“I can’t believe you came,” she whispered.
“Did you really doubt I’d show up?”
“Yes. I told you I had a date,” she said, tilting her head back to look up at me.
“Ah, yes. Where is Dick?”
“Well.” She fiddled with the ring that she still wore on a chain around her neck. “I don’t think that’s going to work out.”
“You don’t say.”
“I do say.” She forced a smile.
“You’re not dating him anymore?”
“I think saying we were dating is a bit of a stretch.”
“So how serious was it?”
“It was a lot more serious in your head, than it actually ever was.”
“And why is that?” I said, my tone teasing.
“Maybe I wanted you to think it was more. Just to keep you at arm’s length. But I really did want to try to date him. I thought it would help me get over you. But I just couldn’t do it.”
“Ah, so you were trying to make me jealous?”
“No. You did that on your own,” she said, and I chuckled.
“Well, I hate Dick.”
“You don’t even know him.” She hugged me tighter.
“I don’t need to.”
“I think I should be by myself right now. Focus on school and my interviews.”
“I get that.” Jade was so determined to be strong, and get through things on her own, and right now I needed to let her figure it out.
“How about you? Have you dated at all?”
“Nope.”
“How come?”
“Been there done that,” I said, tracing my finger along the lines of her face. Her cheeks, her nose, her eyes.
“You don’t want to play the field a little? There’s no guarantee that we’re going to get back together.”
Who was she trying to convince? Me or her?
“I’ll take my chances.”
“I love you, Cruz. Even if we can’t be together right now,” she whispered.
“I know you do. I love you more.”
We both dozed off, and when my alarm went off in the morning, I kissed the top of Jade’s head before shifting her onto the pillow so I could get up.
“Hey,” she said, peeking one eye open and watching me.
“Hey. I have to get going. We head out on the European tour today. You going to be okay?”
She propped up on one elbow. The sun was just coming up, and orange and pink hues illuminated her pretty face. Her eyes were puffy, her lips were chapped, and she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Always had been.
“Yeah, of course. Thanks for coming.”
I dropped to sit beside her on the edge of the bed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll always be here for you.”
I pushed to stand, and she reached for my hand. “Hey. I’m ready to show you those lyrics I wrote. They were written for you, really. I wasn’t ready to show you before, but I am now. I’ll email them to you soon, okay?”
“Can’t wait to see what’s going on in there,” I said with a laugh and kissed her forehead.
When I got to the door, I turned back to look at her. “Love you.”
“Love you, more,” she whispered.
Chapter Thirteen
Jade
“She comes out from her cave,” Ari said, as I made my way into the kitchen.
“Yeah. I feel better today.”
“I’ll bet you do.” She wriggled her brows at me.
“Please. Nothing happened. It was sweet of him to come, huh?”
Ari hopped up to sit on the counter. “Sure was. But he always shows up, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He does,” I said quietly.
“What are you so afraid of? Why can’t you forgive him?”
“I do forgive him. I’m just being cautious. I want to make sure he doesn’t get caught back up in that whole rock star lifestyle, you know?”
“I get that you want to protect your heart, I really do. But he went to rehab, it’s been almost six months. He’s on tour and he’s keeping it all together and still making you his priority.”
“Damn, he’s even charmed you I see,” I said, pouring us each a cup of coffee, and handing her the mug that said, Good Morning, Asshole.
She laughed. “Ah, my favorite saying ever. He didn’t charm me, just calling it as I see it. When everything went down last year, I was so pissed at him, trust me. But he beat himself up over what happened, and he actually did something about it. And he’s proved himself over and over. On top of that, let’s call a spade a spade. You’re miserable without him.”
“Yeah, but I know how caught up I get when I’m with him. I’m so afraid to cross the line and get hurt again. I don’t think I could take it a second time around. I have so much going on with school and research and interviews. There’s no room for drama. And Cruz’s lifestyle, well, it’s not an easy one.”
“No one ever said love was easy, kid.” Ari cocked her head to the side, her blonde shoulder-length hair bounced around and she laughed.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Life’s messy. We all have our fair share of drama. But I promise you, you’re going to miss out if you hide from everything good, just because you’re afraid of getting hurt,” she said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to study psychology? You’ve got a gift.”
“Nah, the classes are too hard. I wouldn’t have any me-time,” she said after we dropped our mugs in the sink and walked out the door, making our way to class.
I thought about what she said. I hated that I was afraid to go all in with Cruz again. And that’s what it really came down to—fear. And I didn’t know how to get past it.
I had my Northwestern interview today, and I was ready with an hour to spare. Not a lot of sleeping goes on the night before a medical school interview. I slipped into my black suit and glanced in the mirror letting out a long breath. I dropped down at my desk and pulled out Mom’s journal and opened to today’s date.
November 5th
Dear Journal,
The network talked to me about increasing my hours. I really feel like I’m making a name for myself. I want to get hired on here after I graduate, so I’m going to just keep my head down and work hard. Jack and I are better than ever. He’s stopped going out after work so much. I think he’s trying to impress the older guys at the firehouse. But he’s finding balance, and I can’t ask for more than that.