She giggles against my skin. “I’ve never enjoyed sucking dick like I just did.”
I can still feel her mouth on me. If my guy weren’t dead, he’d be up for another round, but nope, not right now. “Sushi. I need sushi.”
“Oh yeah, that sounds awesome.”
“Agreed. Though, I don’t want to move.”
“Me either.”
So, neither of us does. I kiss the top of her head, holding her close to me. She kisses the side of my pec, and I feel her lashes along my skin, letting me know her eyes are shut. I go back over what has transpired in the last four hours. It all seems so unreal, but Allison Titov is in my arms. I feel her naked body against mine. I can smell her, feel her on my lips, and still taste her.
I made love to my best friend, and I liked it. Immensely.
It almost made me forget that I am terrified of what could happen with her. Of the unknown. Of losing the one person who loves me inside and out and not because I put out. Since I have now put out, things will change drastically. Or at least, I think they will? Feelings can be felt. Real feelings. For each other.
Fuck me.
“Hey, Ally,” I ask against her head, and she sighs.
“I’m not getting up to order sushi. My phone is in my hoodie somewhere. You go find it.”
I grin against her hair. “No, not yet,” I say, kissing her. “But are we together now?”
She pauses. “Well, I’d hope so. I gave you the best head ever, so I thought that would lock you in.”
I laugh, cuddling her to me. “Yeah, it worked.” She smacks my chest as she laughs, and I smile against her hair. As much as it scares the living fuck out of me not knowing what will happen and if I’ll let myself fall for her, I’m not lying; she locked me down. “No. You locked me in way before that.”
“It was the volleyball net kiss, huh?”
I grin as I stare up at the ceiling. Man, that was a great kiss. “I think it might have been.”
“It was pretty awesome.”
“It was,” I agree, inhaling. “I don’t know how to act around you now.”
She scoffs. “Like yourself, dork.”
“But it’s different. I have to impress you.”
“Ash, shut up. You don’t. You already got me.”
“So? I have to keep you. Duh.” She grins against my skin. “It’s the truth. I can’t be acting all dorky and shit. I gotta be manly and buy you flowers—”
“Ew, no. I hate flowers, you know that.”
“I do,” I say, and damn, can it be that easy? I know every single thing about her, but she hasn’t ever been with a decent dude. All of them have been shit. “But the reason is because guys only got you flowers when they fucked up. I want to buy you flowers because you’re beautiful.”
She tilts her head up to look at me. “Wow.”
I nod. “Told you. I’m a pretty awesome boyfriend.”
“And you’re hung.”
I grin. “That too,” I say with a wink, and it’s then that I realize, I’m so comfortable. It’s as if we’ve been doing this forever, but it can’t be that simple. The transition from what we were into what we’re doing now can’t be this seamless. I told myself so long ago it wouldn’t be—I didn’t believe it could be, so instead I went for the easy choice that was right in my face. Jasmine. Now… Now I’m in bed with Ally, and I’m feeling all sorts of confusing things.
“I don’t know, Ally. Does it feel weird to you?”
She eyes me. “No. I feel pretty damn good.”
“I do too. I mean us. Isn’t it weird to take it to this level?”
She furrows her brows. “Do you think it’s weird?”
“No… I don’t know.” Her brows don’t relax, and she’s still eyeing me. I know that means she’s getting annoyed with me. “You hear all kinds of horror stories about friends getting together and it going bad. But I guess we haven’t had time yet for it—”
“Asher.”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.” I narrow my gaze as I lean down, pressing my nose to hers. “Shut your brain off and enjoy what we are building here. We know two things—we are great friends, and sex is awesome between us. What could go wrong?”
“You could turn into a lesbian and leave me?” I go for the joke, because telling her I don’t know how to let myself be with her isn’t something I can say right now.
She snorts with laughter. “Not happening. I love dick. Yours, especially.” I don’t smile, and her eyes go soft. “Really? I know it broke your heart when that happened with Jasmine, but I really didn’t see it messing with your confidence.”
I swallow hard. “I don’t know if it’s my confidence or if it’s because it’s you.”
“What do you mean?”
I run my thumb along her jaw. It’s red in spots where I held her when we were going at it. “I have had the pleasure of being your number one for years and you mine, and we know that life. No one could come close to what we have. We’ve got that down. But now, we’re treading in uncharted waters. So much can go wrong—you could hate that I moan when I eat—”
“Actually, I think it’s hot. Always have.” She smiles. “We know each other, inside and out, Ash. Now we get to know each other as lovers.”
I press my thumb into her chin. “But what if we don’t like what we find out?”
She draws her lip between her teeth. “I guess that goes back to my previous question. Am I worth the risk?”
She is. I know she is. I feel it deep in my soul, but I don’t want to lose her. If I say that, though, it’ll be too deep and she’ll be worried. I don’t want her to know that I’m struggling with this. That I’m terrified I’ll lose not only my best friend but someone I now think I might be able to have a future with?
I have no logical reason to think I’ll lose her. She has never cheated on the guys she has been with. She can get a bit hangry and doesn’t like to be woken up. She has a tendency to jump on the defensive for the smallest things. But these are all things I know. I know her likes, her dislikes, and that her family means the world to her. I know she would die for me, and I for her. All this is what every person wants when they get into a relationship with someone, so what am I scared of? Why can’t I just be happy I may have hit the jackpot when it comes to love? Because I know things like this don’t happen out of nowhere. A perfect relationship doesn’t fall in your lap.
What the hell is wrong with me?
She brings my head toward her, pressing our foreheads together. “I know it’s overwhelming and doesn’t seem real—I feel that too. But then I look into your good eye, I feel your hands on me, and Asher, you make me feel everything I’ve wanted for so long. This. I wanted this. Us.”
I swallow hard. “I like how you made sure to point out my good eye.”
She fights back a grin. “I mean, it’s a damn good eye.”
I nod, my nose moving along hers. I need to know facts. “Are we telling our parents?”
She closes her eyes, a grin tugging at her lips. “Need all the facts, huh?”