His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “That’s really good to hear. I’ll be right down.”
His relief was palpable, and as he left the kitchen, I realized suddenly how much it truly pleased him—the idea of me and Orion getting along. I wondered, however, if it would please him as much to know I climaxed on Orion’s ass last night. Or if that was just a bit more camaraderie than he’d had in mind.
****
Despite the bright sunshine earlier, the sky above the graveyard was slate gray when we arrived, like it knew we were coming and adjusted the gloomy décor to suit the mood. Jasper and I stood awkwardly in front of a red granite stone with the name ‘Donna Louise Varley’ etched across the top, a heart with flowers stenciled below her birth and death dates. Gingerly, Jasper knelt down and set a bouquet of wildflowers on the ground before the stone. “Forgive me,” he whispered, and I turned away, feeling like an intruder.
My phone began singing that I was a dickhead, and as I took it out of my pocket, my father looked up at me. “You still haven’t changed that damn ringtone? Give it here. I’m an old man and even I know how to do that.”
“It’s Mia,” I said, surprised to see my daughter calling. “I need to get this.”
Jasper waved me off with a grunt, and I strolled across the path and up a sloping hill, a sea of tombstones before me. I stood under a blossoming tree, white petals falling like confetti as the wind blew. “Mia, hi.”
A sniffle, then, “Hi, Dad.”
Alarm made my back straighten. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said, but her voice cracked, and I knew the sound of my daughter crying well enough.
“Why are you crying, honey? What’s the matter?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come visit,” she said, then broke into sobs.
“Oh, baby no, it’s okay. Don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry.” She sniffled wetly. “I miss you, I do. It’s just every time I go back to Hillock Beach, I get sad.”
“Aw, honey. I didn’t know that.”
“I know.” She cleared her throat. “It’s just…I miss Grandma so much.”
I got a shiver, noting I was mere feet from her grandma’s grave. “I miss her too, Mia. She loved you a lot, you know that, right?”
“Thanks. But it’s not just that. Grampa Jasper, when I see him, he just seems so sad.” Her breath quivered. “And you, too. You seem so unhappy. And you’re all alone. I hate seeing it. Then you and Grampa Jasper argue. Then and me and Matthew argue. Then you yell at us for arguing, so we argue with you instead. And it’s always so depressing. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t wanna see you. I just can’t take all the sadness.”
Sighing, I sat down under the blossom tree. “Damn, I’m sorry, Mia. I’m sorry you had to absorb all my bullshit.” She snickered softly, and I smiled at the sound. “I promise, it won’t be like that anymore. Things are getting better here. I’m with Grampa right now, in fact. And we’re not even fighting.”
“Give it time,” she said, and I laughed. “You guys are really getting along?”
“We are. Grampa’s in a good mood today. Things are a lot better, honey. I want to see you. I miss the hell out of you.”
“Me too,” she said. “Dad, my boyfriend broke up with me.”
“Oh, no. I’m sorry, sweetheart. What happened?”
“He’s just an asshole. Said since I’m moving away for college anyway, he doesn’t want to ‘waste the summer’ on me when he could be hooking up with different girls.”
“You want me to have him killed?”
That got me a real laugh. “Yes, would you?”
“Absolutely. You want it to be quick and painless or slow and bloody?”
“The slow one. Definitely.”
“You got it. So, when can I see you?”
“Um…maybe next month?”
My spirits soared. “Okay, good. I want to do something for your birthday. You’ll come in August then?”
“Yeah. I’ll try to get Matty to come but he’s all obsessed with his new friends and working all the time. But I’ll come either way. Is that okay if it’s just me?”
“Absolutely.” If I couldn’t get both of them, I’d settle for one.
“I’ll let you know when I figure out the dates. I have to go to work now, but can I talk to Grampa real quick? I just wanna say hi.”
“Sure honey. We’ll talk soon. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I walked back over to my mother’s headstone, where Jasper still knelt on the ground. It was eerie, him just kneeling there, staring at the stone, his face an expressionless mask. “Dad.”
He didn’t react.
“Dad!”
“Huh?” He looked up.
I handed him the phone. “Mia wants to say hi.”
His face changed, lighting up with a smile, and I held his elbow, helping him stand as he brought the phone to his ear. “Hello, my dear. How are you?”
I strolled back up the hill and let white petals from the big tree fall on me, taking a deep breath and letting it out with a smile. “Thank you,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure who I was thanking. My mother? God? The tree? Whomever might be listening, I thanked. My mood was lifted after talking to Mia. She called me because she was sad. I wasn’t pleased she was sad, or heartbroken by some punk kid who clearly wasn’t good enough for her. But I was pleased she’d needed me. She’d turned to her dad when she was feeling vulnerable. She was still my baby girl.
I studied the tree bark, contemplating my next carving. The cream-colored blossoms made me think of my mother’s curly blond hair. Having spent so much time on my little animated carvings, it was hard to see a tree now and not personify it, imagining what its face might look like. Maybe I’d divert from the weirdness just this once, and carve a tree in honor of my mom. Her hair could be petals. I’d give her big red sunglasses, like she used to wear to the beach, and maybe paint colored tree knots along the bark to simulate the polka dot bathing suit she liked so much.
Colored polka dots…like Orion’s fitted clown tank-top.
Amazing. Even here at my mother’s gravesite, I couldn’t get the guy out of my head. I realized my father was no longer speaking in the background, and turned to see him standing a few feet away from the headstone, staring at my phone screen. I walked over. “Nice chat?”
He glanced up, then back at my phone. “Lovely. She’s coming to visit in August, she said.”
“Yeah. I’m happy about that. Can I have my phone back?”
“Sure. I changed your ringtone to the basic one. Now you can go back to being a dickhead only in private. You’re welcome.”
I chuckled. “Thanks. You’re a saint.”
Jasper rubbed his chin. “Orion texted you.”
A bolt of alarm ran through me. “Oh?”
“He and Kora are on their way to your house. Guess to deal with your ghost problem?”
“Yeah. Great. I should head home then.”