I held my breath. Something jerked in my chest.
“What is it? What are you looking at?”
“The greatest work of my life.” I grabbed her wrists and pulled her up.
There it was. A painting. Mine. Hers. Ours.
Leah hugged me. I was incapable of looking away from that whirlpool of colors, of random lines, of our story made art. That day I understood that you didn’t have to think to represent, that what would be scribbles and blotches to everyone else could be, for us, the most beautiful painting in the world.
I crouched down, grabbed it, and went to the bedroom.
“Axel, what are you doing?” Leah followed me.
I grabbed my toolbox and took out a hammer and anchor screws. Ten minutes later, the painting was there, taking up the entire wall over my bed. And I knew that it would stay there forever. I turned back to Leah, my breathing still far from calm.
“It’s not dry yet,” she whispered.
“It will dry. Come here, babe.”
She got into the bed. She was still naked. I squeezed her against me, skin to skin, heart to heart, and kissed her softly, slowly, putting everything into it…everything that filled my chest in that instant.
102
_________
Axel
Life is that: unpredictable.
One day you think you know yourself well, and the next you find yourself looking in the mirror surprised. One day you think nothing can happen to you…and then it does. One day you’re convinced you’ll never fall in love with that girl you watched grow up in the backyard of your house, and then you lose your head over her as if you’ve been waiting your whole life to find out the full meaning of the word love. One day you realize you’ve left aside that brother who was always there in the shadows, afraid of coming close to you and being rejected. One day you’re sure you know how your best friend will react to any situation and…you’re wrong.
103
_________
Leah
I hadn’t slept for several nights since Oliver came back on Sunday and I went home knowing that at the end of the week, Axel would talk to him and tell him everything. A part of me wanted to get it over with, the way you tear a bandage off in one go. Another was scared, and the uncertainty was suffocating me.
I looked at the dress I had left on my desk chair and was planning to wear that night to the dinner at Emily and Justin’s place. It was black, discreet, but it made me look sexy, I thought, but maybe that had more to do with how I felt when Axel’s hands touched me than with the garment itself.
I got out of bed just as Oliver entered my room.
“I’m going to Cavvanbah to have a drink with some friends.” He tucked his printed shirt into his pants. “Should I come pick you up, or do you want to meet at the Nguyens’?”
“I’ll see you there.”
“Cool. Give me a kiss, pixie.”
I wouldn’t have let him go if I had known what would happen just a few hours later…
104
_________
Axel
It was a warm spring night as I arrived at the house Justin and Emily had bought in the suburbs a few years back. I walked down the driveway, and my nephews ran out from behind some bushes where they had been crouching. I laughed when they attacked me with a couple of water guns. I managed to get one away from Max and shoot him in the face until he ran off.
I greeted Emily and then went to the backyard where the table was set in the middle of the grass. Justin was standing further off at the barbecue grill. I came up behind him and clapped him on the back while he watched the meat roasting.
“Were you a good brother? Did you keep me in mind?”
“You’ve got a vegetable lasagna inside.”
“I fucking love you,” I laughed.
Justin shook his head before flipping the hamburgers while his children ran back and forth. “How’s everything?” he asked.
“It is what it is.”
I looked back when I heard the door open and I saw Leah emerge. My heart stopped. She was precious with that smile…with that dress that I wanted to tear off immediately. I walked over and kissed her on the cheek. Justin was tense when he greeted her and asked her if she liked her meat well done.
We spent a while fooling around with Max and Connor, who didn’t stop even for a second, and then we took the dishes to the table. My parents appeared just as I was setting down a dish, and I went to say hi to them.
Oliver was a few feet behind them.
His brow was furrowed and his mouth contracted in a thin tense line. I guess when I saw that, I should have known what was going to happen. After he made his way through the people in front of him and reached me, I couldn’t avoid the first punch. Or the second one. My family started shouting all around, but all I could think of was the searing pain and what had caused it, because I knew a part of me deserved it, and because at least that way, I could give Oliver some satisfaction.
I stumbled with the third blow, but I managed not to fall. I heard Leah screaming at her brother, but neither of us took his eyes off the other, as if all the threads that had held us together since we were eight were breaking one by one. In my mouth was the metallic taste of blood. I spit on the ground. Oliver stepped toward me again. He didn’t seem even close to finished, but Justin grabbed him from behind before he could reach me. I think he must have realized I wasn’t going to defend myself.
“How the fuck…? How could you?”
I didn’t answer. What the hell was I going to answer? I was about to say, “It just happened,” but I knew that wouldn’t be enough. I saw it in his eyes. The hatred, the incomprehension, the disappointment.
“What’s going on here? Boys…” My mother’s voice was trembling and her eyes were open wide.
Connor started to cry, and Emily took him and his twin inside while I rubbed my sore jaw, trying not to look at my parents. “We need to talk…”
“I’m going to kill you, Axel!”
Justin held him tighter.
“Tonight. My house,” I continued, and I don’t know why the fuck I sounded so cold and calm, because inside, I was dying. I’d always been like that though. It had always been hard for me to show my emotions in tense situations. “In an hour. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“You’re a piece of shit,” he hissed.
If I’m honest, he wasn’t entirely wrong.
“Axel, just get the fuck out of here,” Justin said.
I decided that would be best and left, not looking at Leah, because if I did…if I did, I would know for sure how this was going to end. I could still hear Oliver shouting at his sister to get her things, ignoring my parents’ questions and Justin’s attempts to calm him down. In the car, I pounded the steering wheel, then turned the key and sped off.
The first thing I did when I got home was grab the bottle of rum. I took a few sips straight from the neck while walking toward the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I spit the last gulp into the sink because my mouth was still bleeding. I could put two and two together. I didn’t need to think about it long, knowing Oliver had gone to Cavvanbah that afternoon. Madison must have seen enough––much more than I had thought. I tried to calm myself down. I drank a little more, and a few minutes later, I heard the knock on the door. He almost beat it down. I opened up.