I needed to let him know that if he still wanted the garage space, things would be cool between us, whatever happened. The sex probably put him in a terrible position now. Because the garage would be a huge step up for him in terms of living conditions. And rent free, as long as he continued to look after my dad, giving me peace of mind. Those original conditions had been more than fair for both of us.
But then I proceeded to put bruises on his throat with my teeth and make him come with my fist. And now he was outside amidst my aesthetic backyard shrubberies hanging his head like a sad painting.
I needed to fix it. I refilled my mug, and peeked out the window, cursing when I saw him still in the same position. I left the kitchen and walked out back. He looked up and hopped off the table when he saw me. “Hey,” he said. “Morning.”
“Morning. You sleep?”
“Yeah. A few hours anyway.”
I sat on the picnic table where he’d been, and he cautiously slid back up beside me. The two of us looked at the blue pool water like it held some fascination. “I had fun last night,” he said, glancing at me. “After the whole ghost thing I mean.”
I chuckled. “So did I.”
“Guess I should thank that ghost.”
I forced myself to be brave and look at him, smiling at his morning hair. Tentatively, I reached out and brushed a yellow lock out of his eyes. He tucked it behind his ear, smiled shyly, then looked down, drumming his fingers on his knees. “Listen,” I said. “If you still want to move into the guest house, I just want you to know last night doesn’t need to complicate things.”
His fingers stopped drumming, but he kept his head down. “What do you mean by complicate?”
“I just…I don’t want you to feel like what happened between us put any conditions or awkwardness to it. If you still want the garage suite, it’s yours. It can still be compensation but regarding what we previously discussed and that’s all. But I totally get it if you’ve reversed course on that, and I’ll understand completely.”
He huffed. “Damn, you got a way of saying a lot while still saying nothing.”
I set my mug down, slid off the picnic table, and faced him. “You all right?”
He blinked up at me, a beam of sunlight making his brown eyes glitter so they looked almost gold. “What you just said was confusing, to be honest.”
“Sorry. I was just trying to clarify things.”
He made a visor of his hand and squinted. “Clarify what?”
“What the deal is if you still want it.”
“The garage.”
“Yes.”
“That’s the first thing on your mind this morning. Nothing else to say to me.”
“I…did you want to say something?”
He looked down, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Not sure what to say. Not sure what you’re trying to say.”
“Well…like I said. I wanted to make sure you knew that what happened last night doesn’t have to affect your decision about the garage.”
“Wow.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Clinging to that subject like a lifeline.”
“Orion, I’m sorry if I said something wrong. I saw you out here through the window, looking at the sunroom. And then you looked sort of bummed out.”
“I wasn’t bummed out. I was just thinking really hard.”
“About the garage?”
His head lifted and he scowled at me. “Not about the fucking garage, Kurt! You think I got up, made coffee, then came outside to wait for you because I was in deep contemplation about the garage?”
“All right.” I held my hands up. “Pretend I’m a clueless asshole for a second, and explain to me why you’re angry right now.”
“I’m not angry.”
“You seem angry.”
He ran fingers through his hair, frowning at the ground. Twirling his hand, he said, “The garage is nice and it’s a nice offer and all. But I have a place to live, I’m not desperately longing for your guest house. It’s not a big deal, so not sure why you’re making it the focal point this morning. It’s not like nothing else happened last night.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just you mentioned it. Last night. After we’d already discussed compensating you for taking care of Jasper—”
“Oh my God, stop.” He hopped off the picnic table. “You know what, Kurt? I don’t need your damn compensation, because I don’t actually need your permission to look after Jaz. I was trying to be considerate of your feelings because you’re his son, but let’s be real. If your dad wanted you helping him out, you would be. Maybe you should accept that he just doesn’t like having you around that much.”
I stared at him, my mouth agape. “Why are you being so cruel? How did we get here?”
“Don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out how we got from ‘I can’t breathe when you’re close’ to ‘Blah, blah, blah, my garage.’”
I took in a breath, then nodded. “Oh.” I moved back to the picnic table and sat. “Shit. I went straight to discussing what’s more or less a business arrangement. Barely said hello first.”
“Yep.”
“I’m bad at this.”
“Yeah, you’re terrible at it.”
I huffed. “I know.” I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about?”
Frowning, he shook his head. “I ain’t doing your homework for you. That’s not how this works.”
“You’re asking me to tell you how I feel about last night. Right?”
“You know I am. Don’t make it like a question. You ain’t that slow.”
“When it comes to stuff like this, I am that slow.”
“Bullshit. That’s an excuse.” He turned and started walking back toward the house. “Forget it. Not gonna force something out of you if it don’t come natural.”
“Hey!” I called over. “Where you going?”
“Getting my bag, then leaving.”
“Wait.”
He kept walking.
I hopped off the picnic table and shouted, “Goddamn it, Orion, I said wait!”
Stopping just before reaching the door, he turned around. Sighing, he walked back over to me. “That’s not fair. You can’t just use the dad voice to get what you want.”
I put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry I woke up and went blah, blah, blah, about the garage the minute I saw you. I was scared I fucked everything up. I didn’t want you to think I was creepy.”
A laugh rolled out of him. He rested his forehead on my shoulder for a moment, then looked in my eyes. “Kurt. I know creepy people. I work with and for creepy people all the time. I can see one coming a mile away. And you ain’t creepy.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I guess after last night I worried my offer might be taken as an exchange of more than services rendered.”
His hand came up and his knuckles brushed my cheek. “For an older guy, you are so sweet and innocent sometimes.”
“That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”
“I just mean you’re naturally kind and considerate,” he said. “Usually people only fake that shit to get something from me. But it’s just who you are, and it took me a minute to get that. But I get it now. So don’t ever worry I think you’re shady. I’ll never think nothing bad about you.”