as I felt the smooth warmth of the skin of his cock, I felt my skin prickle. This was strange but good. So fucking good. Had I ever been this turned on by anyone? If so, it had been obliterated from my memory by this moment.
When I felt his grip around my own shaft, my legs wobbled, and I let out a cry of relief. “Don’t stop,” I begged again.
I humped into his hand erratically, trying my best to give him as much pleasure as he was giving me.
“Just like that,” he urged. “Oh fuck, fuck.”
“More,” I gasped. “What do I do? Tell me what to do.” I felt panic rising up in my chest. I wanted everything with him, and I wanted it right fucking now.
Jules yanked down my pants and underwear before stepping closer to me until I was shoved hard against the wall again. When he brought our bare dicks together in his grip, I stared down at them in shock. How could something so simple feel this good?
He was right. He was bigger than me. Not by ten times, of course, but the thick head of his cock towered above mine in a way that made my heart pound even more. It was ruddy and engorged, shiny and damp at the tip, and hot against my skin.
Watching us slide against each other made my head spin. “Gonna come,” I squeaked. “Jules, gonna come.”
He grabbed the side of my face with his free hand and held our faces together cheek-to-cheek. His breath puffed out against my ear. “Come all over me,” he grunted. “Want to feel your hot spunk all over my hand.”
Oh god.
His words were all it took. I squeezed my eyes closed as the waves of my climax crested, and I thrust even harder in his grip. I turned my face into his and opened my mouth to taste his skin as I came.
When his grunted curse hit my ears, I opened my eyes and looked down just in time to see him come. It covered his hand and my stomach, getting caught in the hair below my belly button and dripping down into my pubic hair. I reached down without thinking and spread it against my skin.
“Fuck,” Julian said, gasping for breath. “Fuck. Fuck.”
Instead of exclamations of pleasure, his words sounded like regret. I glanced up at his face and saw it all there.
Regret, horror, sorrow.
I knew before he moved an inch that he was going to run.
“Don’t,” I warned in the split second before he shoved away from me. He stumbled to the kitchen, yanking up his pants and scrambling to wash his hands in the sink before grabbing his coat and car keys. “Jules, don’t you dare leave,” I shouted, trying to pull up my own pants so I could grab him and make him stay.
He held up a hand and turned tear-filled eyes at me. “Please. Please let me go. I just need… I just need to think, okay?”
I shook my head and held my hands out. “Please stay here and think with me. Please.”
He bit his lip before choking out the word “Can’t.”
And then he was gone.
I stared after him, torn between forcing the issue and letting him have the time he needed to process what had just happened between us. When his SUV pulled out of the driveway, I realized it was too late anyway. He was gone, and I was left here without a vehicle.
I shuffled back to the bedroom and crawled between the sheets. At least here I could smell him and remember what it was like to hold him in my arms and connect with him on a whole new level, even if that one stolen moment was all I would ever get of him.
10
JULIAN
The ride across the mountain to Rockley Lodge was a blur. When I got to Tiller and Mikey’s place, I stormed through the front door and made my way directly to the kitchen.
This wasn’t the first time I’d cried in Mikey’s big, beautiful kitchen, and I was fairly sure it wouldn’t be the last.
“What the fuck?” Tiller said as soon as he saw me barreling toward him. Sam and Truman were already there at the kitchen island, and both stood up quickly as if ready to respond to an emergency.
And it was an emergency.
“I kissed him,” I howled through sucking breaths. I could barely see through my tears, and I felt like I couldn’t get enough oxygen. “I fucked up and I called his bluff and I kissed him and then… and then… oh my god.”
Tiller held me in a tight hug, shushing me and running strong hands up and down my back. “It’s okay. Slow down and catch your breath.” I felt him turn his head away. “Mikey, what’s happening?”
“It sounds like they fucked.”
I choked and sputtered, accidentally inhaling a string hanging from Tiller’s Riggers hoodie. “No, Jesus. Well, maybe. Kind of? Not really.”
“Clear as mud,” Sam said, sitting back down at the counter and reaching for a snack from a tray of appetizers. I remembered we were supposed to join them for dinner later because Mikey wanted to test recipes for a new cookbook of his.
I pushed off Tiller and swiped at my eyes. “I ruined everything. He’s going to hate me. He was supposed—” I hiccuped. “—supposed to get married a few days ago, and I kissed him and…”
Mikey leaned forward with nosey eyeballs. “And…?”
“We… we…” I made a vaguely obscene gesture at the front of my pants.
Sam nodded solemnly. “They made martinis in one of those fancy shakers.”
I blinked at him and shook my head. He held up a finger. “Wait. No. They… shook a cup of dice before throwing them in a rowdy game of Yahtzee.”
Truman leaned around Sam’s wide form. Regrettably, I had to admit his teasing grin was kind of endearing. “I think they tossed birdseed out for the pigeons.”
Mikey studied me. “I still think they fucked.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I hate all of you.”
Tiller reached out and put his arm around me, pulling me close to his side and dropping a kiss on my head. “We love you. And so does Parker. Even if you touched his… martini shaker, I’m pretty sure you two can work it out and get past it.”
“How?” I asked, moving away from Tiller’s embrace to help myself to a glass of white wine. “How do you just get past seducing your straight best friend?”
“I don’t know if he’s totally straight,” Tiller said. “You know he tried kissing me years ago.”
The wine soured in my gut. “That was a joke. A prank.”
“Not exactly. He had feelings for you, Jules, but he didn’t know if he could be what you needed, and he didn’t want to fuck things up between you two. So he tried it on with me first.”
Mikey turned his judgy squint on his husband. “And?”