KAT
“Room for two more?”
I glance up to see Jules and Liv. “It’s a party.”
I gesture to the grass and they sit down, setting their bags next to them.
I’m on the hill at the heart of campus, my dark glasses perched on my nose as I watch the students running past.
Liv’s eyes go immediately to my accessories. “There a reason you have a suitcase with you?”
“I need a vacation. Or at least a few days at the Holiday Inn. I hear the bar makes a decent margarita.”
Jules frowns. “What happened?”
Emotion threatens to spill over as I take in my friends’ earnest expressions.
“Daniel left town for a conference and Andy broke his arm on my watch. I took him to the hospital and notified his grandparents, and he’s going to be okay. But it was my fault.”
Liv wraps me in a hug. Jules piles on top.
I fight the hot tears burning the backs of my eyes.
Because I’m ashamed and hurt.
I didn’t know it was possible to see Daniel so angry and cold at once.
He made me want him, rely on him, fall for him.
Then he rejected me.
“He’s obviously wrong,” Jules says.
“He is protective, and I get why,” Liv weighs in. “He’s already lost someone super close to him, and Andy’s his entire world. But it’s not like a nanny is all you are to him.”
I lift a shoulder. “The job was always supposed to come first. We were sleeping together. It wasn’t a relationship.”
Liar.
Liar, liar, liar.
Every second we spent together felt like the promise of a future I hadn’t dared to hope for.
The kind of family I always wanted.
But it’s never going to happen.
“Maybe he’s right not to trust me with Andy.”
“Don’t say that.”
I take in a shaky breath and blow it out.
Liv leans in. “Do you need somewhere to crash? I can make at least as good drinks as the Holiday Inn.”
“I was hoping for more of a change of scenery than a different view of the street sign.”
Jules shifts on her butt, pulling her knees up in front of her. “You can stay with us, but we’re pretty cramped. Tess’ cat is going through some stuff and she’s up at all hours.”
“Kat, let us help,” Liv presses. “Besides. It’s a big house and Sawyer won’t mind at all.”
“It’s automatic.” Sawyer’s voice comes from the doorway as I stab random buttons on the coffee maker. “But by all means, continue trying to murder it if it makes you feel better.”
He crosses the renovated kitchen, his dark jeans and button-down shirt and his too-long hair freshly washed. I get why Liv fell hard for him. He’s a bad boy dream, a spank me, professor fantasy complete with a backlog of issues. But with my friend in his life, he seems to have managed a lot of them.
“Thank you for letting me stay here.”
“You’re a friend of Olivia’s. And,” he goes on after a moment, “I can’t help feeling partially responsible.”
“Yes, you’re on the hook for everything that happens on your street.”
He snorts and waves me away from the coffee machine while it brews.
He sets two mugs on the counter.
“She’ll be down in a second. She had a long night working on a project for her boss in California, plus her fourth-year courses are hitting her harder than she expected.”
“And since you’re no longer her professor, it’s not like she can blow you to get ahead.”
He bows his head. “It’s a cruel world.”
I’ve been staying over for the past three nights.
I’m trying to work on my schoolwork, and not think about Daniel. He’s texted twice to ask if I’m okay, if I have a place to stay.
I finally sent a one-word text: Yes.
I can’t bring myself to talk to him.
My chest still aches with shame and betrayal thinking about what he said in the hospital.
Sawyer pours coffee and I reach across the spot where his phone is plugged in to charge and take it.
His phone buzzes and I can’t help but notice the name on the screen.
Daniel.
“Don’t tell him I’m here.”
Sawyer reaches for the phone, our gazes locking over it.
He answers. “Yeah. How’s he holding up?”
My stomach knots. Is it fucked up how much I want to hear his voice?
I take my coffee and turn away.
“Sure, I can.”
Pause.
“Wouldn’t miss it. But we can’t do it here. Zander’s? Yeah. See you then.”
Sawyer clicks off and I take a breath. “How is he?”
“Andy’s fine. Daniel sounds…” He reads something on my face. “Like he’s had a rough week.”
I exhale hard.
“Of course he has. He was traveling for the first time in ages, found out his son was in the hospital, freaked out, flew home, and fired me. And dumped me.”
“Did he? Fire you and break up with you?”
“Not in so many words,” I concede.
Sawyer crosses the kitchen to the window. “I’m not going to tell you Daniel’s been through some shit, because all of us have. He wears it better than most. But he let you in. Now he’s punishing himself for it.”
“He’s punishing me for it,” I correct.
Sawyer turns back, leaning against the counter. “I don’t know what you’re going through. But I can promise he’s giving himself ten times worse.”
I take a long sip of hot coffee. It’s rich and bitter and suits my mood.
“It’s not the twelfth century. They don’t give out awards for martyrdom anymore.”
“I can see why he likes you,” he calls after me when I turn and head for the doorway.
31
DANIEL
“There’s no way he’s going to eat that.”
Zander’s voice carries as I walk around the side of his house to the big screened-in porch.
“Oh, shit. He is too.”
I carry the beers up the stairs and lean over Zander’s shoulder to where he crows at a video on his phone. On it, a guy is taking a bite out of a giant insect.
“For a highbrow lit professor, you have some twisted tastes,” I say.
“Never said I was highbrow. Besides, you can’t cast stones, guy with an assistant and a nanny. Know what I have in the lit department? Three grumpy grad students, terrible coffee, and shelves full of the thoughts of dead white guys.”
The other guys already have beers, so I stick my warm pack in the fridge and grab a bottle that’s cold.
I meant to bring cold ones, but I lost track of things.
I’ve been losing track of a lot of things lately.
“He has a kid. He needs an assistant and a nanny,” Ric comments.
“Not anymore. She’s gone. Didn’t even say goodbye.”
I haven’t seen her in the five days since Andy got hurt and I lost it.