“Are you fucking kidding me?”
He jolted up, cocking his head to the side. His eyes followed my glare that was solely focused on the orange bottle.
Mocking me.
“No, no, no ... Junie, it ain’t what you think.”
I backed away from him and took off running.
I was over his bullshit lies and broken promises.
Chapter 25
“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.”
-Jim Morrison
<>Journey<>
“Journey!” He chased after me. “Let me explain!”
“Fuck you!” I seethed, darting around the room trying to find my purse.
Where did I leave my bag? I can’t remember. Think Journey! Where the hell is your bag?
I whipped around, placing my hands out in front of me. Halting his descent.
“Did you move my stuff?”
“What?” He shook his head, narrowing his eyes at me. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t tell me what to do!”
“No shit! You never fuckin’ listen!”
“Where’s my stuff?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t move it!”
“What?”
“Junie, what the fuck?”
“Oh my God.” My eyes widened. “Where’s my stuff?”
“Babe, calm down. We’ll find it.”
“Shut up! I can’t remember where I left it!”
“Junie, relax.”
I took a step back. “Get away from me. You’re nothing but a fucking liar! I saw you! What else have you been doing behind my back? Huh?” I stomped my foot. “What other drugs are you taking? I thought it was just liquor! Come to find out you’re a pill popper too?”
“That ain’t true. You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand alright. I understand everything now! You want to know when an addict is lying? Their lips are moving!”
I spun around and opened the door, and he forcefully shut it in front of me. I wasn’t a violent person. However, I snapped. Crudely, I turned and went for him.
“Junie—”
“Junie! Junie! Junie!” I pushed him. “I’m sick of that fucking name!” I shoved him. “Junie! Junie! Junie!” I pushed and shoved and pushed some more. “I love you. Let me lie to you more! Manipulate you! Tell you what you want to hear!”
“Journey, stop!”
He tried to grab my arms, so I kicked him in the balls. Instantly, causing him to fall to his knees in pain.
“I learned that from your best friend. Oh wait, she’s not your best friend anymore because you fucked her over too!”
“Journ—”
I slammed the door behind me.
It was my turn...
To run away.
<>Cash<>
“Motherfucker!” I roared, throwing the bottle of pills in my hand.
It shattered against the wall, sending them flying in every direction.
Blue.
White.
Yellow.
Green
A stream of colors and prescriptions scattered in the penthouse I’d rented just for her.
I wanted to drink, I needed to drink, hating myself for craving it. Instead, I tore through the suite like a fuckin’ tornado, destroying everything in my path.
Pulling the art off the walls.
Flipping the tables over.
Throwing the goddamn vases and decorative pillows.
Spinning faster and faster, I blew the penthouse up.
“Motherfucker!” I repeated, allowing the rage to take over my mind and body.
Furious.
Held captive.
My demons tearing at my skin.
I spiraled, remembering the last time I was this out of control. The night Harley told me she was pregnant I reacted the same way. I couldn’t see straight.
Mind racing.
Heart breaking.
Soul fuckin’ shattering.
Until I tripped on something, falling face-first onto the tile floor.
“Son of a bitch!” I hit my head on the stone, making me see stars. Shaking it off, I looked back at what I stumbled upon.
Journey’s backpack.
I stared at it as if it was a sign from God.
“Then what’s in there?”
“My whole world.”
Before I knew what was happening, my hands were reaching for it. Blood began to drip into my eye, bringing on the realization I’d split my forehead open. I simply wiped it away like it was nothing. Too consumed with the lifeline in my tight grasp.
I opened her bag, going straight for her journals that would help me get her back. I needed to know what to do to make it better.
To make us better.
Gripping the bottom of the bag, I dumped all the contents onto the floor. Shocked at the stuff that poured out of what she considered her whole world. The first thing to grab my attention was the backstage pass I gave her at Rockfest all those years ago.
I blinked and the memory was playing out in front of me.
“This is my first concert, Cash! It’s so cool! Can I go backstage with you? Daddy says I’m like a lucky charm, so I’ll bring you lots and lots of luck.” She placed her hands in a prayer gesture, bouncing up and down. “Please ... please... I promise to be a good girl.”
“You’re always a good girl,” I spoke the truth, earning me a toothless smile. I pulled out one of my backstage passes from my back pocket and handed it to her.
She gasped. “Really?!”
“First one I’m handin’ out.”
“Like ever, ever?”
“Like ever, ever.”
“Oh my gosh, Cash! I will keep it forever and ever, and ever!” she excitingly gleamed. “Will you sign it for me?”
“Of course, darlin’.”
I was blown away that she considered this one of her prized possessions. A fuckin’ lanyard.
Out of the corner of my eye, my hypnotized stare shifted to the picture of what looked like a hospital room. I reached for it next, bringing it eye level.
“Oh, Junie...” I whimpered, seeing her as a baby in Jackson’s arms.
Journey couldn’t have been more than a month old. They were in their biological mother’s hospital room. I recognized it from visiting a few times with my family. Jackson was holding Journey while Jagger was on the other side of their mom who was in the middle, laying in between them.
I hadn’t seen a photo of their mother, Bailey, since I was a child. The emotions evoked from this one image alone were breathing life into me. Tears started forming in my eyes, knowing why Journey kept this. Despite her telling me she hated her biological mother, carrying this around with her only proved how much she loved Bailey.
I wiped away the tears with my forearm, feeling so many fuckin’ things. It was as overwhelming as everything had been with Journey. My heart hurt for her. It yearned to hold her and tell her how much I loved her.
What I saw next only intensified my desire to be with her.
Bailey’s obituary folded up in an envelope.
Chapter 26
“The past is a great place, and I don’t want to erase it or to regret it. I don’t want to be its prisoner either.”