I turn the TV on and flick straight to the news. The weather forecast comes on after a few minutes. Worst snow they’ve seen in England in four years. Great. Fucking great.
I’m only slightly aware of Nathan kneeling beside me and peeling my trousers off. I’m in too much pain to care. I feel drunk.
“You don’t need to push do you?” He asks me, after I stop screaming through another brutal contraction, whilst pulling a loose pair of shorts up my legs.
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.” But the pressure is there. “Is anybody coming?”
“They’re all trying.” His hand works at my back but it’s just annoying me now. I bat it away and push him onto the couch.
With my arse on the exercise ball, I cross my arms on his knees and try to relax as his fingers rub the back of my neck and along my spine. “It hurts. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“You’re doing great,” he reassures me and runs his fingers through my hair. “Honestly, you’re being so brave right now. I’m sorry we’re stuck here.”
“Not your fault.” My hands squeeze his thighs as it builds and builds before peaking and finally unleashing. “I’m scared. What if…”
Nathan places a hand over my mouth. “Don’t. I’m barely holding it together here. Please don’t put things in my mind that aren’t there right now. We’ll get through this.”
“But I don’t want you to deliver my baby.” Tears flow from my eyes, my tired body sagging onto his lap.
“It’s not on my bucket list either,” he jokes and wipes at my tears with his thumbs. “It’s going to be okay.”
“AH!” I scream and clench my fingers around his thighs. “We should prepare, if it’s…” Holy fuck.
“Good idea.” Nathan nods and lifts me from him, replacing my head and arms on the couch moments later. “I’ll be a second.”
“I’m going to resurrect your brother,” I pant through my ragged breathing. “And then I’m going to kill him again.”
Nathan chuckles and drags my overnight bag towards me. “I’ll help you.”
“Great. We need towels or something.”
“Hot water?”
I shake my head. “No. Just towels, old ones because they’ll…” Ouch, ooowie, ouch. “Fuck.” I wince at my own swear word and immediately apologize. “Load a video on YouTube or something! Don’t just stand there.”
“Right.” And he’s gone again.
This sucks. This really… oh thank god. Jeanine is here!
I hug her when she gets close and hold her tight for a while, almost breaking her neck as my belly contracts. “Nathan!” She shouts and Nathan looks as relieved to see her as I do. “I need to change and wash my hands. Stay with her. I’ll deal with this.”
Nathan does as he’s told but not before asking, “How did you get here?”
“With difficulty, it’s about two foot deep out there. I had to put bin bags over my trousers to keep the wet out.”
“That’s all well and good, but I’ve got a melon in me wanting to get out. Can we please share survival stories later?” I pant.
Jeanine vanishes for a few minutes. I vaguely hear the taps running and quick footsteps before she returns.
“Move her, I’m going to grab these pillows.” I’m not sure what they do. All I know is one minute I’m on the ball and the next I’m leaning back against Nathan’s open legs and my shorts are off.
The pain radiates throughout my body before focusing on one spot. The pressure is unbearable.
They keep talking to me, keep saying things, but I can’t hear them. I can’t focus on them. The pain is too much.
“Need to push,” I grit out and I’m moved again. My back is against something soft and the couch cushions have been placed on the ground. It’s comfier than I was.
I can hear screaming, I can hear growling and cursing. After a moment I realise it’s coming from me. All sense of time has gone. I have no idea how long this pain has been going on, all I know is I want it to stop.
Fortunately my body seems to know what it’s doing and pushing with it brings me a small amount of relief. The pressure is unbearable, it’s burning so bad. I want to escape it, I can’t keep my legs still.
Nathan is holding one up to my chest I think. I can see him but I can’t focus on anything. Everything that’s happening is going through my eyes and not registering as reality.
So much pain.
It’s stretching, it’s burning. “He’s crowning,” I hear Jeanine say excitedly. “Come on, Gwen, you’re doing brilliant.”
Nathan kisses my temple and holds my hand. His words are encouraging and the tone they’re delivered with is full of fear and excitement.
He’s crowning. It’s almost over.
Another pop seems to happen and I feel more water flood from between my legs.
“Bloody hell,” Nathan blurts in my ear. “The head’s out.”
Jeanine squeals with delight and orders me to push as soon as I feel the need to. Well… it’s not like I had other plans.
It seems like forever before I hear it, that beautiful cry that could pierce a fragile ear drum. Something is dropped onto my chest and my attention focuses on him.
“Well, he’s definitely a boy,” Nathan laughs and rests his chin on my shoulder.
He’s perfect, so damn perfect. His damp and gooey head holds a thick layer of dark hair. My hair.
His face is all Caleb, the shape of the eyes, the pouty lips and the nose. It breaks my heart and fixes it all at the same time.
“Well done,” Jeanine sniffs and dabs at her eyes with a hankie. “You did so well.”
“Why won’t he stop crying?” I ask, my tiredness showing in the sluggishness of my voice.
“He’s hungry,” Jeanine chuckles and begins wiping him down with a towel. “Leave the cord attached until the ambulance gets here. It’s better not to mess with that.” I didn’t even notice.
He’s hungry? Oh god…
There’s a loud knock at the door a few second later. Good timing. Jeanine stands. I don’t think Nathan wants to move right now. I don’t want him to move right now.
Two paramedics walk in a few moments later and I’m relieved to see my doctor with them.
“Doctor Meadow.” Nathan gives him a polite nod.
The older man with slightly greying hair kneels down and holds out his hands. “May I?”
I nod and hand him the baby boy that I still can’t believe is mine. He places him on a white blanket that covers some kind of device that looks like a large set of kitchen scales. “Eight thirteen,” he says and one of the paramedics scribbles it down. He clears the baby’s nose and mouth and pushes on certain parts of his body with his hands. I watch him take his temperature and check his vitals before cutting the cord and handing him to Nathan.
Nathan had no time to say no and now has my son in his arms. He stares down at him looking frightened and full of wonder, like a rabbit caught in headlights. I don’t think he’s noticed that the baby is gunky and naked and it’s rubbing off on his bare arms.