‘Oh Lucas, you will cope, and you’ll have to. It’s horrific now but this intensity will pass. Think back to your dad passing – you got through that OK.’
‘But I had Mum to help me then,’ he replied brokenly.
Rosa wasn’t sure how she could answer that one. The death of a loved one was without doubt horrendous. And she was grateful she had never had to suffer it to this extreme. She could physically feel Lucas’s pain, he was so awash with it.
‘I’m bloody skint too,’ he went on. ‘I’ve had things on my mind…not been concentrating on work. I really do need to sort myself out.’
‘Do you want to borrow some money? I mean like a hundred quid or something?’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘Here.’ Rosa reached for her handbag and handed him some notes. ‘Take this. The last thing you need to be worrying about at a time like this is money. At least you can buy some fags or something.’
‘Tom’s going to lend me some later, it’s fine.’
‘Please – just take it.’
Rosa being so kind to him was almost too much to bear. Lucas tried to get a grip and not break down again. ‘You’re such a doll.’ He shoved the money in his jeans pocket. ‘And that wasn’t the reason I came here.’
‘For God’s sake, Luke, I know that. Us East Enders, we look out for each other, don’t we?’ Rosa put her hand on his and then on feeling the same spark of lust she had felt when she had very first met him, quickly pulled it away.
At that point, Hot, realising his doggie sympathy was falling on deaf ears, trotted back to his bed in the corner of the lounge and stuck his head under the blanket.
‘I’m even boring Mr Sausage.’ Lucas attempted another smile, his voice calmer now. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Rosa. I just felt compelled to come and see you, to thank you.’ He went to get up.
‘Will you stop saying sorry! And sit back down, it’s fine. I’m just glad that I was there for your mum when she needed someone.’
‘And I’m just so grateful that you phoned me and left me that message. I was actually going to come down and face everything at Christmas, so thank God you got in touch as I would have been too late.’ He ran a hand across his eyes, muttering, ‘This is so shit. It’s not fair.’
‘Life isn’t fair, is it, Luke. I’m lucky that I’ve only had Queenie die on me. She was so old it was like the passage of time was right with her. I miss her but I also never got to know her that well. Whereas this is your mum, Luke. I don’t think the umbilical cord is ever truly cut, whether our mums are alive or dead. This is the hardcore of losses. It’s not going to be an easy ride. But I do know that everyone who has lost someone close does bring out the old “time is a healer” cliché.’
She moved closer to the grieving man beside her. ‘Come here.’ Without thinking of the past between them, with just the sheer power of compassion towards another human being, one who was so broken and lost, Rosa hugged Lucas tightly to her. Melting into her and without conscious thought Lucas lifted his head to kiss her on the lips. Catching the look in his eyes for a split second, she jumped up. Her voice was breathy. ‘We can’t, not again, Luke. Not ever again.’
Luke jumped up too and headed towards the balcony door. ‘I…er…’ His face was pained. ‘Shit, Rosa. I was going to say I’m sorry again, but I’m not. Time may be a healer, but how long does it take to get over a broken heart? Why do you think I kept away from the Bay for so long? Why?’ With that he pulled open the door and tore down the spiral stairs causing a crumpled envelope to fall out of his back pocket and land on the bottom step.
CHAPTER 26
‘So, are you going to come back for fireworks weekend?’ Rosa was chopping mushrooms and peppers for an omelette while talking to Josh on FaceTime. The iPad was propped up against the kettle in the kitchen.
‘You should be one of those Instagram cooks,’ Josh replied instead. ‘You look very fetching in that little outfit. In fact, I can’t wait to get my hands on you again. Pull it down a bit…yes, that’s right. Ooh, being apart from you is killing me, Rosa.’
Rosa did a little shuffle of her naked cleavage right up close to the screen. ‘They are getting bigger by the day,’ she said proudly, ‘now that baby Smith has started growing inside me. I’m loving it!’
Josh sighed. ‘Not as much as me. Anyway, put the knife down and pay attention as I’ve got good news and bad news for you.’
‘Hit me with it. Bad first.’
‘I’m not going to be back for the fireworks weekend.’
‘Oh Josh! You–’
‘Your mother will be happy at least.’
‘Oh yeah! I had forgotten her heebie-jeebie goings-on around you not coming back until after the fireworks.’
‘Don’t be annoyed, Rosa, just hear me out. The reason I’m not coming back is because…the good news is that the project is going to be finished earlier, so I will be home for good on the sixth of December at the very latest. It could even be a week before.’
‘Yeah! OK, that’s brilliant. I’d rather you were back earlier. You can help me with Christmas stock, as I don’t want to lift too much now. Oh great, it also means you’ll be here for my three-months scan too. I’ve been to the doctor and all my appointments and stuff have been set up and I am very healthy, I’ll have you know.’
‘Great, and yes, please don’t do anything silly, like lifting heavy boxes. I know what you’re like. Have you told anyone yet?’
‘No, I wanted to see if you minded if I did first. It’s usually after the scan you tell people, but sod it, all these silly life rules. I want everyone to know.’
‘That’s so sweet. I don’t mind at all. My mum will be beside herself; I know it’s not her first grandchild, but she just loves a new baby in the family.’
‘Josh?’
‘Yes? What’s up? The way you said that sounded ominous.’
‘You know I helped Sheila, before she died?’
‘Yes.’
‘Lucas came around to thank me. I just wanted to be honest with you.’
‘Rosa, it’s OK. Did he stay long?’
‘No, about an hour. He was obviously very upset and as I was the first to get to Sheila, he just wanted to find out what she had said.’ That wasn’t quite true, and saying it, Rosa wondered why, in fact, Luke hadn’t asked what his mother had been saying. But she was quickly learning that grief is a wild monster. And when in its grip, logical thought went out of the window.
The night of their recent meeting, Rosa had had trouble getting off to sleep. Thoughts were whirring around her mind about what she should do with regard to Lucas’s outburst. Was it really her, Rosa, who had broken his heart? And if so, did she really want to get into a conversation with him now about it? It was then she recalled what Sheila had said about her son loving her. Now that she was so happy and settled with Josh, to Rosa it all seemed too little, too late. Nearly a year later, in the cold, sober light of day, for the first time she began to think about her relationship, if you could call it that, with Lucas Hannafore. There had been an instant attraction and he had always been so cocksure – ‘cock’ being the operative word – and he had never demonstrated anything more than wanting her purely for sex.