“You’re right—under normal circumstances, listening to gossip is bullshit. So don’t let that asshole change this in here.” He taps on my shoulder as his eyes sear mine. But then his scruffy jaw tightens and he looks away. “I need to call Gabriela.” Oh, my God, I’ve always loved how he rolls the r in his sister’s name. And when he’s angry and speaks Spanish, my ovaries go up in flames. “And my aunt and uncle. Tell them what’s going on. I’ve just been... overwhelmed.”
His whole body is tense, almost vibrating with anxiousness, and my heart melts. Because sweet, vulnerable Ben is my weakness.
I tug on his shirt. “None of that. We’re on vacation. Your only goals are to relax and get to know Lily. The rest can wait. Focus on being in the moment.”
His lips tug up, and seeing his anxiety fade makes my day. “You’re right. It’s like when I’m playing football. I only concentrate on the game. That’s it. Everything else is a distraction.”
“See, you already know how to do this. Just apply that same focus now.”
He hooks his arm around my shoulders as we head out to join his friends. “I have a feeling you’re my lucky charm, sunshine.”
When Janelle sees us and narrows her eyes at me, I get the feeling I might need some luck too this week so I can figure out how to maneuver these waters.
Because I suspect they’re going to get choppy.
16
BEN
With a war cry, Johnny cannonballs into the lake off the side of the boat.
I study the water and shift uncomfortably. In theory, it should be fine. I already made Olly check to make sure the area was deep enough to dive.
He’s the only one of my friends who knows how rattled I get when we do dangerous shit. Of course, I still do the crazy crap, like waterskiing or whatever else we have on deck when we go on vacation together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t freak the fuck out internally.
It’s all a byproduct of losing my parents, or so my therapist says.
But I’m determined not to let my paranoia get to me.
I go flying off the boat and land close enough to Johnny to give him a face full of water.
“Motherfuck—”
He doesn’t get a chance to finish that word because I’ve dunked him, but he gets me back by sneaking up behind me and putting me in a headlock as we go under.
This is the dumb shit we do.
By the time I haul myself out of the cold water, my anxiety has taken a back seat.
I push my wet hair outta my face as I lock eyes with Sienna, who is giving me an appreciative once-over. But then so is Janelle. I don’t know if Sienna is making eyes at me because of my ex, but I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t like having Sienna’s attention.
The girls thus far have only dipped their dainty toes in the lake, but we’re just now getting to the main event. Shifting gears, Olly, who’s chatting up Amelia, the girl he’s been talking to for a few weeks, speeds across the lake as Johnny hoots and hollers, trailing behind us on skis.
Lily pitches her toy for the tenth time, and I retrieve it. I offer to hold the kid for a bit and give Janelle a break. Lily is extra-heavy with her life preserver. I know she’s not comfortable, but there’s no way in hell I’m taking her on a boat without one as Janelle suggested.
First, it’s against the law. Kids have to wear one in Texas. I checked. Second, it’s dangerous as fuck. Third, I probably wouldn’t last ten minutes without breaking into a panic attack over fear my kid might pitch face first into the water.
As soon as Lily’s in my arms, she wiggles and kicks and starts to fuss. I coo and bounce her gently the way I’ve seen Rider do with his daughter, but nothing seems to work. Within a few minutes, big tears well in her eyes, and she waves her arms at Janelle, who ignores her.
I try to tell myself this takes time, that this is all new for Lily, but I’m still bummed she hasn’t warmed up even a little.
After Johnny wipes out and we retrieve him, he pulls himself onto the boat and beelines it to Janelle. “Hey, sexy. It’s your turn.”
“Knock it off, asshole,” I growl because I’ve watched her turn him down all afternoon. “She’s not interested.”
As soon as the words are out, I realize it might sound as though I give a shit if she hooks up with him. I don’t. Not exactly.
As far as guys go, Johnny’s not a bad person, but he’s not someone I’d pick as the stepfather of my kid. And now that Janelle’s my baby mama, I realize every goofball who hits on her could potentially be in my child’s life permanently.
I look to Olly, because I’d happily accept him into this weird expanding family, but he’s busy flirting with Amelia.
Janelle bats her eyelashes at me, and I kick myself for opening my big mouth.
No, I’m not gonna do this.
Right here, right now, I decide to let her handle her business. Unless some guy is scaring her or getting in her face, I’m staying out of her shit.
“I’d like a turn,” Sienna says from the other side of me.
I watch her get up and strip off her tank and shorts.
Holy hot damn, she’s got a body. I watch, en-fucking-thralled, as she stands at the edge of the boat and lets down her hair, which shimmers like dark, melted caramel in the sun, before she wraps it up in another messy bun. She slips on the life vest, holds out her arms, and yells, “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air!” before she leaps into the water with a carefree shout that makes me chuckle.
As soon as she gives the go-ahead, Olly roars the engine, and Sienna pulls up onto her skis like a champ with nary a wobble. It took Johnny three times, and he’s an elite athlete. Sienna zigzags over the wake, one way and then the other. After a few minutes, she kicks off one ski and goes slalom. We cheer for her because, yeah, she’s a baller out there on the water.
Sienna told me she does yoga and pilates, and I’ve seen her hauling ass on the treadmill at the gym, but until this very moment, I never realized that she’s every bit the athlete I am. But when she does a three-sixty, I swear my heart stops, except she pulls it off.
Fuck, that looked dangerous.
Johnny and I watch her from the bow. Sienna gives me a big, beautiful smile that’s every bit as bright as the sun. Damn, she’s a cool chick.
“Dude!” Johnny yells at her. “You’re kicking ass, Sienna!”
I elbow him. “Don’t distract her.” But hell yeah, I’m proud of her.
“I want a turn,” Janelle shouts into my ear.
I turn to see her wobble toward me with Lily in her arms. Swear to God, my life flashes before my eyes. If Olly were to hit a rough patch of water, those two could go careening over the edge.
Sweat breaks out on my body, and I ignore my thundering heart as I take the baby from her and sit my ass down. With my other hand, I grab the back of Janelle’s shirt. “Hold on to the edge of the boat or sit down.”
I know she’s trying to balance like Johnny, but she doesn’t realize his thighs are braced along the bow.
She rolls her eyes at me and clings to Johnny’s arm, which works for me.
I don’t bother lecturing Janelle. She won’t listen to me anyway. She dismisses every concern I have like I’m a dunce. Maybe I am. But I don’t think it’s wrong to want to protect Liliana and Janelle from getting hurt.