I know that I should have told you. Fuck, Riles, I wanted to. I wanted to shout it from the damn rooftop. In fact, I planned on calling Clayton when we woke up to tell him I’d changed my mind. The thought of leaving you after the night we shared, well, I couldn’t imagine it.
When you didn’t answer your phone or your door, I didn’t know what else to do. Did I leave Clayton and the team shorthanded and stay and fight? Or did I go and fulfill my promise? I didn’t know where your head was at, but ultimately, as you know, I left. If I could have just talked to you, or if you would have just stayed, things would have been different.
I miss you.
I’m mad at you.
Hudson
Placing the lid back on the pen, I close the journal and toss it back into the bag underneath my bed. Mom swears it helped her, and to be honest, writing out what I feel helps. I wish I could call her. Hell, I wish I could sit with her face-to-face, but until that happens, the journal it will be. I don’t plan to show it to her, but I’m glad I have it. I don’t know how else to get out these feelings raging inside me.
“Go on. You two deserve a day off. You’ve been working seven days a week since we got here,” Peter, the US leader for the corporation, tells us. “Take the day and relax.”
“You sure?” Clayton asks.
“Positive. Go take the day to explore.”
“You up for a hike?” Clayton asks.
“I said relax,” Peter jokes.
“It’s not like there’s a local bar or a club we can hit up.” Clayton laughs.
“I’m in,” I tell them.
“Pack water,” Peter reminds us.
“Yes, Dad,” we say in unison.
Peter arrived the same day we did to relieve his counterpart, Rodney. They’re top dogs at the company that organizes these trips. Usually, it’s a religious element but not in this organization. Well, they could be, but this isn’t a church mission. It’s a company based in the US, not for profit, of course, that helps out other countries with crops and construction. That’s where Clayton and I come in. We’re well versed in both. Clayton works for his father’s construction company, and of course, I help run my family’s farm and feed mill. We were accepted into the program right away.
“Let’s do this.” Clayton claps his hands together.
We make it back to our shack and pack a couple of bottles of water and some protein bars, just in case. Once we both have a backpack ready to go, we head out.
“So this trail”he points at the beginning of a trail at the end of where we’re working“Jose says it goes to a waterfall.”
“Sounds good to me.” We set off on our hike. We’re both quiet, just taking it all in. Well, I assume that’s what Clayton’s doing. I am, too, but I’m also thinking about Riley. What’s she doing right now? Getting ready for her workday? I stay lost in thought, and Clayton doesn’t seem to mind.
“Wow,” Clayton says when we reach the end of the trail.
“Damn,” I mutter. The trail ends into a bright green body of water surrounded by rocks and greenery, and right in the middle is a waterfall. The sound is soothing as the water crashes into the sea of green, just like her eyes.
She’s everywhere I am.
Always.
“Jose didn’t say it was like this,” Clayton comments.
“I’m sure he’s used to it. Living here and all that,” I remind him.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Raven would love this.” He pulls out a digital camera from his bag and snaps a few pictures. “I hate that she can’t see it until I get home, but it will still be a story to tell.”
“You’re right,” I agree, pulling out my own camera. I bought it at the suggestion of the organization we’re here with. They gave us a list of things to pack and things we wouldn’t be needing. Our cell phones, tablets, and computers were a few things we didn’t need. No internet access where we are, and cell towers are nonexistent. I thought that they were exaggerating until I got here and realized they weren’t. Apparently, you can drive a couple of hours from where we’re staying and get spotty service and internet, but who has time for that after working all day? Besides, we would have needed transportation, and the bus is needed here. It’s too far to walk, or I would have already attempted it to talk to Riley. Not that she would have answered.
Taking off our backpacks, we find a smooth rock to sit on and just look at the beauty of nature before us. I really wish Riley were here. Maybe I can bring her back and show her the work we’ve been doing and take her here to this very spot.
“What’s up with you, man?” Clayton asks.
“Nothing. What’s up with you?”
“Don’t give me that shit. We’ve been here for a month, and you’ve been quiet. Not your normal self.”
“Very observant of you.”
“Cut the shit.” He pulls a bottle of water out of his bag and takes a long pull. “What gives?”
I debate on telling him, and I can’t keep hiding it. “Riley and I we slept together the night of our going away.” The words are out there, and I thought it would make me feel better to share this burden, but Riley is the only person I want to share it with.
“Fuck, Hud. She’s one of us. Not a hookup. Way to fuck up the dynamics,” he scolds.
“She’s not a hookup. She’s more than that. And it wouldn’t fuck up the dynamics if she wouldn’t have snuck out of my bed before I woke up and ghosted me when I tried to reach out to her.”
“So what? This is real?”
“I want it to be real. I have for a very long time. I thought we were both on the same page that night, but I woke up alone.” I shrug as I dig into my own bag for a bottle of water. It’s not the heat that has me parched or the hike, but the thought of Riley.
“It’s about time you admitted it.”
It takes a few seconds for his words to sink in. I turn to look at him. “What?”
He grins. “You’re my best friend. I know when you’re into someone. And yes, I’ve known for a while.”
“Fuck. Does everyone know? Raven?”
“I don’t think anyone else knows. If Raven suspects anything, she hasn’t mentioned it to me.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.”
He nods. “I figured as much.”
Without prompting, I tell him how I’ve wanted her, about the kiss, and about our night together. I leave out the intimate details because those are just for me, but I tell him everything else.
“The journal?”
“You know about the journal?”
“I saw your mom give it to you, and I woke up on the plane, and you were writing in it. I heard you the other night too.”
“Yeah, the journal. It sounds crazy, but I can’t call her and can’t see her, so it’s the next best thing.”
“How about you write her a letter?”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m still pissed that she ghosted me.”
“She’s scared. You have to admit it’s going to shake things up a little.”