“Whose idea was it to get married? Let me guess, hers.”
The wood wasn’t stacked quite right in the fireplace, so I crouched down to adjust it again. I felt BJ’s searching gaze on the back of my head. It was strange telling this story to an outsider. It made me sound stupid and naive.
I guessed I had been.
“Well, yeah, but I agreed. It sounded nice, finally settling down like that. Her parents are like second parents to me, and her dad is my boss. I pictured us getting a house in Vail and seeing Rod and Lorraine regularly for dinner. Going out to have drinks with my friends from work and their spouses and partners. It sounded really nice.”
Why did I sound so defensive?
I glanced over my shoulder to find BJ nodding his head in sympathy. “It does sound nice.”
I let out a breath. “Yeah.”
“So why didn’t you fight for it?” He met my eyes. “When she called off the wedding, what did you do?”
After opening my mouth to tell him how upset I’d been, how I’d tried calling her and texting her, I clamped my jaw closed. It had never occurred to me to go after her. There hadn’t been a single wish in my mind to find her and talk her out of leaving me.
“I felt relieved. Like I’d been walking along, not knowing how close I was to the edge of the cliff until Erin pulled us back. So I let her go. After reading her reasons for calling it off—mainly that she wasn’t ready to settle down, because she wanted excitement and adventure—I realized she was right. And at first, I felt a little bad that I couldn’t be what she wanted, like maybe I should have tried harder. But then I realized that it would never have worked. We wanted different things.”
“Hmmm. So how’d you end up here in Aster Valley if you were getting married in Vail?”
“Julian brought me. This is his place.” I stood up to put the fireplace poker back in the rack. As I turned to the chair, I noticed a small picture frame set back on the built-in bookshelf next to the fireplace. I stepped closer to see what was in it because it didn’t look like a photo.
It was a tiny piece of wrinkled paper with my own familiar handwriting on it.
You and me. Always.
Warmth flooded my chest. I reached out and pulled the frame from its almost-hidden spot deep on the shelf. When I found the chair with my ass, I sat down hard, which must have been why I didn’t hear the door open behind me.
“He loves me,” I murmured.
“More than anything,” Julian’s voice replied softly.
I turned to face him, eyes suddenly in danger of betraying me. “Don’t leave,” I begged in a cracking voice. I stood up and walked over to him, grabbing him and pulling him into my arms so I could hold him tight and never fucking let him go. “Please don’t leave me.”
Julian turned his face into my neck until I felt the softness of his lips against my skin. I breathed out and inhaled the outdoor scent of him. Along with alcohol.
I pulled back and glared at him. “Tell me right now you did not drive that car after drinking.”
Julian’s eyes were wide. “N-no. The guys… Declan had one of his deputies bring me back. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“If something were to happen to you, Jules…”
“I know. Never. I promise. I’m sorry. I just needed…”
I grabbed the back of his head with my hands and pulled back from him, still holding him close. “I know. I know. I do. I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry I didn’t understand things sooner. Things between us.”
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek, staying there for a long beat and brushing his nose across mine when he pulled back again. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We just need to figure some shit out, okay?”
A loud sniff from behind us made Julian jump and try shoving me behind him. He gasped when he realized we weren’t alone. “Who are you?”
BJ’s hands were pressing his sweater over his heart. “That depends. If you’re Jay Thick and you’ll agree to a threesome, I’m the luckiest man on Earth. If not, I’m the saddest panda ever.”
Julian squeezed his eyes shut. “Another Grindr date.”
“Yep. But a really nice one. Didn’t you see his car out front?” I asked, turning to peer out of the window.
BJ tossed the blanket aside and stood up. “I walked. My friend and I are in town for a work thing, and we’re renting a house a few doors down.”
I could tell Julian wasn’t happy to discover I hadn’t been alone. His body was suddenly strung tight, and he put on his bitchy fake polite voice. “I’ll be happy to walk you back.”
BJ grinned. “Sad panda, then. It figures. Well, if you change your mind…”
Julian reached for the door. “We won’t.”
BJ looked Jules up and down in a way I really didn’t appreciate, and then his dancing eyes flashed back to me. “If you need any more advice, honey, don’t be a stranger. I’m here all week. It’s the red house with the gas lanterns.”
Jules’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. “The panda house. Got it.”
BJ stepped up to kiss me on the cheek. Since my eyes stayed on Jules, I noticed his hands curl into fists. The sight of his reaction made me feel like I had one of his stupid bubble drinks in my veins.
“Don’t let him get away,” BJ whispered in my ear. “He loves you, too.”
I couldn’t hold back my goofy grin. “Thanks. Take care.”
Julian made another offer of an escort, but BJ said he needed the time alone to cool off. Once he was gone, Jules closed the front door and made a point of locking it.
“I’m going to kill Mikey,” he said, shrugging out of his coat.
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to hug him again or strip him naked and explore his body in detail for the first time. The indecision made me feel jittery and strange. I paced around while shaking out my hands.
“You’re freaking out,” Jules said. “You’re panicking just like I knew you would.”
I stopped and laughed. “Me? You’re the one who bolted. I’m trying to decide whether to strip you down and lick you from head to toe or hold you tight and tell you everything I’m feeling. Which one’s less likely to make you light out of here like your ass is on fire?”
But Julian’s brain seemed to have stuttered to a halt before he heard the question. “L-lick me?”
“Licking it is, then.” I stepped closer to him without touching him. His slightly hitched breath made my fingertips tingle. “This feels right. Kissing you, touching you, making you feel good… all of that feels right. More than right. It feels perfect. It’s just you and me here right now. Why can’t we try this?”
Julian looked terrified. Even though I wasn’t touching him, I could sense his entire body trembling.
“What are you so scared of, sweetheart?” I murmured, reaching out to cup the side of his neck. I leaned my forehead to his. “I will never hurt you. Ever. You know that, right?”
Julian slid his face alongside mine until his lips rested near my ear. I waited for him to give me an answer, but he stayed quiet. When I finally slid my arms around him to pull him even closer, he let out a low sound from deep in his chest, but he didn’t fight me.