“Why not? You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. You didn’t ask to get snatched. You didn’t ask to be beaten and buried alive. But you were. And now you have to deal with the aftermath. I know you don’t feel like it, but you’re amazing. I don’t know many people who would’ve had the mental fortitude to do what you did. You didn’t give up. You figured out a way to survive and didn’t sit back waiting to be rescued. You would’ve dug yourself out if we hadn’t come along. Being scared of the dark isn’t a weakness, Avery. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Not at all.”
“It’s stupid,” she protested. “I know I’m not in Afghanistan. I’m here in my own home.”
“The brain works in weird ways,” Rex told her. “It allows us to function in situations where we shouldn’t be able to, but then it has a nasty habit of not wanting to let those situations go.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment or two, then said, “I’m so pissed, Cole.”
“About what?”
“About it all. At whoever it was who decided money was more important than human lives and told the insurgents about the weapons convoy. Mad that Afghani man thought it was okay to kidnap and torture me. Pissed that the insurgents thought it was fun to hit me then bury me alive. Angry at myself that I can’t shake this weakness and go back to normal.”
“It’s not a weakness,” Rex said.
“It is!” Avery insisted. “I can’t sleep. I can’t function normally. I’m going crazy!”
“You slept in the dark after we rescued you. What’s changed?” Rex asked. He felt her stiffen against him and realized he’d asked exactly the right question. “Talk to me,” he begged. “Did something happen when you got home? Are you having nightmares that’s bringing it all back? Why can’t you sleep now when you could before you got here?”
He didn’t think she was going to answer him. It was at least three full minutes before he felt her take a deep breath.
“Because before, you were there with me…and I felt safe.”
Goose bumps broke out on his arms at her response. He’d never had this problem before. Never felt his skin prickle spontaneously when he’d been with anyone else. But Avery had a way of cutting straight to his heart, of making him feel raw.
His arms tightened around her, and he turned his head to kiss her forehead. He knew she didn’t like admitting that to him, but it changed everything between them. Everything.
“I shouldn’t have called you,” Avery said when he didn’t respond to her admission right away.
Rex tightened his hold on her. “Yes, you absolutely should’ve,” he said firmly. “In fact, you should’ve said something way before now.”
“I…I don’t like being weak,” Avery admitted.
Rex couldn’t help it. He laughed. “Weak?” he asked in an astonished tone. “Avery, you’re the strongest person I know. Asking for what you need isn’t weak. In fact, it’s way harder sometimes than staying silent. I’m honored that I can do this for you. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me sooner. But I’m here now. We’ll figure this out, and I promise you that things will get better. Day by day, or rather, night by night. It doesn’t matter if we have to sleep with all the lights on for the rest of our lives, we’ll do whatever you need to feel safe. Okay?”
“We?”
“Yeah, baby. We. Now close your eyes and sleep.”
“You’re staying?” she asked, picking up her head to look him in the eyes.
“Of course I’m staying,” he said firmly. “As long as you need me to. Now, shut up and go to sleep already, yeah?” he told her in a teasing tone.
She huffed out a breath, but lay back down against him. She was silent a moment or two, then said, “Thank you, Cole. I know you said this doesn’t make me weak, but saying it doesn’t make the feeling go away.”
“I know, and that’s okay. I can be strong for both of us.”
“You can’t sleep with me forever,” she told him.
Rex wanted to protest immediately. Tell her that he damn well could, and would, but now wasn’t the time. “I can for now. Eventually, you’ll get to the point where you don’t need me in order to sleep, but right now, and for the immediate future, I’m staying.”
“Thanks,” she whispered.
Rex felt her muscles completely relax for the first time, and he knew without a doubt he was right where he needed to be. By her side. Supporting and encouraging her. She would get over this, he knew it. Everything was still too fresh in her mind for her brain to completely shut down and let her relax. Once the traitor was caught and things went back to normal, she’d be back to normal. Right now, she was running on little sleep, the stress of going back to work, and the additional strain of trying to recognize the man she saw in the village.
Within five minutes, Avery had fallen asleep against him. She was dead weight along his body and he could feel the warm puffs of air from her mouth against his neck. In some ways, it felt like he’d slept with her just like this for years, and in other ways, it was as new and exciting.
And feeling her against him made him think about other things, as well. About how she would feel in his arms if they were both naked. How it would feel to make love to her.
Thinking about loving Avery made his dick stir in his jeans. He was still fully clothed and glad for it right this moment. There was no doubt Rex wanted her, but he wanted it to be her decision. Wanted her to need him as much as he needed her. They weren’t there yet, but they had time. He could be there for her like this, platonically, as long as she needed him. It would be his honor and privilege.
Kissing her on the forehead once more, Rex closed his eyes. He could see the bright light of the room even through his eyelids, but it didn’t bother him. He made a mental note to make sure she had a good supply of lightbulbs on hand in case any of the lights in her apartment burned out.
If Avery needed the light to sleep, that’s what she’d get.
That…and him by her side.
Feeling a contentment he’d never experienced in his thirty-four years, Rex fell asleep with Avery in his arms.
Avery jerked awake and was confused for a moment about where she was and what was going on. She’d been dreaming that she was standing at the bottom of a hole and an American man dressed in traditional Afghani garb was laughing as he slid a piece of wood over the top, leaving her in complete darkness.
It was a variation of the same kind of dreams she’d been having since she’d arrived back in California. In every one, she was buried alive in some manner. And in every one, she was helpless to do anything about it.
The difference this time was that she wasn’t freaking out. She’d jerked herself awake and instead of being sweaty and practically hyperventilating, she was almost calm.
“Shhhh,” a drowsy male voice said from right next to her ear. “You’re okay, baby. It was just a dream.”
Cole.
Avery was immediately embarrassed.
She’d called him in a moment of panic earlier and he hadn’t hesitated to come over. She’d managed to get to the front door to unlock it, but didn’t have the energy or strength to get all the way back to her bedroom. So she’d taken refuge in the safest place she could find…the corner of her dining room.