“That’s why I’m your favorite.” I put her on the coffee table so that our eyes are at the same height.
She swats my arms. “You are. Just don’t tell the others!” She laughs again. “Now let me go. I have things to do, and you have the police to call. Or… you can’t not press charges and let it be?”
“Yeah, have you seen that man?” I point toward where Dex went. “Do you think he’ll be okay with me not pressing charges against my psycho ex-boyfriend? Not happening. Also, I need to be sure Morgan, Elvis, and Calv aren’t in danger.”
She nods. “I can understand that. I’m sorry that I put you in danger.”
“I’m a big boy. I need more than that to be in danger.”
“And he has me,” Dex says, wrapping an arm around my waist and sliding in next to me.
“Yes, we all have you, Dex.” My mother brings her hands to his face and kisses his cheek. “You’re home here, sweetie.” She squeezes his arms and gets down from the table, making her way to the kitchen.
“Your family is incredible.” Dex’s voice is strained with emotions.
I turn him to face me so I can see his eyes. They’re teary, but the storm that was inside them when he arrived a few days ago is disappearing. I wouldn’t say he’s at peace yet, because I’m not sure Dex ever will be, but he’s feeling better.
“That’s because they’re making you one of their own. Whatever happens between us, you’ll always be welcome here. Even more if you come with Ian and Ry.”
Dex scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You know we need to get back to LA, right?”
“I know,” I sigh. “Hard to press charges while in another state.”
“Yeah… I need to get out of these jeans as well. I loathe them.”
“I know, babe, but they give you a great ass.”
Dex laughs, but it doesn’t come from the heart. Instead, he trembles in my arms. “It means it’s time for me to read the letter.”
“You don’t have to do it now.”
“I do. I don’t know why, but I need to be here to read it. I think it would help if Ridge were around.”
“Really? He’s not known to be very helpful in dealing with emotions.”
“Maybe, but at least he doesn’t need Viagra. That gives me hope for our future.” Dex laughs.
And I grin stupidly because he said something about a future with me. I can picture us still together past seventy, grey hair and wrinkled dicks, still in love and holding each other like we are today.
22
Dex
My hand shaking, my eyes watering, I silently read my father’s last word to me surrounded by Luke and his family. I’ve read the first few sentences three times already but stop every time my eyes stumble on the word sorry. Taking a deep breath in, I start again.
“Dear Dex,
I hope you got this letter as soon as you came out of the reading. I told Ellen to give it to you, but she can be quite forgetful. She was the worst assistant I ever had. (Don’t tell her I said that.)
Let me start by saying I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I had to hurt you to get out of a stupid situation. You see, there are a few things you don’t know, and I’ve preferred to give in to your mother on my death bed rather than have you under her spell for the rest of her life. Clay and Belinda found a way to get tangled in an impossible situation that I won’t disclose because I don’t want you to take care of them. I know you will try to fix it for your brother, you were always too loyal to him, and I can’t let you sink with him. You are much more devoted to him than he ever was to you. They gave me their word they would never contact you, Emma, Asher, or Virginia again. I caved in to their demand of giving Clay everything and disowning you. And I’m sorry I did so. I certainly shouldn’t have but it was my last card to protect you from them.
You have to promise me that if they ever reach out to you, you’ll contact my lawyer. They’ll lose everything then. Of course, once they blow all the money, I have no certainty they won’t try to contact you, but I have the feeling they won’t. Your mother is way too happy not to have to deal with your homosexuality and you’re not a pawn in Clay’s world anymore. Don’t feel bad for it. She’s the one missing out on knowing you and he never understood what being part of a family meant.
I wrote letters to the Porter kids as well as to Asher and Emma, so they’ll know all you ever told me. They need to know the burden that is your life, son. I’m sorry I told you to keep your secret from Ian. I imprisoned you in guilt when I should have set you free. I’m sure you understand, having been a great father figure to Asher, that parents can make mistakes when they try to protect their most precious achievement.
I’m also sorry I couldn’t talk to you at the hospital. Saying goodbye to you meant I was dying, and I refused for you to see me die. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I know you’ll think it was your responsibility to save me and I should have appeased you in a way. I couldn’t. I’m only human after all. That’s what I learned through my life. I’m just a human, not a god, not your hero. Just a father doing everything possible to help and guide his son. I will continue to do so from wherever I go next. I love you. I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you, son, but I wish you were happy. I want you to find a man who will take care of you. I want you to love someone as much as I have loved Ellen. You can’t control people’s lives, and you can’t control your feelings.
Let go and never forget how much I love you.
Your father,
Johanan Livingston Crawford the Third.”
I let the letter fall on the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes. I’ve cried enough the last few weeks, and I don’t want to cry in front of the Gritts.
“So? What does it say?” Ridge is facing me, waiting for my answer.
When I explained to him I had this letter to read, it was his idea to be with me when I read it. I welcomed his presence, understanding it was his way to show me I belonged to their family if I wanted to. I’m sitting on the sofa between Bella and Luke. Luke is rubbing my neck to ease my tension, and Bella’s hand is on my thigh, trying to calm my bouncing leg. I tried to fight Bella’s constant need to touch me, but I understood quickly it was a war I would lose. She hugs everybody and says a hug is worth a thousand words. There’s no escaping this woman’s love. Of course, she might have hugged Ryan and Ian a little more than anybody else. I think I even saw some groping.
* * *
Aaron is sitting next to his father; he hasn’t said a word, but he’s here. He’s the silent force of the brotherhood.
I usually would have liked more privacy, but I don’t mind being with these four. In fact, I even like it.
Salomé and Barnabas are with Aaron’s kids. It seems their parents decided they were too young to be here. I can only imagine how the two younger Gritt siblings enjoy being treated like children at thirty-five and thirty-three years old, or maybe they don’t care. It doesn’t seem the Gritts care about those kinds of things, except Aaron. He wears the world’s worry on his shoulders.