Ben makes a choked sound, and by his expression, I can tell he’s gearing up to lay into her.
I consider what she’s really saying as I turn to her and try to gentle my words. “Listen, I know this must be hard for you, seeing your ex move on, but I’m not the enemy. You guys were over a long time ago. Ben has had other women in his life before me.” A lot of other women, but I don’t say that. “And I’m not trying to encroach on your co-parenting situation. What you two have with your baby will always be special. My relationship with Ben does nothing to diminish that.”
I’m sure it’s easier for me to say this because I’m not in an actual relationship with Ben. If I were, I’m guessing I’d feel more possessive.
“You’re right,” she says, nodding slowly. “What Ben and I have will always be special. I’m the mother of his child. Can’t get more special than that. A part of him will be mine. Forever.” Her lips tilt up in a beautiful smile.
Really beautiful. Because she’s a gorgeous woman.
I hate that my stomach hurts when she says those words because I’m just the fake girlfriend, but the thought that Janelle tossed Ben away like she did and now wants him front and center in her life makes me want to kick her out of my house.
Reaching for my essential oil dispenser on the coffee table, I take a whiff to calm down. To put things into perspective. To bite my tongue so I don’t add more tension to whatever is happening right now. If the situation with Cal taught me anything, it’s that adding fuel to the fire is probably never the best thing to do. Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet, I remind myself.
“What?” Janelle asks, her eyes narrowed.
Damn. Did I say that out loud?
“Nothing. Just thinking about this line by Aristotle from my classical lit course.” I wave it off. “It’s not important.” Focus, Sienna. Focus. How can you help Ben with his baby mama? “What, uh, what are your plans this summer?”
She shrugs. “Give Ernest some time to calm down. Head home in a few weeks and hope he hasn’t tossed all my shit onto the front yard.”
Oh, hey, I have some experience with that sort of thing. “Will you be leaving Lily with Ben then? Or... how do you guys plan to deal with custody?” I ask as I look between her and Ben.
Because after being with Cal, I know the football training camp later this summer will be tough.
Janelle roughly wipes Lily’s mouth, which has a red ring of tomato sauce. “Dallas is too far to swap off often. Maybe she could do four weeks here and four with me.”
Ben drops his head into his hands. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, but the next few months are probably the most important of my career. I’d be lying if I said I’ll have tons of time to spend with her. Sienna said she can help me, but I’ll be stretched thin. I know it’s doable because my buddy just survived a similar situation, but we have a new coach who’s known as a ballbuster whereas Sully, our coach last year, was pretty chill. More like a father figure.”
“Don’t tell that to Tío Julio,” she jokes, and Ben chuckles in agreement.
His eyes warm and crinkle at the corners as he smiles at her, and I’m instantly jealous. Which is freaking ridiculous! What Ben and I have isn’t even real.
I don’t understand why I’m so drawn to him. Sure, I had a huge crush on him freshman year, but he said himself he was checking in on me because his sister asked him to. I can’t let my imagination get carried away when it comes to this fake dating thing we’re doing.
I don’t get Janelle’s joke, but I don’t stop them to ask what they mean.
She licks her lips. “I know you said I couldn’t live with you this summer, but would it help if I moved down to Charming?”
God, no.
Choking down another sip of tea, I pray for some serious Zen vibes. Because while having Janelle closer would probably make life easier for Ben in a lot of ways, that means I’d have to see her too. At least if Ben wants to keep up this façade. And as things stand now, I’ll be needing a serious session of yoga and meditation to recover from tonight.
When Ben doesn’t say anything, Janelle adds, “Maybe just for the next year. So we could swap off with the baby when you need to. I was only taking a few community college classes in Dallas. It’s not a big deal to transfer here for a while.”
She suddenly sounds so rational. So reasonable.
And that makes me instantly suspicious.
“Could you swing that?” he asks slowly. “I could help you find a place. Pay for some of your rent. Maybe there’s something in the neighborhood.”
This is good, I tell myself as I surreptitiously take slow, deep breaths. They’re working things out. As our family shrink told my mother, it’s healthier for kids if their parents aren’t arguing constantly in front of them. And Lily will be able to see her mom and dad more often.
Then why do I feel like I need something stronger than tea?
14
BEN
This was a bad fucking idea.
A quick glance in my rearview mirror has me gripping the steering wheel tighter when my eyes collide with Janelle’s.
I’m gonna kill Johnny.
Because the other day, when we were leaving Sienna’s, I needed to get my phone charger, so Janelle, Lily, and I stopped by my house, and that’s when my roommate opened his big fucking mouth.
Johnny somehow thought it would be a great idea to invite my ex and kid to the lake for the four-day trip that was supposed to be my first chance to relax in months. Sure, he apologized later, but it was too late.
When Janelle looked to me to make sure it was okay with me, what was I supposed to do? Tell her no and look like an asshole? I’d been fully resigned to staying behind and hanging with my daughter so I could get to know her. I thought I’d use the rest of the time to mentally prepare for next week’s training camp. I’d planned to unwind. In other words, sleep, jerk off, and watch a crap-load of Netflix. In that order.
But no. Because Janelle was so excited, she threw herself at me like a flying koala bear, all arms and legs that wrapped around me. Just in time for Sienna to open the front door and see this woman pawing me.
Now that I’ve been “examining my feelings,” as Dr. Patricia likes to say, I realize I had no reason to feel guilty. It’s not like Sienna and I are truly dating, but at the same time, if we were, having Janelle pasted to me would’ve been disrespectful to Sienna. For the briefest moment, it seemed like she was hurt. That it bothered her to see Janelle clinging to me before I’d had a chance to peel her off me.
Sienna waited for Janelle to disengage her stranglehold on my neck before she handed her Lily’s diaper bag, which she’d forgotten. And then she gave me a patient smile and left.
I wanted to run after her. To tell my pretend girlfriend that Janelle’s overtures don’t mean anything to me.
I groan and run my hand through my hair.
This fake dating shit is screwing with my head.
“You’re doing a lot of groaning over there,” Sienna says softly from the passenger seat. “You okay?” Before I can respond, she holds up her iced tea to me. “Want a sip?”