I hand the phone back and sit next to Gerald, trying to check his pulse again. “I feel like I’m going to be sick,” he rasps out, still clutching his chest tightly.
“I know, Gerald.” I squeeze his other hand. “I’ve got you. Just keep taking slow deep breaths. Help will be here soon.” And just as the words leave my mouth, I hear sirens getting closer.
Thank Christ.
Ryan looks like a fish out of water and is constantly running his hands through his hair with the phone pressed to his ear as he paces an apprehensive circle. Sharon is trying desperately to hold herself together, but is losing this battle quickly as tears are starting to stream over onto her cheeks.
“Sharon, I hear the paramedics coming,” I look her dead in the eyes. “You need to hang on and stay strong.”
She nods, understanding the gravity of my words. We’re all scared, no doubt about that, but pacing and falling apart will only make this situation worse.
Suddenly in a whirlwind, paramedics, police, and maybe even the fire department descend upon us.
They’re shooting questions a million miles a minute, and everyone, including poor Gerald, looks to me for the answers. I relay everything I know about the situation and the paramedics get Gerald hooked up to oxygen and set up an IV of fluids while checking his vital signs—which are not stellar.
They strap him to the gurney in no time, and before I can even process what’s happening, they’re running off with him. Sharon follows, calling a thank you over her shoulder. Once everyone is gone and the scene is calm again, I drop onto the bench in an exhausted heap and then burst out laughing.
“What?” Ryan looks at me, startled by my reaction.
I shake my head. “Whew,” I run a hand across my forehead wiping away fake sweat. “That shit was intense. I really thought poor Gerald was going to crash any second and that I was going to have to perform CPR on him in front of his wife.”
I’m still laughing, which is just a weird reaction for me to have.
Must be the adrenaline aftereffects or something.
I’ve done this hundreds of times. I’ve been in dozens of codes, held hands while people died in front of me, but that was always in a work setting. Always surrounded by other healthcare professionals and in the hospital.
I had nothing with me to help him, other than myself, and that’s a terrifying thing.
“Damn, that was a crazy rush.”
Ryan laughs now too, coming to sit down next to me. “You were incredible. I was scared shitless. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.”
“You were perfect,” I take his hand. “You called for help and didn’t panic on me.”
“Do you think he’ll make it?”
I shrug. “I honestly don’t know. The fact that he was still conscious when they got to him is a good sign, but if I had to guess, I’d say he was having a rather large MI.”
We’re silent for a few moments before Ryan asks, “What do you want to do now?”
I look up at him and smile. “It’s a beautiful day, Mr. Grant. We should go and enjoy it while we can. Life is too goddamn short and unpredictable not to.” And I want as much time with you as I can get before this trip is over. Clock’s ticking.
23
Ryan
* * *
“Holy boogers, it’s cold,” Katie says, huddling into herself as we hike down one of the bigger trails in the redwood forest. We left San Francisco at seven this morning, and the drive up here took almost six hours.
We did stop at a camping outlet store near here, which was a good thing because Katie’s right, it’s cold. Northern California is having an unseasonable cold snap.
Lucky us.
It’s in the low forties and there is no sun in the thick forest to warm us.
“Katie, baby, as much as I applaud your rugged spirit and all that crap, there is no freaking way I’m camping tonight. Not in the car or on the ground.”
“Totally freaking agree,” she nods emphatically. “But you have to admit that despite the cold, it’s so pretty here. I love hiking. I think I’d like to live in a place where I can go for hikes.”
Looking down, I nudge her with my elbow. “You realize Washington State has plenty of places to hike?”
“I see where you’re going with this, Mr. Grant,” she arches an eyebrow at me.
“Actually, I was thinking.”
“Oh?”
“Since the weather is less than wonderful here, what if we head up to Portland tomorrow and get to Seattle a day early?”
Katie stops dead in her tracks, looking up at me. “Why?” She’s trying to keep her expression neutral, but I can see the hurt in her eyes. She thinks I’m trying to end this.
Why can’t she see that I need her to stay?
That I just plain need her?
“Because we haven’t really factored any Seattle time into our plans. I mean, I’m moving there, and hoping you’ll consider doing the same,” I raise two eyebrows up at her, seeing if she’ll balk at that. “What if we get there a day early and spend it going around the city?”
She blinks up at me. Once. Twice. “Okay,” she eventually says in a slow, even tone. “We could do that.”
I sigh, because I have been avoiding this shit, and it’s just absurd at this point. After that near-death escapade with Gerald yesterday, I’m sort of in a carpe diem way of life.
“Katie? What are your plans for when we get to Seattle?”
She’s silent for another twelve steps. I know because I can’t help but count them out.
“I don’t know, Ryan,” she tilts her head up at me. She’s so short when she’s wearing her sneakers, it requires some effort to actually look down at her while maintaining our pace. “I uh…I haven’t really let myself get that far,” she laughs out uncomfortably. “I mean, I know it’s coming up really soon. Sooner now than before, but I was sort of doing my living in the moment thing.”
“Okay. But if you had to think about it? Do you think you’d consider staying on, or do you plan to leave shortly after getting there?” I need to know. I need to prepare myself for the reality that I’m almost positive is coming.
She’s leaving me.
“I might,” she half-whispers. “I have no doubt I’ll love Seattle, Ryan, and it is possible that I will choose it as my new home. You’d certainly be a very strong reason for that.” She reaches out a small hand, grasping my jacket and pulling me to a stop to face her. “I care about you. So much. I hope you know that.”
She looks down at the worn dirt and gravel-covered path.
“I’ve told you I’m not ready for a relationship. That hasn’t changed despite my feelings for you. I uh…,” she looks up at me again. “I need more time. To think, ya know?”
I nod. I do know. I have known, which is why I tried to separate myself from her in the first place. Create some distance once I realized the true nature of my feelings for her—realized just how completely obsessed with her I was.
But then we kissed, and everything I tried to stop, could no longer be.
I love her.