I pinch his side. “I could grow a beard. It might take me a little more time than it takes you but…”
“Come on, babe, it would take at least ten years for you to get a beard like mine.”
I run my fingers through said beard. It is beautiful, and it does amazing things to my body once you pass the beard-burn. “Is that a challenge?” I wrestle him, but he’s definitely stronger.
“Nope. I like you smooth. I don’t want you to change anything. That’s how I love you.”
And because I can’t return his love yet, I kiss him. I kiss him to show him I’m there too, even if I’ve never said those words to anybody—not even to my father.
23
Luke
I’m not freaking out. Everything is fine. He’s going to be fine. He said it was minor, right? That’s what he said? I look again at Dex’s text.
Dex: At the E.R. Don’t worry. It’s minor. Come if you can, or I’ll take a taxi home.
What the fuck happened?
The streets of LA have never been such a blur. My foot is on the pedal, and I pray to all the gods of all the religions that the cops won’t pull me over. I’m not even sure I took my wallet.
We were discussing the last few details of the shop’s re-opening in a few days when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I had forgotten I’d silenced it this morning after my mother sent me numerous texts asking me what Dex would like for Christmas—which is in a few months. When I saw the message was Dex, I smiled at my phone, which brought a round of jokes from Morgan and Elvis, but I didn’t mind.
When I read his text though, I froze. There was a pit in my stomach, and I panicked right away. I tried to call him, but his phone was turned off. Still is. I tried Marlene, but she didn’t answer. I left without saying a word beyond telling them Dex needed me.
I try Marlene again while driving and almost swear once she finally picks up. “What happened?”
“Good morning, Luke. Dex isn’t in at the moment. He had a meeting outside the office.”
I don’t dislike many people, but Marlene is one of those I want to slap with a frying pan. “I know he’s not in! What happened?”
“Well, I’m not sure I can tell you. I mean, I don’t want him to be mad at me again.”
“He got mad at you?” Like every freaking day, more than once a day?
“Yes, one of the worst times in fact. He was so red I couldn’t believe it. And he had saliva forming at the corners of his mouth like an animal with rabies. His eyes were… I can’t even describe. I thought he was going to kill me. I mean, how could I know that I needed to reschedule the appointments he missed when he was out and not just cancel them forever? I’m not a mind reader. If he doesn’t tell me, I don’t know!”
I can see why Dex lost his shit. Knowing him, he saw the situation like it was the end of the world. “And then what happened?”
“He said I was useless and left for his meeting. I don’t know.”
“Thank you.”
I want to tell her she’s not useless, but I don’t like to lie to people. Every time I stop by, she’s doing her nails, reading a magazine, or under Aiden’s desk. Before I saw it with my own eyes, I didn't believe Dex when he was explaining how incompetent she was. It seems that since she started sleeping with Dex’s second in command, she works even less than before. Dex is hoping Aiden will get her pregnant and persuade her to stay home with the baby.
I finally arrive at the hospital and run to the emergency room. No Dex in sight.
“I’m here for Dex, or Dextyn, Crawford. I’m his boyfriend. He said he was in the ER.”
She taps something in her computer. “Yes, he is. Please take a seat.”
I feel like when I was a kid and summer vacation would never come. It feels as if time has stopped. I feel closer to Dex, understanding what he might have felt a few weeks ago as he waited to find out what his father was going through. I imagine Dex, all impatient in his suit, pacing and insulting nurses who don’t have an answer for him. I’m laughing thinking about it when he appears before me.
“What’s so funny, beardy?” He looks pale, even a little greyish and as if he’s aged ten years since I left him this morning.
“What happened?” I feel like a broken record.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to worry you. I had a little disagreement with Marlene, and it generated some palpitations in my heart.” I open my mouth to speak, but he kisses me. “Nothing to worry about, I promise. I shouldn’t stress so much about things, I guess.” He shrugs.
“You guess you shouldn’t stress so much about things? Your father died from a heart attack, you learned last month that your brother carries the same genetic malformation your dad had, you were in the emergency room for heart palpitations, but you guess you shouldn’t stress so much about things?” I gape at him. “Things need to change, babe. You’re never coming back here because of heart palpitations; do you hear me?” My muscles quiver under the anger and fear I feel pumping in my veins.
“I do, beardy. I’ll try.” He rolls his eyes, dismissing me.
I sigh. “Don’t try, succeed!”
We’re walking to my car before I realize he didn’t explain to me what they did to him, and he agreed too quickly to my request. He’s hiding something. He gave me a bone so I wouldn’t interrogate.
I inhale, trying to keep my cool. “What exam did they do?”
“Well… blood test, ECG, echo, stress test—”
“Wait, how long were you there?” I interrupt.
“Since nine, I think.” He stares at the floor.
“You were in the hospital for seven hours and texted me only forty-five minutes ago?” My vision becomes cloudy as my pulse pounds in my ears.
“I didn’t want you to get worried.” He scrubs his hand over his face, and I take a big breath to calm the rage I feel taking over. “Look, it’s nothing. A little more than an anxiety attack but less than a heart attack. My blood pressure went a little higher than usual, but nothing serious. They just wanted to rule out everything else.” He shrugs.
“Dex,” I bring my fists to my eyes, “I’m trying hard not to lose my shit on you. I know you like it when I’m angry, but I tell you there will be no fucking this time, so work with me here.”
“Okay.” He takes the passenger seat. “So they told me lots of bullshit like get more sleep or learn relaxation techniques. Not happening. I should also ‘try to resolve stressful situations peacefully if I can.’ Like that’s not what I do every single day. I’ll let them work with Marlene or deal with the gang for one day, and they can tell me how they feel after that. Oh, and my favorite one, I should nurture myself by eating slowly and focusing on the taste and sensations of each bite. I don’t even know what the fuck they mean.” He laughs.
I crack my neck to release some of the tension I feel and keep calm so I don’t give him a heart attack. “I am not kidding you. I know you have a lot to catch up on since you were out for three weeks, but you have to delegate to fucking Aiden and move Marlene around so you can hire a real assistant. Do you understand that it's how you'll stay healthy?”