GIULIA
For a second, I just blinked at her.
I just fucking blinked.
Dog.
So called because he was a hound around women.
My sperm donor.
I knew he was a bastard. Had watched him beat my mom, but Lizzie Fontaine always fought back. Punch for punch.
Domestic violence was one shitty thing.
Rape was another.
I stared at her, saw the guilt in her eyes and the shame, and it lit something up inside of me.
Why was it always the survivor who felt bad?
Who had to justify what had happened to them?
Who had to deal with the shame and the misery?
It didn’t just happen once.
It happened every fucking night in our dreams.
It was why Nyx couldn’t move too quickly behind me because if he did, my stupid goddamn mind remembered being back at Daytona and Luke fucking Lancaster coming up behind me and grabbing a hold of me.
It was why tomorrow, we’d sit in a group and we’d discuss the miseries that our attackers had caused us because it wasn’t just a one-time occurrence.
It was raped into us.
Into our veins and arteries
The seams of our muscles.
Our very fucking bones.
It was a veil that was torn from us; the reality that our choice didn’t matter.
That it could be stolen from us.
I couldn’t catch my breath. All I could think was that I shared DNA with that monster, and that was when he rasped, “Giulia.”
Low.
Deep.
Husky.
It shivered through me.
I was his.
He was mine.
Sometimes, I thought he was my sanity.
I turned my head to look at him, and our eyes tangled. I inhaled. Exhaled.
“Did you hear?”
Slowly, Nyx nodded. “I did.”
“I want his body out of the Sinners’ graveyard,” I intoned grimly.
Because he was my man, because he was who he was, he granted me a simple, “It’ll be done.”
That wasn’t enough.
“When?”
“You don’t have to do that. There are laws to exhumation,” Rachel attempted to interrupt.
Eyes flashing, I stared her down, demanding, “You want him sharing space with your family? I know I fucking don’t.”
She gnawed on her lip. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You damn well should have. You’re going to be Posse. That comes with hard truths.”
“Rachel’s going to be Posse?” Nyx snorted. “Jesus H. Christ.”
I squinted at him. “Do I tell you who to add to your council?”
His lips curved. “No.”
“Did you listen when I said you should make room for Cruz?”
“It’s not like I can make up goddamn positions for him,” he argued.
I hitched a shoulder. “Dude can make bodies disappear like he’s making coffee. That’s the kind of guy you want at church.” I sniffed. “If you’re too shortsighted to see that, then it’s not on me.”
He rolled his eyes. “Let me know if he becomes Posse too, and we’ll reconvene on the subject, but for now, we should get you to bed.”
“Do I look tired?”
“No. You look fucking beautiful, all riled up and snarky.” His grin was lopsided. “But you need to sleep.”
“Your spawn is a pain in my ass.”
“I know, baby.” He stepped into the small bathroom and cozied up to me. “But he’ll make it up to you.”
“When?”
“You want specifics?”
“‘Course I fucking do.”
His grin deepened. “Maybe he’ll cure cancer.”
“That doesn’t help me now, does it? When my back’s goddamn aching and I want to go and dig up my sperm donor’s body from his fucking grave—”
“Giulia! You can’t do that!”
My gaze found Rach’s again. “Cruz will get rid of him.”
She swallowed. “You should leave him where he is. It won’t serve any purpose.”
“Won’t serve any fucking purpose? The bastard’s a rapist. Grizzly’s a fucking rapist.” I turned to Nyx. “Neither of them should be in that graveyard.”
“I said I’ll handle it.”
“You’d better, Nyx, or I will,” I snapped.
I tried not to be pissed when I felt his cock stir against my hip.
One of the reasons we worked was because his fire didn’t scare me and my fire turned him on and didn’t burn him.
“I know you will. I promise—I’ll sort it out.”
I gritted my teeth. “Good.”
My throat felt choked with emotions, and I wasn’t used to that. These goddamn hormones were going to be the death of me.
I felt the tremors running down my limbs as the purest, bitterest rage coursed through me.
I was so fucking sick of us being the victims.
So goddamn sick of it.
Shakily, I reached up and rubbed my temple.
“Sit down, Giulia,” Rachel ordered, grabbing my hand, prompting me to realize that she’d moved.
I plunked my ass down on the toilet seat, but before she could let go of me, I held on tight to her fingers and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”
Her smile was soft, but the pain in her eyes was something I’d live with until the day I died. “It wasn’t your fault, Giulia. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Nyx cleared his throat. “Rachel, are you okay? Do you think you should go and get some rest?”
Nodding, she mumbled, “It’s been a crazy day.” She released a soft yawn that seemed to surprise her. “I think I will.”
Like a wraith, she drifted away after muttering a ‘good night’ to us both. I watched her go, then my gaze redirected to Nyx who squatted down in front of me.
Wearing nothing more than a pair of jeans, he’d always have snagged my complete attention, but at that moment, I didn’t notice the pecs or the thick length that ran down his inner thigh. I didn’t see the ink on his throat, or the biceps that could lug me around as if I weighed nothing.
I saw only his eyes.
I saw the pain I knew was mirrored in mine because this was love.
Feeling their pain as if it were your own.
“I feel sick,” I whispered. “H-He hurt her, and he got away with it.”
“He paid for his shitty treatment of women with his life, Giulia. Lodestar killed him—”
“It’s not enough,” I said simply.
“What would be?”
“I don’t know.” I gulped. “Is this how you feel? Like someone set a firework off and it’s exploding through your veins?”
That had him blinking. “I wouldn’t put it like that but yeah. Like your skin’s too tight and you can’t sit still, all while your mind’s racing.”
I grasped his hand. “When you killed Kevin, was it enough?”
He stilled, his entire body freezing in place. For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer, then he murmured, “No.”
My fingers tightened around his. “That’s why you went hunting, right? Because it’s never enough?”