He chuckled, then took a step closer to her and one of his hands moved from her shoulder to her nape, the other wrapping around her waist.
Avery shivered in response. God, she loved it when he held her like this. His eyes were intense as he looked at her. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
As much as she liked the sentiment behind his words, she knew that wasn’t how things worked. “I appreciate that, but I have a feeling if this guy wants to get to me, he will.”
Cole frowned.
“You can’t be with me twenty-four hours a day, Cole,” Avery insisted. “You have work, as do I. As much as I’d love to have you as my own personal man-hunk shadow, that’s not feasible for either one of us. I just need to know how much danger you really think I’m in. If it’s a ten on a scale of one to ten, then I’ll do things very differently than if it’s a five. I don’t want to die, I’ve got too much to live for, but I also can’t spend my life locked behind doors, wondering if there’s a sniper’s bullet out there with my name on it. Does any of this make sense?”
Cole sighed. Then nodded. “Yeah, baby, it does. I hate it, but I understand. I’d say right now the danger level is probably around a two. It’s possible this guy knows people and can hire someone to get to you, but since things have been quiet for over two weeks, I think you’re okay.”
“And when those army and navy units leave Afghanistan?” she asked.
Cole pressed his lips together for a moment, then said, “Seven.”
Avery’s stomach rolled at hearing that. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Ideally, you’ll recognize the traitor in the last batch of pictures you go through,” Cole said. “Then he can be picked up and interrogated and you’ll be good to go.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you’ll need to be extra vigilant. Constantly aware of who’s around you, and you’ll have to be sure to never be alone. In a parking lot, on the floor in the hospital, or while grocery shopping. I won’t lie, it’s gonna suck, but I’m going to do everything I can to help out. To be with you so you can relax and just be you while you’re out and about.”
“For how long?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Just that. How long? There will be more units leaving Afghanistan in the months to come. When will I know the threat is done? I mean, if this guy comes back stateside and realizes that I haven’t fingered him, will that be it? Will he think he’s won and leave me alone? Or will I always have to watch my back? How long will I be in danger?”
“I don’t know,” Cole admitted. He pulled her into him until they were plastered together from hip to chest. Avery grabbed hold of the side of his pants and looked into his eyes. “What I do know is, no matter how long it takes, you’ve got me. And my teammates. You aren’t alone, Avery.”
“I just can’t imagine having to live in fear for months or years.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t know that,” Avery insisted.
“I can, and here’s why. Because I know you,” Cole said. “You’re tenacious. You aren’t going to let this go. If you get through the last pictures and haven’t recognized him, you’ll go through them again. You’ll inspect every man you come into contact with and eventually you’ll recognize him.”
“And if he’s not navy? Not on this base?” she asked, his words making her feel good.
“I have a feeling whoever this is will want to make sure you can’t ID him. If he’s not navy, he’ll show up anyway. He might lurk in the background, but he’ll want you to see him. If you show the slightest bit of recognition, he’ll know he has to do something. If you do ever see anyone you think is him, you’re going to have to do your best to not let on that you recognize him. I’m serious about this, Avery, your life could be at stake.”
She nodded. “I know. And that makes sense. Maybe I could go to the welcome-back ceremony next week and see if I can ID him there.”
“Not a bad idea,” Cole conceded. “If you don’t ID him from the last of the pictures, I’ll talk to my commander and see if we can’t arrange something.”
His thumb lightly caressed the back of her neck, and Avery’s nipples puckered in response.
And just like that, thoughts of the traitor and her life maybe being in danger disappeared. All Avery could think of was the man standing in front of her and how much she wanted him.
“Why haven’t you kissed me again?” she asked softly.
“I’ve kissed you,” Cole insisted.
Avery shook her head. “You know what I mean. A peck on the lips doesn’t count.”
He looked pained. “The truth?”
“Always.”
“Because I know if I kiss you the way I really want to, I won’t stop. I’ll take you into the bedroom and love you the way I dream about every night. I’ll have you naked and writhing under me before you even know what’s happening. And I won’t stop at kissing your lips. I’ll taste every inch of your body before fucking you so hard, neither of us can think of anything but how good we feel together. And the last thing I want to do is rush you. Or do something that will make you regress in your recovery. You’ve been doing so well over the last week, I don’t want to screw that up.”
His explanation had Avery squirming in his grip. Her panties were wet and she desperately wanted what his vivid words had promised. “Yes,” she whispered.
But Cole shook his head. “As much as you saying that turns me on, I’m not ready.”
She frowned. “What? I thought guys were always ready for sex? And you were ready a week ago. What’s changed?”
“I like you, Avery. A hell of a lot. And we could fuck right this second and we’d both find it extremely pleasurable. But…I want more. I want it all. And I’m willing to wait until you want that too. I know you think all guys, especially SEALs, are horndogs, have slept with hundreds of women, and have no desire to settle down, but I’m not like that. I want what my friends have. I want a partner. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. To fight for. To come home to at the end of a mission and feel settled because she’s in my arms again. I want someone I can laugh with, cry with, and simply sit in the same room with and feel content. What I don’t want is a fuck buddy. Someone who only wants to be with me because I keep the nightmares at bay.”
Avery opened her mouth to protest, to tell him that wasn’t why she’d called him that night, wasn’t why she’d allowed him to stay over at her apartment every night for the last week. But he tightened his hand on the back of her neck and continued talking.
“No, I don’t think that’s why you’re with me, but honestly, you scare the shit out of me, Avery. I think about you constantly. I worry about you when you’re at work and have to stop myself from texting you a hundred times a day to see how you’re doing. Or to tell you something funny that happened to me. I’m not ready because I need to make sure this is what you want. That you’re all in. Because if you agree to be with me, and then decide later on that you’ve changed your mind, it would devastate me.