“You can stop hiding now, flower,” Joseph says, the sudden sound of his voice making my heart jump.
I close my eyes, swallowing thickly, and then slowly rise to my feet as a feeling of dread and two words run through my mind.
Oh fuck.
Chapter 22
Joseph
I can’t stand the look in Lilly’s eyes. Accusing me. All this time she’s been reading my journal. Looking at me as though I’m a wounded animal. I don’t want her sympathy. But her kindness and the sweet side she’s given me has been addictive. I’ve grown to crave it.
Now she sees me for who I really am. What I represent and where I came from. As if she didn’t know. How did she think I got this fucked up?
You can’t have one without the other.
“Hand me the gun,” I hold out my hand and she’s quick to look down at her hands as if only now realizing what she’s holding. She rises slowly, her shoulders hunching in slightly and takes a step forward, handing it to me and quickly backs away. She looks around the room, still processing everything.
I gently set the gun on the table before turning back to her.
“What did you hear?” I ask her. More for her own safety than anything else. My brother isn’t going to let up. I need to know what she heard.
She doesn’t answer me. She stares at me wide-eyed with a mix of fear and something else.
I raise my voice and give her the command again, “what did you hear?” My heart hammers in my chest. I hate the look in her eyes. The way she’s looking at me. I want my Lilly back. My flower.
“Nothing,” she barely answers. Her voice only just above a murmur. I narrow my eyes at her, hating that she’s lying to me. I open my mouth to admonish her, but she cuts me off.
“I didn’t sign up for this!” Lilly’s voice wavers as she raises it. Her eyes are glazed with tears as her body trembles. Leaning forward, I can feel the anger radiating off of her in waves. As though I betrayed her.
“Who did you think I was Lilly?” I ask her, my head tilting and my voice low, filled with my own anger. She’s a smart woman, she knew what she was signing up for. She had to know.
She stares at me with a look of contempt, but tears cloud her eyes. She shakes her head unable to speak. She keeps looking at the door and then back at me. I can practically hear what she’s thinking. She doesn’t want me anymore. She doesn’t want this anymore. I’m not the man in the books she reads. I’m not the poor boy whose memories of abuse are coming to front.
She thinks I’m one of them. One of the villains.
She swallows thickly and takes a step forward.
“Kneel,” I give her the command but she doesn’t obey. She stares back at me, her eyes wide and disbelieving. My heart freezes. Don’t deny me Lilly. Don’t do this. What we have is so good. It’s so right.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I want to leave!” She screams at me. My chest clenches with pain at the conviction in her voice. “The contract says that I can leave at any time.” Her voice shakes as she speaks, mirroring the trembling of her body.
I can’t let her go. I won’t.
They’ve seen her. I saw the look in Ricky’s eyes when he left.
They’d use her as a tool to get me. I take two steps closer to her and she takes two back until her back hits the wall. She staring back at me with her fists clenched and her breathing is coming in sporadically. Her eyes flash with the challenge, but they also contain fear. She’s scared of me. It fucking kills me to see that look in her eyes.
I brace my palm on the wall beside her head, leaning forward and whispering into her ear. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
The only sound I can hear is her breathing. As though it contains her hate for me in this moment. She swallows thickly before answering, “you lied to me.” The hurt in her voice is surprising. As if that’s my biggest offense. Telling her she can go and then taking it away.
I kiss her neck gently, she’s stiff and I wouldn’t attempt to kiss on her lips at this moment. I pull away from her and rest my hand against her neck, my fingers wrapping around her throat in a possessive hold. “I’ve never lied to you Lilly,” I speak softly staring at her plump lips rather than the daggers in her eyes. “The game has changed, you shouldn’t have let him see you.” I chance to look at her face, her expression is one of sadness, her eyes staring at the hardwood floors.
Again she swallows, quiet and no longer fighting me. But that’s only because she doesn’t know how to fight back yet. She will, I know she will. She has too much fight in her to give up so easily.
“You directly disobeyed me,” I say quietly; that draws her attention to me, and the sadness is once again replaced by anger. I prefer that. Because with anger there’s passion. I crave her passion.
“You need to go to your cage now.” I deliver the blow.
Her lips part and I can practically hear the words on her tongue, “yes sir.” But she snaps her lips shut, looking me straight in the eyes and refusing to obey yet again. It makes me want to smile. Her defiance, her new game move. I’ll take it; I’ll take anything she’s willing to give me.
We’re both quiet as I lead her to her room, I silently opened the cage and she gets them without a fight. That’s not to say she doesn’t have one, I can feel her disobedience rolling off of her in waves. I shut the door as I did before, not locking it. I never have and I never will.
She stares at me through the bars of the cage. A look of pure hate shining back.
But she doesn’t use her safeword and I cling to that knowledge..
Chapter 23
Lilly
I lie in my bed, naked, the cool air from the ventilation system caressing my bare skin. I’m counting the days until this is all over. Just thinking that hurts my heart, my hand moving to it and tears pricking my eyes.
It hurts to think Joseph maybe isn’t the man I thought he was. I knew he was hiding dark secrets, but this is just too dark for me. He won’t let me leave. But as soon as he deals with this mess, as he says, then I’m gone. Money or no money, contract or not. I don’t care.
It’ll all be over. I roll over, onto my side, clinging to the small, blue pillow and ignoring the pain in my chest.
At the same time, I don’t want it to end. It’s crazy. I both hate it and love it. Hate him and love him.
I blow out a frustrated breath as I think about my predicament, think about the position I am in.
It makes me want to fight him. Knowing he’s keeping me here. And I’m getting addicted to it.
But even with the urge to be belligerent, I still obey him. Only to a degree. Pushing my limits, testing him. He knows it too and that only makes me push harder. Because I want him to push me harder. The knowledge makes me lower my eyes to the beautiful white comforter.
And I still have feelings for him, even with my doubts. I can’t deny how strong they are. How could I not?
A part of me hates myself for feeling that way. But I can’t help it. I can’t snap my fingers and erase what I feel just because Joseph may have done some horrible things. We have a connection, something that I’ve never had with anyone, though it feels very strained right now. Because of me. Because his past won’t leave him alone.