My feet feel filled with lead as I approach the crowd.
“There he is!” my dad boasts. “We were starting to think you changed your mind,” he teases.
If he only knew how close he was. “Nah, just crashed hard after a few beers and running a little behind.”
“How did you get home last night?” Mom asks.
Shit. I forgot that I rode to the party with them and was supposed to call for a ride back. “Uh, Riles. She was leaving, and I was dead on my feet, so I asked her for a ride.” That sounded believable enough, right? Riley and I were friends and her giving me a ride isn’t something that would throw up red flags, well, not to anyone but her twin sister. Raven eyes me with suspicion, but I keep my face neutral and pretend I don’t notice.
A part of me thinks she would be thrilled if Riley and I were to get together. The other part of me fears I’ll lose my best friend. It’s the asshole in me that thinks that it would be worth it if Riley were mine. Surely, Raven would come around once she saw what her sister meant to me.
Shaking out of my thoughts, I turn back to the group. “You ready for this, man?” I ask Clayton.
He gives me a slow nod, his eyes darting to Raven and then back to me. He’s struggling, and I know the feeling all too well. He should be happy his Burke twin showed up to say goodbye. Mine is locked away in her house, refusing to face the reality of the night we shared together.
“Hudson.” Mom calls my name, and I turn to give her my full attention. She gives me a soft smile as I step toward her and wrap her in a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll be back before you know it,” I tell her.
“Now I know how my momma felt when I left for the Peace Corps,” she says with a sad smile. She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “Anyway,” she says, waving her hand in the air. “I got you something.”
“Mom, you know we’re supposed to pack light, and you’re already taking care of my house and picking up my slack with the farm and the feed mill while I’m gone.”
“Oh, that’s nothing. We’re Flemings. That’s what we do. This is just a small gift.” She grabs the small gift bag from next to her feet, which I obviously hadn’t noticed. “Here.” She hands it to me as Dad joins us, sliding his arm around Mom’s shoulders and kissing her temple.
Pulling out the tissue paper and tucking it under my arm, I reach into the bag and lift out a brown leather journal. “A journal?”
She nods. “Your nanna sent me off with one. I went into the Corps for a few reasons, but I’d just gone through a bad breakup and wanted time away to process. I never thought I’d find the love of my life while I was there.” She looks up at my father with so much love in her eyes it makes my chest ache, and that longing feeling that I have every time I look at Riley returns full force.
“I wrote in my journal every day. It was just for me. No one else was going to see it. It was a way for me to work through my feelings. It was a way for me to process the hurt and betrayal from my breakup, and it helped me realize that what I thought was love wasn’t. I met your father, and my journal helped me realize I didn’t want to live without him.”
“Something is eating you, Son. Whatever it is, use that”he points at the journal in my hands“to work it out. Then come home to us.”
I nod. I can’t speak from the lump of emotions in my throat. I thought I was doing well at hiding it, but my dad’s right. Something is eating at me.
The woman I love doesn’t love me back.
The woman I love is ghosting me, and I won’t be able to lay eyes on her for a year.
Yeah, something is definitely eating at me. I don’t know that I like the thought of pouring my heart into a journal, but Mom seems to think it will help, and Dad is on board, so I’ll take it with me and see how it goes. Even if I never use it, I’ll keep it. It was a gift out of love from the two best parents to ever walk the face of the earth. I’ll cherish it whether I use it or not. That’s just who I am.
“Thank you.” I pull her into a hug, and by default, my dad too.
“You be safe, Son,” Dad says, clearing his throat.
It’s not often I see the old man get choked up, but this is definitely one of those times. “I will. I’ll write as much as I can.”
“Oh, there are papers, pens, envelopes, and international stamps in this one.” Mom bends over and picks up another bag. “I hope you have room in your luggage.”
“I’ll make room,” I assure her. “From what Clay has told me, there’s very limited cell service and no internet at all. I guess they have satellites or something. I’ll call if and when I can, but I will definitely write.”
Mom places her hand over my heart. “Go find you, Hudson. Look deep inside, and don’t be afraid to chase whatever it is you’re after.”
My mind immediately goes to Riley. How will she handle me chasing her? I hope she’s ready because that’s exactly what I plan to do. I’m going to chase her, and capture her heart, and never let either go.
After a round of goodbyes, and more hugs than I’ve given or received in my lifetime, Clayton, his dad, Wagner, and I are on our way to the airport. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back against the seat and try like hell not to think about her. It’s no use. Riley Burke has been on constant replay in my mind since I was a teenager. No amount of time or distance will stop that from happening.
I have twelve months to form a plan. Twelve months to decide how I’m going to make her mine. She’s avoiding me, so I’m sure I have my work cut out for me, but what she doesn’t realize is that I’m not afraid of hard work. I am, however, afraid of a life without her in it.
I’m pissed as hell at her for walking out on me and avoiding me, but that’s okay. She thinks that being gone for a year will make me change my mind.
She’s wrong.
CHAPTER 9
Riley
Jolting awake, I sit up and look at the time. It’s just after three in the afternoon. Pulling the earplugs out of my ears, I take off my sleep mask and reach for my phone. I power it on to see a few missed calls from Hudson. He didn’t leave a message, which means he’s either pissed that I snuck out or he’s relieved we don’t have to dissect what happened between us last night. Ignoring the missed calls, I scroll through my text messages.
Raven: Are you alive?
Raven: Answer me or I’m coming over.
That was three hours ago.
Raven: You were sleeping like the dead when I came to check on you. I left a sub in the fridge for when you wake up. Call me if you need anything.
I love my sister. As the only family we have left, we always make sure to look out for one another. I’m just glad I was sleeping soundly and didn’t have to face her. I’m not ready for that. I still need time now that I’ve slept to process my actions. To process that he’s gone.
My heart twists in my chest when I think about how I ran out on him early this morning. I couldn’t face him. I didn’t want to hear him tell me that we had made a mistake. I don’t know for sure that’s what he would have said, but the fear of the unknown is strong. Now, we have a year. A full year to process it. Hell, I’m not even sure he’ll remember our night together. He was pretty wasted.