And the longer I had to think about it…the more questions I had. It was my car that had blown up. So…was my father trying to kill me? Or had his target been Miller? Or had he been hoping to off both of us?
Jacob’s bottom lip started to tremble.
He’d been so brave on the day of the explosion. And he’d been brave several days ago when I tried to explain death to him. I wasn’t sure he really understood. But he’d stopped asking for his daddy. And started saying he missed him instead. So maybe he understood better than I realized. “You know that your daddy is always with us though. No matter what.”
“Noooo.”
God, if my heart wasn’t already broken, that drawn out ‘No’ would have done it. “Of course he is. He’s in the stars.” I looked up at the sky. The sight that made me feel closest to Miller. I smiled to myself, remembering I used to look for the stars in the sky in NYC too. Because they reminded me of the home I’d left behind.
“Which one is he?”
That was a good question. My eyes searched the sky, landing on the North Star. “See that big bright one?”
“The brightest one?”
“Yes. That’s Daddy.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “He’s big.”
“Well, he was the tallest man you knew, right?”
“Yessie.” Jacob smiled but there were tears in his eyes.
“Come here.” I opened up my arms so he could snuggle in next to me.
I held him as he cried himself to sleep. I couldn’t do anything to make it better. But I could get even.
“I’m going to make it right, okay?” I ran my fingers through his hair. I knew I was running out of time. My husband had been murdered and I’d fled. I’d stolen a car. I had a fake ID. I had a gun registered to that fake ID.
If a cop pulled me over I’d go to jail for a really long time.
I was sure my picture was being slowly spread to every police station in the country.
I heard a clock ticking down in my head.
I had a plan on how to get us out of the country. But there was something I had to take care of first. I’d never be able to look Jacob in the eye if I didn’t do this. I knew it was risky, but I had no choice. And it meant I needed a backup plan, just in case something happened to me. There was only one person I trusted with my son. Kennedy’s mom, Mrs. Alcaraz. She’d been like a second mother to me. She’d keep Jacob safe. Just in case I couldn’t.
And it just so happened that I needed to go to New York either way.
The city I swore I’d never go back to.
I stared up into the starry sky.
I’ll make it right, Miller.
Chapter 58
Saturday - Present Day
Jacob was fast asleep in my arms as I walked down the hall. He was heavy. But the gun in the waistband of my jeans felt heavier.
Tonight everything would change.
I’d never be able to go back.
I swallowed hard and stopped outside my uncle’s old apartment. Someone new probably lived there now. If I’d had any idea how short my time was going to be there, I would have tried to spend more time with my uncle. I would have tried to be better behaved. I would have done so many things differently.
I turned away. Thinking of all my regrets wasn’t why I was here. I kissed Jacob’s forehead and he stirred in his sleep. He made this adorable little moaning noise.
And I almost changed my plan. Looking down at his sweet face made me want to rethink everything.
But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do this. I couldn’t. As hard as it was to risk everything…I had to do this.
Please still live here, Mrs. Alcaraz. I walked down the hall and knocked on her door. I tried to breathe slowly, settling my nerves. Please be here.
I heard the muffled sound of someone saying “puta mierda” and smiled. I still had no idea what that meant. All I knew was that it was something bad. And I knew exactly who was on the other side of the door. I knew exactly how shocked she was to see me after all these years. And I’d kind of guessed she’d call me that.
The door opened and it was like I was transported back in time. Knocking on the door when I was back in high school. I couldn’t help but smile through all the pain of the last couple weeks.
Kennedy was standing there. Staring at me like she was looking at a ghost. Which made sense. She thought I’d died 16 years ago. And even though she looked shocked…I could tell she was happy. She looked like the Kennedy I knew when I first met her. Before everything broke. Before I messed everything up. There was a reason I’d stayed away this whole time. Because I knew that everyone was better off without me.
“Brooklyn?” her voice wavered.
I didn’t even hesitate. God, I’d been dying to talk to her for 16 years. Dying to let her know I was out there. And it was so fucking good to see my best friend. I threw my arms around her. Or…one arm. Because I was still holding Jacob. I didn’t care if she was happier without me in her life. I’d missed her. I’d missed her so freaking much.
For a second she just stood there frozen. And then she started to cry and she hugged me back.
“You’re alive.” It didn’t sound like she believed her own words. “What the hell?” She took a step back from me. Looked back at my son. Back at me. “Seriously, what the hell is going on? Where have you been all these years?”
“I’m really sorry. For everything. I’ve spent half a lifetime wishing I could fix what happened between us. And I wish I had more time to explain but…I have to go.” Before I chicken out.
“Wait, what?”
I wanted to ask her a million questions. Was she still with Felix? Was that why she looked happy? Had everything turned out the way she wanted? But I didn’t have time to catch up. And it would just make leaving harder. “Is your mom here?”
Kennedy nodded.
I could tell she was in shock. And as much as I wished I could sit and talk to her for hours, I didn’t have time. I walked over to the couch and lay Jacob down. Tears formed in my eyes as I leaned over and kissed his forehead. I love you. So much, sweet boy. I’m doing this for you. For us. I pushed his hair off his forehead. And I said a silent prayer that everything would go according to plan and I’d be back in an hour. This wasn’t goodbye. It couldn’t be. He needed me. I’d come back and we’d disappear for good this time. The two of us against the world.
I wiped the tears out of my eyes and knocked on Mrs. Alcaraz’ bedroom door.
“Mi amor, please stop questioning a good thing…” Mrs. Alcaraz’s words stopped as soon as she saw me. “Ay dios mío. Mi amor.” She grabbed both sides of my face. “You’re alive.”
God, she still smelled like empanadas and home. I was seconds away from falling apart. Seconds away from staying. But I’d be putting them all in danger. I needed to finish what I should have finished years ago.
I pulled the envelope out of my pocket. I’d written down everything. What had happened years ago. What I was about to do. All of it. I’d arranged for Mrs. Alcaraz to be Jacob’s guardian just in case something happened to me. All she had to do was call my lawyer and sign the papers. My will was rock solid. My father wouldn’t be stealing Jacob away like he’d stolen me. Not that I was worried about that happening after tonight.