She doesn’t hesitate to nod, the word slipping between her lips, “yes.” The eagerness and her response makes me smile.
“This is different from what I thought it would be,” she says softly. The way she speaks, makes it seem as though what she’s telling me is a secret.
“It is for me too.” I have to agree, this isn’t at all what I had in mind when I first laid eyes on Lilly.
I wasn’t lying when I said the games changed.
“How is it different for you?” She asks playing at the hem of her dress. I suppose I’ll have to go first before she’ll tell me what she was thinking.
“That the master-slave relationship is only for short spurts. I’m not stupid, Lilly. I don’t control you. But I don’t want to either.” I want something different from her now. More than just acceptance as her master. More than forgiveness. Although I’m not sure what.
She looks a little bit upset and hesitant. I wish she’d just forgive me. I want to put her at ease. That’s all I’ve been trying to do for the past week.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been…” Lilly’s voice trails off. “I knew you … I knew you had …” She looks away, unable to finish.
“It’s in my past. I promise you.” I just need her to believe it. I know she doesn’t want to fight me anymore. “I’m not the man I once was.” She must know it’s true. She knows me better than anyone ever has.
Her nod is small, but accepting. I can see it in her eyes that she believes me.
“Where does that leave us? Both of us thinking this was something it’s not … and you… figuring,” she waves her hand in the air, shifting in my lap.
I cup her small chin in my hand, tilting those soft lips closer to mine, “it just means that sometimes will play and sometimes we’ll just be us.”
She looks up at me and asks, “and what is that?”
I don’t know how to answer her, So I’m quiet.
“Even if we aren’t playing, you still need to treat me as though I’m your master.” Although it’s a statement, it feels as though I’m asking her a question. I feel wrong for telling her that since all this time we’ve nearly been playing scenes. But I know what she’s about to read. And I don’t want her to think any differently of me. I am her Master and it should stay that way. Regardless of what she reads. Regardless of how well she gets to know me.
“Yes, sir.”
“Hold still my flower,” I tell Lilly as her back rests against the wall. “Hands at your side,” I say as I push her palms against her thighs. She’s naked before me, finally obeying me again. It feels as though we’re playing house. Like this is all pretend. We’re ignoring what lies beyond these walls. My familia, the fact that she can’t leave. Pretending to be blind to what’s meant to keep us apart.
I get on my hands and knees, putting my face between her thighs and inhaling her sweet scent. Judging by her gasp, she didn’t expect it. I smile against her heat before taking a languid lick and pulling back to look her in the eyes..
“Ride my face, Lilly,” I tell her, noting how her eyes widened as she comprehends my words. “Take your pleasure from me. Cum freely.”
I place my hands on the inside of her knees, allowing her legs to bend slightly. She rocks helplessly into my face, hesitant at first. But I groan with approval, her hips grind harder and soft moans spill from her lips.
So long as she obeys me, I give her everything she wants. Every pleasure, every need. I just need her to obey me. I need her to stay with me.
Chapter 25
Lilly
I take a deep breath, my fingers trailing over the high quality leather of Joseph’s journal. I’m part way through reading it. I don’t know if I’m ready today for more of the bad things that I know I’ll find out while reading it, but I’m going to go through it anyways. I want to see what happened in his life. It makes me feel that much more connected to him.
A ray of sunshine hits the golden latch of the journal, reflecting a flash into my eyes.
I’m curled up in Joseph’s sunroom, reclined in a white, plush fabric recliner, soaking in the warmth of the sun. The view from here is gorgeous. The sky is a clear, azure blue, and the ground is covered with a thick layer of white snow that reflects the sunlight, filling the room with brightness.
It is lifting my mood. I’m already feeling better these past few days with the new rules Joseph has set for us. I like the idea he had about playing scenes. And I love that he’s opening up to me bit by bit. He’s adding details and writing notes to benefit my understanding of what happened. He won’t talk to me about it though; the journal is all I get. He won’t even be in the same room when I read it. Even now, he’s in the kitchen because he knows I’m reading it.
I open the journal to the last passage I stopped on and pick up where I left off. It doesn’t take long before I’m deeply engrossed in his story. Now that I know how the story ends, everything he’s written is so clear. But when I reach a passage that’s so heartbreaking, about his mother, I can’t keep the tears from falling for my eyes.
“This is hard,” I say thickly, wiping the tears from my cheek with the back of my hand.
I have to close the book. I can’t read anymore right now. I just can’t believe all the things that Joseph has gone through. I feel absolutely awful for him.
I haven’t forgotten that he’s keeping me here. That I’m a prisoner. But I wouldn’t leave if he told me to. If he commanded me. I’d refuse.
As soon as I see him, I’m going to crawl in his lap and kiss him and try to give him all the comfort that I’m capable of giving. I know he doesn’t like to be held and he doesn’t like sympathy, but I need it as much as he does.
But for now, I’ll keep playing our game and pretend like I don’t know that he’s avoiding me because I’m reading the journal. He’ll pretend he doesn’t know that it kills me to see what he’s been through. I don’t mind playing this game, because it only makes me closer to him.
I push the journal onto the ottoman and grab my laptop, wiping under my eyes and my nose as I move.
I need to relieve some serious stress. I sniffle again, opening up the laptop as I sag in the seat. Right fucking now. And there’s nothing that helps me to relieve it more than writing. It’s always been my therapy for when my emotions are heightened or I’m feeling down. It’s the perfect way to release my emotions. Joseph needs something like that. I told him that.
And he told me that’s what I am to him. My heart hurts remembering his words.
I open on my laptop screen, my mind overflowing with ideas to use for the story. It should be easy. I have so much material to work with. So many emotions to play off of.
I’m about to turn over to the Word document screen, when a email notification pops up on my screen.
From: Aida White
To: Lilly Wade
Subject: MY BABY IS GONE
Lilly
My hands are shaking as I type these words. I don’t know who to talk to, but I need to talk to someone. I haven’t stopped crying since this morning. My baby is gone. I can’t believe it. How I wish I would have turned my life around sooner. If only he would’ve waited just a little while longer and mommy would have been there for him. I feel like such a worthless piece of shit. I bet that’s what you think of me. And you’re not wrong.