I sparred for the next fifteen minutes with Gio shouting out tips from beside the ring. We’d been matched well, and we each took the other down a few times.
We pounded fists at the end. The dude I sparred with studied me. His name was Simon and he was a big deal around the gym. “Nice work. You new?”
“I’ve been at it a few weeks, yeah.”
“Fuck,” he said with a laugh, and raised a brow at his trainer who stood beside Gio. “I’ve been at it for years. I’m probably the best fighter in this gym.”
“You are the best fighter in this gym,” his trainer interrupted with a chuckle.
“I’m not so sure, brother. This guy just held his own against me. I wasn’t holding anything back.” He nodded at me before climbing out of the ring.
It felt good to be focused on something. Working at something. Not controlled by booze and pills and all the other bullshit. Not a slave to something that was destroying my life. I hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten until I’d stepped away. That’s the thing about addiction. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I rubbed the pad of my thumb over Jade’s fingernail marks on my forearm.
Always a reminder.
I guess in a way I was like Gio. My ink told a story too. Of a place I’d been and would never return.
“Nice job, buddy.” Gio clapped my shoulder and we walked over to the mats.
“Thanks.”
“How’d you like sparring?”
“It was cool. You have to be alert and on your game, that’s for damn sure,” I said, wiping my face with a towel.
“No kidding. But you’ve got natural talent. If you ever want to quit the band, you could fight for a living.” He smirked.
“Nah, I like working out with you, and I don’t mind sparring at all. But I like that I do it as an outlet, not as another thing I have to do. That’s why I don’t work out with the guys. This is something just for me and I don’t want to share it with anyone.”
I realized in that moment that so much of my life was shared. My private life had been splashed all over the tabloids and social media. Everyone knew I’d gone to rehab, and hell, I didn’t give a shit. But at some point, I needed something that was just mine. What Jade and I shared—it was just ours. Sure, our relationship had been scrutinized, but she’d remained very private, and she’d always protected what we had. I hadn’t realized the importance of that until now. Now that there was a gaping hole in my life that I couldn’t fill.
“I get that, man. Good for you. That’s how it should be.” Gio handed me a bottle of water, and I downed it in one swig.
“Are you meeting the guys now?” I asked.
“Yeah. They don’t last as long as you, so I’ll be lucky to have them for an hour.” He crossed his arms over his chest and chuckled.
“Alright. I’ll catch you tomorrow,” I said, and we pounded fists.
I headed back to my place and grabbed a shower. It was nice having our home base back in Chicago versus the tour bus. We didn’t have long stints at home, but I’d take what I could get. We were heading out for a two-week tour of back-to-back shows. We’d agreed to a European tour in the fall, but it was half the shows we’d played last year, so it would be easier to manage. And I’d allow myself time to adapt to the time change, instead of finding ways to sleep when my body wasn’t ready to. I’d learned a lot from Dr. Roberts, and we still Skyped three days a week. Leaving rehab to go on tour was not the path most doctors would recommend, but she was working with me to make this work. The truth was, Lennon didn’t drink, and Adam rarely drank. But it hadn’t bothered me to be around booze, which surprised everyone. I don’t believe I was physically dependent on alcohol, but I believe I used alcohol to cope with the areas in my life that I didn’t want to deal with. And though I didn’t crave alcohol, it was something that I’d always have to watch when faced with things that made me uncomfortable.
I pulled up in front of the coffee shop and jogged inside.
Jack Moore pushed to his feet and gave me that manly half-dude-hug. He patted me on the back before we both slipped into the booth across from one another. The man supported me far more than my own father ever had.
“You’re looking good, Cruz,” he said.
We’d formed a friendship when Jade and I were dating, and it hadn’t stopped after she and I broke up. After I’d left his daughter on the floor unconscious, he hadn’t turned his back on me. He’d forgiven me, but as he reminded me many times—he’d never forget. Neither would I. And I’d forever be indebted to him. Not only for being the father of the only girl I’d ever loved, but for stepping up and taking on a fatherly role when I needed it most.
I’d asked to meet with him right before Jade left for Honduras. I wanted to apologize to him for the role I’d played in her accident and tell him that I was going to rehab. At first, he’d been cold and distant. Hell, I’d expected nothing less. Disappointing Jack was almost as bad as disappointing Jade. They were just—good people. I hated letting them down. But he’d appreciated me owning what had happened and seeking help for my addiction. Hell, by the end of our meeting, he’d been the one to give me her flight info so that I could see her before she left for three months.
“Thanks, I feel good.”
The waitress approached our table and we both placed our orders.
“You look like you’re all muscle. You still doing that MMA training?”
“Yep, working with a trainer five days a week. It’s nice having an outlet that demands me to be coherent.” I winked before pouring three packets of sugar in my black coffee.
“Jesus. Do you have enough sugar in there?” He shook his head with disbelief.
“Hot and sweet, just like I like my women,” I said with a smirk.
“I don’t need to know how hot you think my daughter is. But I agree, she’s pretty damn sweet,” he said with a laugh.
“Yep. She’s the best.”
“So, what’s happening there? She told me you text her every week.”
“She only lets me text her once a week,” I said.
“Ah, Jade does like her rules. Just stay the course. Time has a way of healing.”
“I hope you’re right. I think there’s some dude there that’s into her. I fucking hate him,” I said, taking a bite of my blueberry muffin.
Jack’s laugh turned into a cough and he paused to drink his water. “I don’t think it’s anything serious.”
She told her father about this guy? Maybe it was more serious than I thought. I didn’t want to put Jack in an uncomfortable situation, as he was Jade’s father, so I wouldn’t grill him. Though it took everything in me not to pelt him with a multitude of questions.