“And if she doesn’t come back?”
“Then she doesn’t come back. It’s something you’ll have to live with,” she said.
I pushed to my feet again. Aggravation coursing through my veins. I swear Dr. Evil liked to fuck with me on purpose. She got some sort of sick sense of accomplishment out of torturing me. I stared out the window at the lush grass area below. The trees were moving in the breeze and purple and pink blooms lined the walkway leading to the facility.
“That’s shitty advice. It’s something I have to live with. Way to throw in the towel, doc.”
She chuckled. “I’m not suggesting you throw in the towel. If you love her, you’ll give her this time. I know it’s painful, but you have to remember why you’re in this situation and accept the consequences that have followed your actions. She was left for hours on that hotel floor. I’m sure she’s questioning a lot of things. It could have ended very differently. The situation has forced her to look at her own mortality. Question her decisions and choices.” She leaned back in her chair and her glasses rested on top of her head as she studied me.
“Her decision to be with me?” I said, knowing exactly what she meant.
“Yes. Do you think that’s unfair?”
“No. I just wish I could change what happened.” I let out a long breath that I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding.
“You can’t change the past, but you can change what you do moving forward. And that’s what you’re doing now. But spending two weeks in a program does not make you reformed, Cruz. She needs to see it, and it’s going to take time. So, instead of trying to convince her to take you back right now, because that’s what you want…focus on being the best you can be. For you and for her.”
“Fucking fine.” What the fuck choice did I have? I ran my fingers over the new tat on my forearm. I’d permanently inked the nail marks that Jade left on my skin. It was a perfect reminder of why I could never go back to that lifestyle. Rock bottom was a dark, lonely place, and I wasn’t going back.
She smiled. Which didn’t happen often. Probably because she enjoyed seeing me suffer. Like I said, Dr. Evil. But unfortunately, she’d proven otherwise so far.
“Good, Cruz. Where do you want to start? What areas of your life do you want to focus on?”
“Well, I’m sober. That’s one. And it fucking sucks because I have to feel all this shit. So, I should get some extra credit for that one,” I said, with a laugh. “I’ve been writing a lot. Working on some lyrics. And I was online this morning finding the last two classes that I need to graduate. If I start my courses when I get out of here, I could graduate in December. And I found out I can actually walk at the grad ceremony at Northwestern because I completed the majority of my coursework there.”
“Good, Cruz. I think receiving your diploma and attending the ceremony would give you a sense of accomplishment,” she said.
“I never cared about that shit before, but graduating has been more of a challenge than I expected, so yeah, I don’t mind taking a minute to celebrate it.”
“Okay… you’ve got yourself some solid goals. This is a good start. Focus on you, and the rest will come.”
“Alright. My brother is on his way, so I better head back to my room.”
“Same time tomorrow?” she asked, pushing to her feet.
“Yep,” I said, because fuck if I had a choice, but I would keep that to myself. I stepped into the hallway and made my way down to my room.
This place was nice, and I was fortunate that I had the resources to be here. The label had agreed to give the band a thirty-day reprieve from touring. We’d been dealing with a shit ton of drama since Dex left the band and Zach took his place. Dex had given multiple interviews about why he’d left, as if he’d had a choice. He’d claimed that there just wasn’t enough talent in our group, and he chose to walk away. Fucking Dex. He failed to mention that he’d hit my girlfriend and left her for dead on the floor when he fled the scene. I fucking hated him. We didn’t comment on his departure because I wanted to keep what happened with Jade out of the media. So, it was a good idea for Exiled to lie low right now. And being in this place—it allowed me to catch my breath. There was no press. No fans. No expectations. Aside from the ones I currently had for myself. And getting healthy and getting Jade back was all I cared about.
“Hey, douchebag,” Lennon said when I got to my room.
I laughed. I missed him. Hadn’t seen him in a few weeks. He looked good. The irony was not lost on me. Lennon was visiting me in rehab. I was now the one who had the problem. Never in a million years would I have thought our roles could be reversed. It was important for me to remember just how easy it had been to lose myself.
“What’s up. Thanks for coming out. You here for a few hours?” I asked, dropping to sit on the bed when Lennon sat in the chair across from me.
“Yeah, I’m here until tonight.”
“How’s Bailey?” I asked.
“She’s fucking fantastic.” He laughed.
I rolled my eyes. My brother was one whipped motherfucker. And I couldn’t be happier for him.
“Good. How’s Zach doing at rehearsals?”
“Dude, it’s so much better. You’re going to be a lot happier. The vibe is just different with Dex gone. There’s no tension. We should have dumped his ass a long time ago,” Lennon said.
“Well, the goal was for me to leave. And obviously now that’s not happening, but it was well worth the trade off. I couldn’t let that fucker get away with what he did to Jade. No fucking way. And she and I aren’t together right now anyway, so staying in the band a little longer isn’t the end of the world.”
He tilted his head to the side. “So, what’s going on with you two? I sent her a text and just told her to be safe in Honduras. I didn’t know exactly where you guys stood, but I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. I’m still fucking pissed about what happened to her.”
I pushed to my feet and paced the length of the small room. “I know. I fucking hate Dex. But I fucked up too, and now I have to just hope she’ll forgive me eventually. She won’t let me text her more than once a week, but she told me she loved me when I saw her at the airport, and when we were texting, so I guess there’s hope.”
He laughed. “Of course, there’s hope. That girl loves your dumb ass. We all know it. But what happened to her was really bad, dude. It’s going to take some time, which is good.”
“Why is it good?” I narrowed my gaze at him.
“Because it gives you time to pull your shit together.”