“Make yourself comfortable,” he said, forcing his words to stay light. “I’m going to grab supper. I’ll be up later.”
Chapter 10
Sapphire’s chest clenched as Sir Matthias turned from her and left the room. Closing her eyes, she cursed herself for trapping him and cursed her grandfather for making her desperate enough to do it.
Sir Matthias deserved so much better than what she could give him.
Sapphire sucked in a deep breath and focused her attention on the small room. Her dressing chamber was larger, but it lacked the easy comfort. Studying the tapestry on the wall, she guessed a member of Sir Matthias’s large family made it, just as the small knickknacks on his desk appeared to be gifts.
Folding back the bedding, she found a handmade quilt nestled under the standard-issue bedspread. Sapphire trailed a finger over the beautifully stitched quilt. Love radiated from it.
She’d been loved like that once, then she’d lost her father.
Sapphire drew several deep, steadying breaths. What was done was done. She needed Sir Matthias, and she prayed what she offered in return would be worth the sacrifice he’d made.
Time would tell, and in the meantime, she needed to make a good impression on his family. To do that, she needed sleep.
While his bed was less than half the size of hers, the sanctity of the church surrounded her. Her grandfather would need more than Lord Bartley or a few hired thugs to reach her here. That knowledge alone promised a better night’s sleep than she’d had since her mother’s death.
But she would not get any sleep in her walking dress.
Opening Matthias’s wardrobe, Sapphire smiled at the row of neatly pressed uniforms. No wonder she’d never seen him in anything else. She poked around and found a soft tunic buried near the back.
Not exactly proper nightclothes, but better than her starched dress and stays.
Sapphire tried to reach around and undo the line of buttons down the back of her gown. She’d need to be a contortionist to reach them, and her lady’s maid was not coming to her rescue. She considered asking one of the female squires she’d encountered, but decided against it. No need to embarrass herself or Sir Matthias.
The other Knights of Valor would discover soon enough that he’d married, and by then, they’d be sleeping at her home. Most likely in separate rooms, as her parents had.
Sadness tugged at her, and she trailed a finger over the quilt.
He deserved so much better.
Slipping off her boots, Sapphire then eased down her petticoats and stockings. The cool air tickled her legs and whispered over her thighs. She shivered, more at how scandalous she felt than because of the temperature.
Sir Matthias was her husband, she reminded herself, and he could demand she remove a lot more than her stockings. Her stomach clenched, and she reminded herself he wouldn’t take more than she was willing to give. Wouldn’t force her. Not like the stories she’d been told.
At least, she doubted he would. He wasn’t that type of man. It was one of the reasons she’d chosen him.
The thought comforted her, and her breathing quieted.
Sapphire unpinned her hair, but she had no brush to comb it out with, so she left it and climbed into the small bed.
Despite how tired she was, sleep eluded her, and she was still wide awake when Sir Matthias returned with a tray of food.
Matthias glanced at the pile of ladies’ underthings, then at his shirt laid over the chair. Sapphire sat up and brushed the hair from her face.
“I couldn’t undo the buttons.” She pointed to the back of her gown.
“I’ll help you.”
She scooted to the edge of his bed and presented her back to him.
Matthias squinted at the tiny pearl buttons. “Maybe I’ll help you.”
He gently slid each pearl through its buttonhole. It was painstaking work, and his fingers slipped more than once, stroking across the silk of her chemise.
Her skin was warm and smooth through the delicate fabric. He itched to touch her, to explore the soft expanse of her creamy skin. To feel her bare flesh against his fingers.
Desire punched him, and he tried to hurry, but then it seemed like the pearls were even smaller and more difficult to free.
Sapphire inhaled at his touch, and a shiver slid down her back.
It cooled his desire, and he eventually undid the last button. He then unlaced her stays.
She gripped her dress to keep it up and never raised her gaze to meet his.
Matthias handed her his shirt, then stepped out of his room.
He counted to one hundred, rehearsed the speech he would give at the Festival of Light, and reminded himself of the few points he needed to clarify with High Knight Freya before the speech. Particularly the questions that would arise about expanding the current trade deal with Qumaref. He needed to know how to answer them.
As duty filled his thoughts, his heartbeat slowed, and the quiet contentment of serving Dracor filled him. Taking a deep breath, he walked back into his room and found Sapphire’s gown draped over his chair as she huddled in the far corner of his bed and all but pressed herself to the wall.
Frustration and sadness slapped him. She wanted nothing to do with him. He almost regretted marrying her.
Almost.
He let out his breath and grabbed a fresh uniform. As he opened the door, she turned to face him.
“Where are you going?” Sapphire asked.
“Down to sleep with the new recruits.”
“But this is your room. And it’s supposed to be your wedding night…”
He closed the door. “Our wedding night.”
Her ebony hair tumbled over the collar of his shirt, that even buttoned all the way up, still exposed expanses of her soft skin. Her eyes were wide, and her lips slightly parted.
He wanted to kiss his wife senseless and show her all the pleasure that could be between them, but he would never take what she wasn’t willing to give. It would be easier for them both if he slept elsewhere.
“There’s enough room for two. Barely.”
“That’s not what you want.”
“What I want is no questions about the veracity of our marriage.”
Letting out his breath, Matthias silently cursed Lord Carsons and this entire impossible situation. But he’d agreed to it, and now he had to endure it.
Tossing her clothes onto his desk, Matthias sat on the chair and tugged off his boots. She turned back toward the wall as he stripped down to his braies, then climbed into bed.
She tensed beside him.
While he reminded himself fear fueled her reaction rather than an outright rejection of him, her response still stung. Sapphire was his wife, and he wanted to treat her as such, wanted to show her how much could be between them, but he had to take things slowly.
“Can I hold you?” Matthias asked. Sapphire turned toward him, and he opened his arms to her. “I’m warmer than a stone wall.”
She eased toward him, and he slid his arms around her and held her close.
A soft sigh escaped her as she pillowed her head on his chest. “You’re much warmer, but not much softer.”
He stroked her hair. No, it wasn’t the wedding night he’d imagined, but at least she was safe and with him. “I’ll protect you, Sapphire. Get some sleep.”