CHAPTER 24
‘You smell like a battered sausage,’ Titch whispered, as Ritchie, tired from his evening shift at the chip shop, appeared in the spare bedroom of her mum’s bungalow and kissed her on the cheek.
‘And how lovely to see you too, Tinkerbell,’ Ritchie smiled.
‘I honestly think all of my muscles have seized and I could well wet myself on standing, but I have had complete peace for two hours. I know I should have put him in his cot, but…’
Ritchie gently unravelled the sleeping child from his mother’s arms and, making soothing noises as he went, he tiptoed off to put little Theo down in his cot. Bringing a cup of tea back through for them both, he sat opposite Titch and stretched out his long, gangly limbs.
‘Your mum’s in bed early then?’ he asked.
‘Yes, thank goodness. It’s full-on soaps on TV tonight and you know how loud she has to have it. I so can’t wait until we can get our own place.’ The puppies carried on gently snoring either side of her legs.
‘Soon, it will be soon. Our savings pot is growing now. Let’s get married first and then in January, well, it’s my aim to get us out of here and into our own home.’
‘It’s such a shame re Rosa’s flat.’ Titch stroked the sleeping puppies gently.
‘Yes, but it is what it is. I felt a bit bad saying that Josh was stuck-up the other day, but nobody upsets my girl like that and Rosa has got to do what she feels is right. It’s up to her.’
‘Am I really that useless? I’m sure I could run the shop, you know.’
Ritchie jumped up. ‘Come here.’ He gently pulled Titch up by her hands and hugged her into him as tight as he could without suffocating her. ‘You, my gorgeous fiancée, are not useless at all. You could run that shop blindfolded. And the joy that you and that little man of ours gives me is insurmountable. You’ve given me a future that I could never have dreamed of, living down here. And if all five of us had to move into a tent on the beach, I’d still be the happiest man alive.’
‘You big softie you.’ Titch reached up to kiss him on the lips. ‘Let’s go to bed, it’s about time we loved each other properly. But do me a favour, Ritchie. Shower first – you stink.’
‘Ta-dah! I present to you one large, clean sausage ready for battering,’ Ritchie announced on entering the bedroom, one hand in the air, the other holding a red flannel over the huge erection he was going to reveal, like a waiter presenting a dish.
He let out a soft laugh. For there was his wife-to-be, butt naked aside one stocking and her sexiest bra, spread-eagled across the bed, face down and snoring, with a baby dachshund on either side of her head.
As he went to gently pull the duvet up over her, he noticed that by her hand was a silver envelope, covered in gold stars. It wasn’t stuck down or addressed to anyone, and a piece of paper was poking out. With his ardour now fading and his curiosity getting the better of him, Ritchie pulled on his dressing gown and headed off to make himself another cup of tea. Seated at the kitchen table, he started to read his fiancée’s neat handwriting. She had outlined various bullet points.
• Name (To be confirmed)
• Charity – Sea & Save and £50 – or maybe that should be more? (will think of something I know she’d like here)
When he got to a bullet point entitled Why you should gift the shop to me Ritchie put his hand to his heart. It wasn’t a finished version, as there were crossings out and random words dotted about, but there was enough for him to get the gist and realise that his wife-to-be was just the most incredible woman. Being not only smart, funny, cute, quirky and a wonderful mother, he realised too, on reading this, just how incredibly generous she was, and kind in spirit.
CHAPTER 25
Lucas sat on Rosa’s sofa holding the can of beer he had brought with him. His eyes were red from crying; his body and soul exhausted with the shock and disbelief that only the grief of losing a loved one can bring. Rosa could see how hard he was trying to hold it together. As soon as she said the words, ‘All right, geezer?’ it was as if their cockney bond allowed him to let go and he began to sob like a baby.
She went to the bathroom to get him some loo roll to wipe his streaming eyes. Every time he tried to speak, off he’d go again. Hot just sat and stared at him, and as if feeling the young man’s pain, he began to make funny little whining noises. Rosa wasn’t sure whether to hug Lucas or not. In the end she decided on not; just sat beside him on the sofa with her hand on his shoulder. Taking the can of beer from him, she eventually spoke.
‘Getting drunk isn’t going to help, you know.’
Lucas reared up. ‘Look at Miss Sobriety here. And who are you to fucking judge?’ He gave a disgusted exclamation. ‘And what’s that stink in here?’
‘Hot was sick – and whoa there, mister, I was only trying to help.’
This wasn’t the time to tell Lucas of her decision not to drink, nor of her pregnancy. Rosa actually felt secretly pleased that she now had a valid excuse not to drink without having to explain herself. It was amazing how many people found it a problem that she didn’t drink any more.
Lucas shut his eyes and rested his head back on the sofa. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m thirty years old and an orphan. Rosa, do you have any idea how that feels?’
‘Well, if you want an honest answer, I didn’t even know who my mum was for twenty odd years. And I still don’t know who my dad is or if he’s even alive.’
‘Trust you to trump me.’ Lucas managed a brief smile.
‘I’m sorry, this isn’t about me. That was heartless.’
‘It’s just so shit.’ Lucas bit his lip. ‘It’s as if that storm you had down here has come back and ripped out a piece of me. If ever I’ve felt this bad about anything, who would I have turned to? My mum.’ At the word ‘mum’ he started sobbing again. ‘And I can’t believe I’m being such a dick in front of you.’ He blubbered, ‘But I literally feel like I have a pain in my heart.’
Rosa sat next to him on the sofa, tears forming in her own eyes. ‘Oh Luke, there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, I know. But I’m so pleased you are getting it out. Grieve, just grieve. Shout, scream, run, whatever it takes. It’s so raw but it will get better, it always does, whatever it is.’ She paused. ‘When Mary was grieving for Queenie, I tried to find ways to comfort her. I found a quote from CS Lewis, which said “No one ever told me that grief felt like fear”. She agreed. Said it was like standing at the top of a cliff and looking out to sea but there was no horizon. There was a vast empty hole inside of her, and she had no idea how she was going to fill it. She was in absolute despair, wondering how she could carry on without such a huge part of her life being there ever again.’
Lucas sniffed. ‘That’s it – it’s the forever bit I’m not coping with. I do feel fear because I know I’ll never see Mum again – and when I think of that, then I panic. How can I not ever see, hear or touch her again? How can I carry on knowing that she is not there to turn to?’